(no subject)

[xiphias]

One advantage in dealing with my depression is that I have is that I've been depressed for a long time.

You may think that that doesn't sound like a very great advantage.

And you'd be right.

But nonetheless, it is an advantage.

Because when I have a day in which I feel like everything sucks, like I feel like I should just give up on everything I'm trying to do because it's all worthless, when I really don't even quite have it in me to get dressed, I know that it's not real. I know that things AREN'T as hopeless as they feel, that I'm NOT as worthless as I feel, and I know that tomorrow will be different.

If I didn't have experience with this, I might think it was real.

As it is, I know that today was a loss. Nothing got done, nothing went forward. But I know that nothing got UNDONE, either. I didn't make progress, but I didn't regress.

And tomorrow will be better.

Comments

[dancing-kiralee.livejournal.com]

I know exactly how you feel. I've been there... in fact, I have depended (and still sometimes depend) on exactly those coping mechanisms to survive - that is, to get my ass up in the morning and out the door to work.

This is why mind-altering drugs scare me so much. I know how to deal with depression, how to calibrate how much my depression is throwing off my perception of the world (at any particular moment) and how to compensate. I do NOT know how to deal with mind-altering drugs (including prescription drugs); that is, I can't calibrate how much the drug is throwing off my perceptions of the world, and I so I can't even begin to compensate for it. I imagine it's different for each drug, and different at different times for each drug.

So, anyway, here's to a better tomorrow for both of us.

Kiralee