A negative comment about a party at Arisia

[xiphias]

Far as I'm concerned, you can EITHER have an invite-only party OR you can advertise your party.

But it's FUCKING RUDE to advertise your invite-only party.

Don't mind invite-only parties. Don't even mind invite-only parties who, apparently, were going around handing out invites only to women who were dressed slutty. Heck, if someone took that to the extreme, and walked around the con handing out slips of paper which said, "You're sexy. Come to my room at 11 pm," that wouldn't bother me. And if he or she got people to show up, more power to him or her.

DO mind people who do that and also put posters up in the stairwells advertising their party. It's fucking RUDE to do that, then set up a velvet rope outside, and do the "club" thing. Dunno about you, but I go to cons to get away from that kind of dynamic.

Yes, I'm pissed off at not being pretty enough to get into that party.

Comments

[zarhooie.livejournal.com]

HA. Last year, I got no less than three invites to the church of skank party. THREE. Keep in mind, I was wearing leather corset, a button down top and a skirt... and not much else!

I do agree with you though. Next time (aka next year) find me and I'll take you as my date. :)

[voltbang.livejournal.com]

I missed the fliers. I followed the bright lights and the booming music.

[querldox.livejournal.com]

I dunno. I was considering making it out to Arisia this year and doing a party to celebrate 25 years since my first con (which was Boskone, but I figure Arisia + Boskone these days = approximately an early 80s Boskone). Had I done so, particularly if it'd been Friday night, I would've strongly considered advertising it as a private party for people who know me, with the advertising to make sure such knew about it in case I'd not run into such a person.

But I think that's a bit different than a mundane "club"/"Hot or Not" bit.

[ckd]

I am rather tempted to have an "@! - 20" party at Boskone 44, which would use the old @! party admission criteria...but you would have to have met them for Boskone 24.

[brooksmoses]

They had an actual velvet rope?

I'm sorry, but ... bwah-hah-ha-hah-BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

That's just so special, right there.

[ron_newman]

whose party was this?

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

"Skanks in Space".

Okay, with that name, I feel embarrassed about being upset to not get in.

Apparently, I'm shallow and insecure. But, y'know, whatever.

[agharta75.livejournal.com]

I guess only the "losers" went to the open parties.

[laurion]

As one of the hosts of an open party, and the only party to get mentioned and linked on the Wired Blog, I'd say bring on the "losers"!

[gilana]

I can certainly understand why you'd be upset by that, but from what I could tell, it's more of a dress code than a hotness check or invite thing. One of the guys I was with was wearing a sweater and pants. He would have been permitted in on his own had he been willing to take of his shirt, but since he wasn't, he had to be escorted by someone dressed more skankily. I bet if you threw on a leather vest or something they would be delighted to have you.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I don't bring clothing like that to cons.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Also, I don't own clothing like that.

Hell, I didn't own clothing like that when I was active in the scene. If people want to play with me, they're going to play with me, not my clothes.

[cheshyre]

IMO, if they wanted such an exclusive-ish party, then they shouldn't've been advertising it so openly.

I'm used to private parties at con being relatively discreet to avoid hurt feelings by those not invited.

This crowd plastered posters all over the con, with the restrictions in small type near the bottom. I certainly never noticed them until after we were turned away and I read one of the posters closely.

I don't have my Clear Ether with me to see whether they were included in the party list, but with such restrictions, they shouldn't've been.

[ailbhe]

Yeuch. Sounds like the kind of thing I'm glad I wasn't around for, because I'd be right over in the "sulking and feeling hurt" corner with you.

I can think of worse people to sulk with, mind you. It might have been fun.

[redbird]

Ditto (re going to cons in part to get away from that sort of crap).

For that matter, I suspect I'd mind less if someone advertised a party with posters saying something like "you must be wearing a short skirt or kilt" and applied it to everyone, regardless of gender. I still wouldn't get in (I don't own any short skirts, and probably wouldn't take a pair of shorts to Arisia, given the time of year), but it wouldn't feel quite as much like yet another example of het guys making rules to give them lots of conventionally pretty female skin to look at, while not providing eye candy for people who'd rather look at men, or making the men meet any requirements.

Hmmm. "Short skirts or evidence of having showered within the last hour", anyone? (I have a hunch that the guys who organized that party would have trouble getting into a similar party in the outside world.)

One of the Party Hosts

[(Anonymous)]

Organized by a co-ed group actually, with a female overlord (me.) We like the men very much, we just recognize that men at conventions on the whole make less of an effort to get dressed up. That is why we came up with imaginative ways to try to get the guys to make an effort - we tried 'take off some clothes' (it is pretty low effort...) but that led to some problems in the past so we moved to the leash policy to let costumed folks take in non-costumed. Guys could take in other guys, we're not sexist or orientationist. The leashes weren't a BDSM statement, just a glow-in-the-blacklight statement that screamed 'I made no effort!', and which generally seemed to work out a lot better than having guys in sweaters and jeans disrobe a little. The number of leashes (5) also put a limit on the number of jeans inside at any one time.

Some of our male friends probably were inviting only hot chicks I can't deny it, but our lady friends also had invites to hand out so it should have evened out.

Just for the record, we're NOT a fetish party, NOT a BDSM party (though we support the right of anyone to their lifestyle), but fetish wear is certainly skanky and usually gets through the door check. Not reeking is also a plus, we do our best to keep out the BO. I was voted down on using the sniff test as criteria, but luckily the overlap between folks in costume that also neeeeeed a shower seems to be acceptably small.

Oh & the girls (and guys) who organized this party organize and are invited to a lot of other parties all year long, we all shower regularly, and the het guys on the party committee had awesome space theme costumes thank you very much.

[temima.livejournal.com]

*laugh* I only arrived just when they were going to sleep, so I didn't get any crap. I was confused when I didn't see a room number--I mean, they are advertising, right?

[fibro-witch.livejournal.com]

Since the party hosts are hopefully still reading, perhaps you could talk to events about moving the party to an event area. I wish one of you had attended the gripe session.

I also was turned away, not sure why, and someone I know who was not dressed up, (well was in a tankish top and pants) was given a private invite.

Not having a private party wing did hurt a bit. But yes, you have a choice if you have advertising, your expected to be open. Lesson learned.

[(Anonymous)]

Because of the beverage policy, the party had to be closed. I don't know what qualifies as an event, but I bet that pesky Cambridge law would keep us off that list. I didn't know there was a gripe session or I would surely have gone. :)

Invites were distributed all day friday and saturday, perhaps your friend was in costume when they received the invite, or perhaps their regular attire looked costumelike to our friends, or, I hate to say it, perhaps one of our menfolk took a shine to your friend and just wanted to see them again. The folks paying for the party do get handed their own ration of invites and we can't really control who gets one. The best costumed person at Con could get missed if we just don't run into them.

Anyway sorry about that, we probably weren't even supposed to poster at all but never even thought of it while thinking up what names should be on the poster and what font would look best and where could we get a big one made etc. etc. I apologize for our D'oh! moment. We sort of thought people would think our posters were awesome. In retrospect I think we missed an angle. :)

[marmota.livejournal.com]

*shrug* Closed parties at open events are a bad mix in general, let alone specific, but even fandom has it as a long tradition of sorts.

Only real issue I see here is having "skank" in the party title, which last time I checked was a rather insulting term... seems to me it would be more of a diss to be let in than kept out anyway. I'm surprised noone got assaulted for calling someone one by handing them an invite.

[quietann.livejournal.com]

I think people took the "skank" bit as a joke, mostly.

Closed parties I don't have that much of an issue with so long as they follow the rules and don't mess things up for the con (e.g. the way one of "Those" parties nearly did at Snow-Con when I was Arisia inkeeper.) These days, closed is usually synonymous with "serves alcohol."

[nibbledbyducks.livejournal.com]

I appreciated the work that went into creating the party space. Thanks for the efforts. I also enjoyed watching the DJ, she really seemed to be enjoying herself, which was appealing.

[laurion]

Agreed. I'd crashed for a few hours, and when I woke back up around 12:30 tried to go find my friends. One reliable source told me that they were last seen inside said party, but I was turned away and unable to get a hold of them.

[water-childe.livejournal.com]

I was offered an invite, but turned it down a) because I already had a party I was more then committed to attend and b) Pardon me for getting my feminist hackles raised, but I take offense at the word 'skank'. It's a personal thing I suppose. Skimpy sexy clothes do not a 'skank' make, at least in my book, and I'm sick and tired of fandom celebrating and acting all happy about women in sexy alluring attire, but having to use negative, disempowering, and even misogynistic language. Make no mistake this is an issue I have with mainstream society as well. I

[fireheart.livejournal.com]

I completely agree. I go to Arisia because it is a place of inclusion where you don't have to worry about schoolyard bullies telling you that you are not cool enough for their party. I was eventually let in (mostly because I sported a staff ribbon -- read into that what you will), but the judgemental attitude of the doorchick was so off putting that I left a couple minutes later.