Most of today was good, except for the part where I broke one of my most important rules

[xiphias]

See, I have this rule which is, "Cause no unnecessary pain." And it also goes along with another rule which is "Cause no unintentional pain."

That second one is less fundamental than the first one, because, well, no matter how good you are at living your life, you're always going to cause SOME accidental pain. But the rule says that you should kind of try to be aware of that, and don't be a total moron about it.

And the first rule says that, well, when you're living your life, sometimes you're going to hurt people, but you should do it as little as possible, and only when there's really no better way -- that avoiding hurting someone would cause more hurt later, or more hurt to more people. Or, y'know, some other reason -- maybe there's issues of honor, or trust, or something involved that mean that you've got no option except hurting someone. That's "necessary pain", and it's not GOOD, but, well, it's necessary.

So, what's the absolute worst kind of pain to cause? Stuff that's totally unnecessary and totally unintentional, but not really ACCIDENTAL. Like, you realize afterward, or, more often, right in the middle of it, that you are being an absolute total fuckwit moron, and it's hurting someone.

Things I learned today:
1. Just because you feel comfortable joking with someone about their OWN death doesn't mean that you should assume that it's a good idea to joke about OTHER people's deaths.

2. I can be a total fuckwit moron. (Actually, that's not news; I knew that before.)

3. Sometimes, you kind of wish that you could just agree with someone to pretend that something you said just absolutely never happened and you will all Never Speak Of This Again.

Um. The rest of the day was good, though.

Comments

[felis-sidus.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Having been in similar situations, I feel your pain. I hope both you and the other person feel better soon.

[dancing-kiralee.livejournal.com]

Umm...

I sort of feel like I should say something, cause this post hits me in all sorts of weird ways...

...but I'm not sure what, partly because I can't quite sort out how it's hitting me, and partly because I don't have all the details (not that you're required to give them or anything, although I would at least like to know if I was... um... maybe I better not go there, she says, attempting not to end up as a total moron...)

So I guess I'm just babbling. Oh, well...

Kiralee

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I told a World Trade Center joke to someone who had lost three friends in it.

[dancing-kiralee.livejournal.com]

Ouch... I think I'm with you on pretending it never happened.

The thing that mostly hits me has to do with your rules, particularly the one about not accidentally causing pain... because I have similar rules, but also maybe different. I think I take accidental pain more seriously than "intentional" pain, because it happens more often, and it's harder to deal with. So I have a lot of rules about how one should deal with the situation if one does cause pain accidentally. How one recovers and learns from it.

And your rules set, because it doesn't include that... I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm offended... I don't feel that strongly... but it does feel... sort of not quite right...

Kiralee

[amberdine.livejournal.com]

All-too-familiar wince of sympathy. Sigh.

You know, I think part of the problem is knowing that you'd never intentionally cause someone pain... so the feelers for "might this hurt someone?" get numb through disuse.

That's what I tell myself, anyway.

[fibro-witch.livejournal.com]

No your not a fuckwit moron. A fuckwit moron would have insisted on making the part of the game where the towers came up an important part of the game.

Instead when I stepped out of character and requested the subject be dropped, all three of you went oh to other topics. We then had a short unplanned moment of silence for people you did not even know had existed.

I thought that part was very sweet. It took me a few bits to get myself back into the game, but I got back in. I don't think it was the mention of the towers so much as the comment they go up and down every day that sent me to the edge.

I also feel comfortable talking about my illness and impending death. Because to not do so would be lying. I am not going to help plan another worldcon in Boston, what if I become important and then leave. I would at least have to explain why I am suddenly twitching like I have ants in my pants, or if I suddenly announce I have to leave like NOW.

Let me explain

[fibro-witch.livejournal.com]

The first mention of the towers occured after we were talking about the 'historic' travel we could take on the earths surface. Someone mentioned the towers and I commented as to their being a memorial (I am firmly in the no new buildings camp)

Your comment made it seem as if the event was more of a Las Vegas show, the buildings go down, then they pop right back up again. That started a few jokes around the table, and that is when it hit my wall. And as soon as that happened, I raised my hand. And then everyone was GREAT in changing it.

SO first off we do not know everything about everyone in the game. Having never gamed before I know nothing about any of you. I am sure I will cross some line myself shortly.

I have been in those situations before, and they can end much worse. And on the 9/11 effected scale where 1 is the best highest level of respect and a 10 is a disrespectivly asshole who thinks he is giving respect. You guys scored a 2. Anyone who thinks the war in Iraq is to defeat the guys who attacked us that day get an 8 or above depending on how stupid or loud they protest a load of crap. W gets an 11.

So we shall never talk about it again.

[erin-c-1978.livejournal.com]

Argh. That is a familiar and awful feeling. All you can really do is apologize and move on.