Just called some wildlife removal people to deal with our raccoon situation.

[xiphias]

See, in general, I like raccoons, so it makes me a little happier that the effective methods of getting rid of raccoons do not involve hurting them, normally. Basically, what you need to do is evict them from where they're living in your house and keep them out. But if you hurt them, they end up hiding in the burrow -- which is your house, and your best case scenario is an injured or dead wild animal in your building, which Isn't Good.

So you have to do things like one-way doors, or wait for them to leave for the morning and THEN block it off or something. They end up homeless, but, as it's spring, they find another place to live.

If they've got pups, you have to evict the whole family, because otherwise, they'll come back to rescue their kids, and they're smarter than you are.

As I've been saying, if we could just get the 'coons to pay rent, I'd not have a problem with them. If we could get them to stay in one spot, not dig around, and pay maybe fifty, a hundred bucks a month, depending on how much space they needed, I'd be cool with them. Heck, even if they paid us in fruit or something, it'd be SOMETHING. Maybe the could do yard work. I dunno. But I don't speak raccoon, so I can't make that offer, and, even though they could probably hold a pen, I don't know if they can READ, so I don't think they'd understand the lease.

Our upstairs neighbor says that a raccoon walked past his window, and he put his hand on the glass, and said something to the effect of "Nyah, nyah, there's glass here and you can't get in!"

The raccoon looked at him, and put its paw on the other side of the glass just over where his hand was.

I like raccoons, and maybe they can find a spot in a shed or a tree right nearby and hang out, y'know? I wouldn't have a problem with that. I just don't want them digging in our walls.

Comments

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

I like raccoons, too. They live in my neighborhood, and I see them on my roof. I gave one a peanut butter sandwich once.

But yeah, they're not optimal as tenants.

[polydad.livejournal.com]

The ones near here like to bluff the tourists; a charging 30-pound rodent can get a tourist up on top of a car fairly quickly, to the great amusement of the raccoon.

When they get that big they have a bit of trouble getting back *out* of the garbage cans, though.

best,

Joel

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Now, now. Raccoons aren't rodents. They're procynidae, a caniform suborder of the carnivoria order.

In any case, once you get that big, you just throw your weight around until the can tips over, and you get out that way.

[polydad.livejournal.com]

Taxonomic correction appreciated. Tipping over the can *sometimes* gets the safety lid off, and sometimes not.

best,

Joel. Who hasn't been personally crawling in and out of the cans for a few decades.

[florafloraflora.livejournal.com]

Heh, I feel ya. Freeloaders are fine up to a point, but you have to draw the line at property damage.

[amberdine.livejournal.com]

I look forward to hearing the whole saga!

Reading people's attempts to get rid of raccoons makes for some of the most entertaining stuff on the internet.

Good luck. ;)

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

The saga will consist of, 1) hire professionals to look at the problem. 2) Freak out at how much they estimate it will cost to fix the problem. 3) Let them deal with it, and don't pay any attention to what's going on besides that, because there's absolutely nothing I can do to affect the outcome. 4) Pay the amount of money which will be even larger than the original estimate. 5) When the raccoons come back, call the people back, who will have warrantied their work, and have them fix it again.

I am NOT going to match wits with a raccoon. I will let the PROFESSIONALS, who, presumably, have done this before, and even have won occasionally, match wits with a raccoon.

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

I believe we've been selecting a number of wild species for intelligence.

[navrins]

Whoah. My brain has just gone off into Wild Extrapolation-land, picturing a planet with several hundred species that are as intelligent as humans and got that way by competing with the one species that got there first and has since moved on... or not... when the first human starship arrives...

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

Cool. That's got a nice golden age feel.

Dunno why, but I am suddenly reminded

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

"I like raccoons, I just don't want them in the same schools as my kids."

We dealt with raccoons every week when I was growing up. They'd do crack operations to pop open our increasingly-protected garbage cans, until we started using bungie cords to tie the lids down. That level of brute force, they couldn't muster. Then, surprise surprise, they left.

Re: Dunno why, but I am suddenly reminded

[phantom_wolfboy]

"Some of my best friends are raccoons. But I wouldn't want my sister to marry one." :)

[cellio]

Raccoons are fun to watch -- but not in your house, and not while they're doing damage. Good luck!

[cogitationitis.livejournal.com]

When I was a kid in the wilds of suburbia, we had raccoons that came on to our back porch and I fed them by hand. It was kind of a parlor trick, after a while, and three or four generations of semi-tame 'coons wandered the neighborhood. Then my grandmother got bit, and we learned they are major carriers of rabies, so we stopped.

They're especially fond of raisins, if you want bait, and (as you know) extraordinarily intelligent.