(no subject)

[xiphias]

One advantage in dealing with my depression is that I have is that I've been depressed for a long time.

You may think that that doesn't sound like a very great advantage.

And you'd be right.

But nonetheless, it is an advantage.

Because when I have a day in which I feel like everything sucks, like I feel like I should just give up on everything I'm trying to do because it's all worthless, when I really don't even quite have it in me to get dressed, I know that it's not real. I know that things AREN'T as hopeless as they feel, that I'm NOT as worthless as I feel, and I know that tomorrow will be different.

If I didn't have experience with this, I might think it was real.

As it is, I know that today was a loss. Nothing got done, nothing went forward. But I know that nothing got UNDONE, either. I didn't make progress, but I didn't regress.

And tomorrow will be better.

Comments

[bluepapercup]

It's funny, I know exactly what you mean.

I'm not depressed anymore, but I was for so long, that now I easily recognize it. "Oh, okay, maybe it's not that everyone woke up and decided to hate me today...I'm just...seeing it that way."

I'm really glad you've found a way to use this to your advantage, to provide some internal perspective.

[scienceprincess.livejournal.com]

Amen! I was suicidal for 8 years when I was younger, and so when I have a depression relapse, I already know how to batten down and survive the day. I know it does get better, and I know that it doesn't last any more.

I hope you feel better tomorrow.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes there are some days where you get a gold star for "did not make anything worse".

[roozle.livejournal.com]

oops that was me.

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean. I've watched friends struggling with feelings I know how to handle because I've spent the last twenty years having to learn it. It does help.

[rebmommy.livejournal.com]

thinking of you and loving you

[i-aldarion.livejournal.com]

I am the same way, re: depression. I know, no matter how dragged down I get, that whatever lies my depression is telling me are just that- lies. It gets me out of bed in the morning, some days.

[dancing-kiralee.livejournal.com]

I know exactly how you feel. I've been there... in fact, I have depended (and still sometimes depend) on exactly those coping mechanisms to survive - that is, to get my ass up in the morning and out the door to work.

This is why mind-altering drugs scare me so much. I know how to deal with depression, how to calibrate how much my depression is throwing off my perception of the world (at any particular moment) and how to compensate. I do NOT know how to deal with mind-altering drugs (including prescription drugs); that is, I can't calibrate how much the drug is throwing off my perceptions of the world, and I so I can't even begin to compensate for it. I imagine it's different for each drug, and different at different times for each drug.

So, anyway, here's to a better tomorrow for both of us.

Kiralee

[navrins]

Yep... I get that. It actually helps me get up and go to work some mornings when I really feel like I just don't want to, to know that I really *do* want to, I just don't feel it that morning.

[kelfstein.livejournal.com]

It is not a bad as it feels.

[felis-sidus.livejournal.com]

Ah. That's what I heard in your voice tonight. I'm sorry you had a bad day, but very glad you've got such a wise perspective to get you through it.

[greenlily.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. Sounds familiar. There've been days when "not moving backwards" is the only thing that keeps me moving forwards.

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Yep. This. Exactly.

As I've got older, and thanks to the cognitive behavioural therapy I did, it's now much easier for me to pick out irrational thoughts that are coming from the depression and realise they're irrational before they upset me. In the worst case, I can at least say "this thought is not rational or useful", even if I can't deflect it or get rid of it.