(no subject)
Jun. 28th, 2006 05:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
One advantage in dealing with my depression is that I have is that I've been depressed for a long time.
You may think that that doesn't sound like a very great advantage.
And you'd be right.
But nonetheless, it is an advantage.
Because when I have a day in which I feel like everything sucks, like I feel like I should just give up on everything I'm trying to do because it's all worthless, when I really don't even quite have it in me to get dressed, I know that it's not real. I know that things AREN'T as hopeless as they feel, that I'm NOT as worthless as I feel, and I know that tomorrow will be different.
If I didn't have experience with this, I might think it was real.
As it is, I know that today was a loss. Nothing got done, nothing went forward. But I know that nothing got UNDONE, either. I didn't make progress, but I didn't regress.
And tomorrow will be better.
You may think that that doesn't sound like a very great advantage.
And you'd be right.
But nonetheless, it is an advantage.
Because when I have a day in which I feel like everything sucks, like I feel like I should just give up on everything I'm trying to do because it's all worthless, when I really don't even quite have it in me to get dressed, I know that it's not real. I know that things AREN'T as hopeless as they feel, that I'm NOT as worthless as I feel, and I know that tomorrow will be different.
If I didn't have experience with this, I might think it was real.
As it is, I know that today was a loss. Nothing got done, nothing went forward. But I know that nothing got UNDONE, either. I didn't make progress, but I didn't regress.
And tomorrow will be better.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-28 09:56 pm (UTC)I'm not depressed anymore, but I was for so long, that now I easily recognize it. "Oh, okay, maybe it's not that everyone woke up and decided to hate me today...I'm just...seeing it that way."
I'm really glad you've found a way to use this to your advantage, to provide some internal perspective.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-28 10:03 pm (UTC)I hope you feel better tomorrow.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-28 10:09 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-28 10:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-28 10:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-28 11:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-29 12:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-29 12:51 am (UTC)This is why mind-altering drugs scare me so much. I know how to deal with depression, how to calibrate how much my depression is throwing off my perception of the world (at any particular moment) and how to compensate. I do NOT know how to deal with mind-altering drugs (including prescription drugs); that is, I can't calibrate how much the drug is throwing off my perceptions of the world, and I so I can't even begin to compensate for it. I imagine it's different for each drug, and different at different times for each drug.
So, anyway, here's to a better tomorrow for both of us.
Kiralee
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-29 01:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-29 02:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-29 03:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-29 05:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-03 06:20 pm (UTC)As I've got older, and thanks to the cognitive behavioural therapy I did, it's now much easier for me to pick out irrational thoughts that are coming from the depression and realise they're irrational before they upset me. In the worst case, I can at least say "this thought is not rational or useful", even if I can't deflect it or get rid of it.