Writer's Block: Let's stay friends

[xiphias]

The matron of honor at our wedding was an ex of mine. Actually, we had an entire table that was mostly filled with my exes. The vast majority of them are on my LJ friends list.

I've lost touch with, like, one or two of my exes. I'm not sure what they're doing nowadays; I haven't seen them in a bunch of years. Other than that, I'm still friends with all my exes, and I consider many of them to be among my bestest friends ever. I'm not really able to be attracted to someone I don't like and respect, and just because I stopped dating someone doesn't make me like or respect her any less.

Comments

[navrins]

Me too! (Except for the wedding part, but if and when I get married it's entirely possible that could happen.)

I think one of the big things that leads to bad break-ups is when one misrepresents oneself or makes promises in order to attract someone, or fools oneself into believing things about someone one is attracted to in order to justify dating them, or does things one doesn't really want to do in order to win a relationship. Realizing that the person you loved isn't really what you thought they were is hard, and one tends to take it out on them. But if you're honest with yourself, your partners and your potential partners about who and what you are and what you want, and you allow them to be honest with you, and you offer them only what it pleases you to offer without unrealistic expectations of returns, then you don't run into that problem. One or both of you may change, or you may realize that you're just not as compatible in the long run as you had thought you were, but at least you don't feel misled or fooled, so you can part ways without rancor.

At least, that's what seems to work for me. Maybe it's different for other people. Maybe it's just that I only date awesome women, and they remain awesome even after we break up.