Writer's Block: Let's stay friends

[xiphias]

The matron of honor at our wedding was an ex of mine. Actually, we had an entire table that was mostly filled with my exes. The vast majority of them are on my LJ friends list.

I've lost touch with, like, one or two of my exes. I'm not sure what they're doing nowadays; I haven't seen them in a bunch of years. Other than that, I'm still friends with all my exes, and I consider many of them to be among my bestest friends ever. I'm not really able to be attracted to someone I don't like and respect, and just because I stopped dating someone doesn't make me like or respect her any less.

Comments

[bikergeek.livejournal.com]

I've always wondered where it was written that one had to be on bad terms with one's ex-SOs.

[snippy]

My exes are exes for good reasons. I no longer have any negative feelings toward any of them for what happened during our relationships, but we're not friends any longer--what broke our relationships also broke the friendships. There was only one with no friendship in the first place, and unsurprisingly it broke with the least pain.

I'm completely out of touch with the first man I fell in love with; I'm not even sure he's still alive, which grieves me as I would prefer for him to be part of my life and me part of his. I have at least some contact with most of the others--more contact than I want with my ex-husband but we have children together and so will always be part of each other's families.

[gingicat]

This; sometimes one has a relationship falling-out that cannot be repaired, whether with a friend, partner, or workplace. About half of the folks I've dated or been more deeply involved with fall into that category. Others are now acquaintances I like but we are not particularly close.

Ian: as it happens, the ex I've remained particularly good friends (perhaps better than before) with is one of yours as well. :)

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

Here here! Well said. But then again I'm biased considering I'm in the same boat and am still in touch with most of my exes, not that there are that many....

The only three I'm not still in touch with were the ones that were rather toxic and a bad choice to begin with....

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Heck, depending on how you count it, you and I can be considered exes. And I think you're a nifty human being.

(and, as I am a pedant, it's "hear, hear")

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

Agreed, depending on how you count, you're one of the exes I'm still in touch with. Given how short my list is and that there are a couple mistakes on it that I wish I could forget, I'd rather include you! It makes me feel better to think of that time than many of the other experiences I've had in the intervening years.

And yes, you are correct the way it should be written is hear hear. However given that I am not there but rather here, I figured I'd make a lame play on words.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

Well, that's because you're awesome.

--proud to be one of your exes. Um. You know what I mean.

[navrins]

Me too! (Except for the wedding part, but if and when I get married it's entirely possible that could happen.)

I think one of the big things that leads to bad break-ups is when one misrepresents oneself or makes promises in order to attract someone, or fools oneself into believing things about someone one is attracted to in order to justify dating them, or does things one doesn't really want to do in order to win a relationship. Realizing that the person you loved isn't really what you thought they were is hard, and one tends to take it out on them. But if you're honest with yourself, your partners and your potential partners about who and what you are and what you want, and you allow them to be honest with you, and you offer them only what it pleases you to offer without unrealistic expectations of returns, then you don't run into that problem. One or both of you may change, or you may realize that you're just not as compatible in the long run as you had thought you were, but at least you don't feel misled or fooled, so you can part ways without rancor.

At least, that's what seems to work for me. Maybe it's different for other people. Maybe it's just that I only date awesome women, and they remain awesome even after we break up.

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

I was a chuppah bearer in my ex's wedding. It was the nicest wedding party experience I've ever had. (However, quilted chuppahs are heavy!.)

My exes are a mixed bag. I'm only actual friends with the one whose wedding I was in. Some I've lost track of but I wish them well and am glad to have had them in my life. And for some, I rue the day I ever met them and would delete them from Earth if such a delete key existed. So, it's kind of all over the map for me.

[seventorches.livejournal.com]

All three of my bridesminions were former lovers.