(no subject)

[xiphias]

Okay, y'all have seen this one, right?

Write yourself a dating ad.

1) It has to make you sound as unappealing as possible

2) It has to be honest - you can't lie at all

3) It can't sound as though you're deliberately making yourself sound unappealing.

Problem has been that most folks haven't succeeded. I mean, they write ads that make them sound appealing.

So let's see how I do.

Married white man, 5'5", 220+ lbs, seeks someone. Has some of own hair, esp. on back and shoulders, and most of own teeth.

EDIT: I just remembered the other line I wanted to put in: "No felony convictions."

Comments

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

I think some of the appealing is just the appeal of quirkiness--I cannot imagine someone actually making it past a ping on what I wrote.

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

OK, that's classic.

[fibro-witch.livejournal.com]

Been there done that. I post on dating sites as Tapadance, because I do not want people to connect my blogging personality with my lonely ass.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

i have to say that i am much quicker to respond to the ads that make me laugh. which yours did.

[flouritephoenix.livejournal.com]

SWF, average height/weight, seeks a man who is nothing like her father to take care of her. Likes reading young adult fiction, vegan cooking, and playing with her four cats.

How'd I do? I wouldn't date that.

PS-found you through metaquotes. Physics + Shakespeare = Awesometasticness.

Do I win?

[hfcougar.livejournal.com]

Single white female, 5 feet tall, 180 pounds, likes guinea pigs and pretending to live in medieval times. May have finally met the love of her life, but unfortunately he is married to someone else, so she's going to try dating some other people too. An avid fan of Grey's Anatomy, she also enjoys making crude sexual innuendos and looking at pictures of cats on the internet.

ye olde "unappealing" personal ad

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

yup, that works for me. especially the "married ... seeks someone" part. turns me right off, whereas none of the other stuff does. no indication of polyamory -- *ick*, indiscriminate partner seekage -- double *ick*. i don't care about the rest of the stuff one way or another. i like the sense of humour, but there's too little for me to be sure of it.

well done! the only problem is that it is probably no longer a valid personal ad, because it _just_ deters, it might not attract anyone anymore. be fun to post it somewhere and see what happens.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Chicano male; 6', 200 lbs, likes to hit people with sticks. Have Chevy Impala but need new transmission. Likes beer and guns. Want to watch Ishtar with me?

Ok, every bit's true, even the Ishtar. Luckily, wife has same liking of cheesy movies (Three Amigos, Hudson Hawk, etc.). And one day, after our house is built and I have a place to work on cars, and after I replace the crankshaft in the Jeep, I'll get around to getting my Chevy going again. Oh yeah, am in SCA, hence hitting people with sticks bit.

[ellettra.livejournal.com]

poorish white female, 5'4", 160, looking for someone to support me while i write the Great American Novel. has 2 cats who will always be more important than you.

hahah! poor, neurotic and a cat lady, what else is there?

p.s. your ad is great. :)

[florafloraflora.livejournal.com]

Oh, have I got one for you:

Latina female, pushing 35, size 16/18 but working on it, seeks local man to make her feel better about her shaky long-distance marriage. Turnoffs: basketball, TV, mustaches. Hope you don't mind sleeping in bed with a dog.

Do I win?

[rebmommy.livejournal.com]

Has some of own hair, esp. on back and shoulders...

You are funny!

[undauntra.livejournal.com]

Actually, I find that most of the ads fail criterion 3 more than criterion 1.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

How about:

Hamlet seeks Ophelia. Denmark sucks, let us go to England. Don't mind R&G.

[redbird]

Married gym rat and bookaholic seeks new friends. Will attempt to squeeze you in among the books and existing lovers, and be polite about failures.

[cellio]

"no felony convictions": nicely done.

My "Anti-personnel" Ad

[badmagic.livejournal.com]

SW Mad Scientist, 40, seeking subjects for his experiments. Must have functioning knees.

I either fail 1 or 3

[temima.livejournal.com]

Single woman, 5'2, 170lbs, in a dead-end job. Hobbies include role-playing games and bad writers. Seeks sugar daddy to finance Great American Science Fiction Epic. Must be willing to let me practice on your car to earn my license. I'll move my stuffed animals off my bed to make room for you.

[any-contingency.livejournal.com]

23 yr old white male, 5'8", 165lbs, rebounding from a recent break up, desperate for attention and nurturing. In debt tens of thousands of dollars, no relevant education. High school dropout with G.E.D. Mechanic who has lost license, now working self to death doing overnights on Best Buy project team, making too little and falling further behind. No solid, feasible plans to get out of rut, no light visible at end of tunnel. Looking for someone to give me the temporary illusion that life is worthwhile, and the hope I may get over that big break-up from years back. Real ability to do any of these things irrelevant, I'll see what I want to as long as I can, anyway.

[any-contingency.livejournal.com]

Also: Relatively few convictions, all driving related, I beat the assault case.

An attempt from your cousin.

[serenah20.livejournal.com]

26 year old woman, edging towards 125 lbs, slightly acne scarred skin and unruly hair seeks slightly damaged man for relationship project. Must have at least 2 crippling shortcomings and love cats.

-Meghan

[practicallyfame.livejournal.com]

Commitment-obsessed, acne-scarred SWF, 5'5", seeks compassionate sugardaddy for financing love of purses and expensive breeds of birds. Promises to whimsically pursue interests without follow-thru. Career choice is lifelong student. Tens of thousands of dollars in student loans to pay off. No one has died yet from eating the food I cook. I V-Chipped out ESPN from my cable.