The Olive Garden, a review

[xiphias]

So, Lis and Dad and I got there and put our names in to wait. About a half-hour wait for a table for three. You ever notice that, the more mediocre the food, the longer the wait? I mean, BAD food, you can get seated right away. GOOD food, you've either made reservations, or the line moves pretty fast. Okay, fine, during a summer weekend, you can spend fifteen minutes in line at Kelly's Roast Beef, so it's not ALWAYS true. But still, I only ever see the big areas where you wait for half an hour for your number to be called at mediocre places. I doubt it's a direct cause-effect relationship, but I wonder if they're not both effects of some third cause.

So we sat down to wait, and handed Dad a copy of The Day I Swapped My Dad for 2 Goldfish, by Neil Gaiman and Dave MccKean, because Lis had gotten it out of the library knowing that Dad would enjoy it. Which he did. Instead of simply reading it to himself, though, he read it out loud to us, and showed us the pictures. Which meant that ALL of us enjoyed it. That was fun.

After he finished, we talked for several more minutes, and then a table opened up in the bar area, so we sat there. We looked at the menu, and I mentioned how happy I was that Dad now kept kosher, because of the time when I was about fourteen or so, and he totally traumatized me by ordering the calamari at an Italian restaurant. He took the little squids and lined them up and did a Rockettes' kick line with the tentacles.

In the end, for drinks, Dad got an iced tea, which was fine, Lis got an Italian caramel cream soda, which was really good, if slightly artificial tasting in the caramel aftertaste, and I ordered Dr. Pepper which they were out of so I got a lemonade, and to eat, Dad got the portabello mushroom ravioli and garden salad, Lis got spaghetti with meat sauce, but had them do penne instead of spaghetti (Lis doesn't like spaghetti because it's harder to put the leftovers in a nuke-safe container, take it to work the next day, and nuke it and eat it) with a Caesar's salad, and I got the lasagna and pasta e fagioli soup.

So, the soup and salads arrived. I took a spoonful of my soup, and said, "This is pretty good, and it's nice to know that Chef Boyardee is still working." It's actually not all that easy to replicate the taste of Spaghetti-O's -- I know, I've tried, and I've even succeeded once, and I do like Spaghetti-O's; it's not what I was expecting from pasta e fagioli, but once I readjusted my expectations, I quite liked it.

Lis's Caesar salad looked wonderful -- big crispy leaves of lettuce that had a visual similarity to Romaine, a creamy dressing clinging properly to each leaf the way it's SUPPOSED to -- dressing is supposed to be tossed with the salad before it's served, not glopped on top, or served on the side -- large flakes of cheese generously sprinkled on top. She said, "Ian! You've got to try this cheese!"

I took a bite.

"See?" she said, "It looks just like Parmesan, but it doesn't taste like anything!"

Lis pointed out that it really DID have a vague, faint Parmesan kind of aftertaste, though.
I had a bite of the lettuce and dressing, too, which,

this lettuce and dressing:Romaine lettuce and Caesar dressing::the cheese on top::Parmesan cheese

The breadsticks were good, too, in a kind of salty, buttery Wonderbread way. They were really good dipped in the soup.

I finished my soup, including mopping up any last bits with the breadsticks, Dad had enough of his salad to feel virtuous, which, let's face it, is the point of garden salads in any season other than summer, Lis made a respectable dent in her Caesar's considering the absence of flavor.

The main course arrived about forty-five seconds after we all decided that we were just about done with the first course and ready for the main course, which is REALLY good timing.

Dad took a bite of his mushroom ravioli, and asked if I wanted a bite. I turned him down, because I don't like mushrooms. I briefly reconsidered when he commented, "I don't know. . . in a portobello mushroom ravioli, I kind of expect to have some sort of . . . portobello mushroom taste. . . " but I didn't end up having a bite. He did polish the plate off, though.

I took one bite of the and said, "The Chateau in Waltham." Because it tasted exactly like the lasagna at The Chateau. Which for many years was the place that my grandparents would take us for cheap food. I asked if The Chateau was still doing as well as it always had been, and Dad said, "Oh, there's no way that place is EVER going out of business -- they put out 1200 meals an hour at peak, in four dining rooms." I said that I thought that they would have had some sort of dropoff in business because of the vast number of other good restaurants in Waltham, but Dad said that he didn't think that anyone else is going for the exactly the same sort of family-friendly cheap Italian food. I looked around the bar area, saw all the families with small children, and said, "The Olive Garden, arguably," and he conceded the possibility, although I don't think he was totally convinced.

As I ate more of the lasagna, I did notice a few differences -- first, the Olive Garden version was so salty that I couldn't finish it. Now, you've got to understand how remarkable this is -- I LOVE salt. For this, I blame rebmommy. She raised me HEALTHY. What was she thinking? She used to make wholesome, low-sodium, low-fat meals out of fresh ingredients, organically and locally grown as often as we could afford it, carefully prepared with fresh flavors, top-quality ingredients, and interesting spices. She'd bake fresh baked goods out of delicious mixtures of whole-grain flour; she even made her own yogurt when you couldn't get decent quality yogurt commercially.
Lis: "That's not how you usually talk about your food growing up!"
Me: "Yeah, but Mom's probably going to read this. . . "
Okay, seriously, Mom couldn't cook meat. She's been learning in recent years as she's started to need a lot more protein. But she did, and does, really well with vegetarian stuff.

This is, of course, why I cook with lumps of butter the size of my elbow, and buy salt and sugar at Costco.

Even with the fact that, left to my own devices, I'll make a tuna casserole that nobody else considers edible, and I'll STILL add salt to my portion, THIS lasagna defeated even me.

So, that was the first difference between the Olive Garden and Chateau lasagnas. The second difference was about three bucks. Chateau is cheaper.

Lis's penne bologianse was fine. I mean, it wasn't anywhere near as good as Polcari's (which, oddly, I can't find on their online menu -- but I strongly suspect that, if I walked in there and ordered a plate of Spaghetti Bologniase, they'd give it to me, at least, I hope so), but it was perfectly fine, and she's taking it to work tomorrow.

For dessert, Dad got the Berry Crostada, which he quite enjoyed, and Lis and I split the Chocolate Lasagna, which is a chocolate cake and buttercream affair. I also got a cup of espresso. It was all good, although I surprised myself by not even eating my half of the cake. I blame wisdom tooth surgery for that, mainly.

The total came to about eight dollars more than the gift certificate Dad had, which was just about what he was aiming for. So he basically just had to pay for eight bucks plus eleven bucks tip.

Was the meal worth nineteen bucks for the three of us? Oh, yes, very much so. Was it worth sixty-nine bucks? Well, there it's a bit more of a judgment call.

There is nothing wrong with the Olive Garden. Place was clean, efficient, food was reasonably tasty and served hot and promptly.

But, see, there's no REASON to go to the Olive Garden, when you can get better food cheaper, basically, EVERYWHERE in Boston. I mean, I think of the Chateau as "cheap food that you go to with little kids until you train 'em well enough to go somewhere GOOD." But the food is better than Olive Garden. That's not to say that Olive Garden is bad -- it's not. It's just to say that the REST of Boston bottoms out slightly higher than where Olive Garden peaks.

Comments

[mattblum.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that jibes with my experience at the Olive Garden. It's not terrible, but if you can't find better food at the same or cheaper prices, you're just not trying.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I think I'd add, "And you live in a metropolitan area." I think I could imagine living somewhere with no actual ethnic population, where there just weren't any people who grew up with the cuisine, where this was as good as you could get. I just can't imagine that happening real close to any major city.

[beardedone.livejournal.com]

I'd lump Olive Garden with Buca Di Beppo. I don't find the food at Buca to be all that good, however others like the family style menu, with ample servings, and relatively okay prices.

What about the Old Spaghetti Factory?

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

The one in Boston is long gone. I liked it when it was around, but it hasn't been around in, like, ten years.

[kightp.livejournal.com]

That sounds about like my experience of the Olive Garden. Which is too bad, because there are no actual Italian restaurants in this area, so when we want something more Italian than, say, pizza, it's either cook it at home or go to the Olive Garden.

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

He took the little squids and lined them up and did a Rockettes' kick line with the tentacles.

Blasphemy!

[cellio]

Indeed. For proper Rockettes' simulation you need a nice long line and they have to be synchronized. Unless he's really dextrous or had help, he probably only got two or three kicking at a time.

[gingicat]

Yeah, I've been to the Olive Garden exactly once, because it wasn't worth going back.

There's a really good Italian restaurant on Route 1 in Saugus (?), called Orzo.

Wolf says, "Olive Garden is better than Papa Gino's." Talk about damning with faint praise...

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I'd agree with Wolf on that. I really like Papa Gino's spaghetti and meatballs. Besides, my formula for a restaurant is "quality/price", and, while I'd be willing to spot Olive Garden a higher numerator, it also has a higher denominator.

[teddywolf.livejournal.com]

Never had spaghetti and meatballs out of the house, as lots of places put cheese in theirs.
The quality of the pasta is higher at OG than at PG, though PG has been working to narrow that gap in recent years; and I prefer their sauce as well. Additionally, there's the little-known fact that you can have unlimited juice refills at the OG. As most sodas are on my Off list owing to high fructose corn syrup, and I drink a fair bit, this makes the denominator lower than it might otherwise be for me.

Now, all that said, I have no reason to go to an Olive Garden in this part of Massachusetts. I have slightly more reason to go to Papa Gino's when I need: a small meal, cheap, in a hurry, away from home, at lunch. Still, I've had no reason to go into the Papa Gino's four blocks away from our home.

I will take Olive Garden over VinnyT's, though. I don't believe the quality of food to be better at OG, but the one and only time I went into VinnyT's I ended up with a strange allergen reaction that left me with an extreme sensitivity to any pepper-spices for over a year.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I haven't EVER been to a VinnieT's. We used to go occasionally back when it was Vinnie Testa's, but we found that the food was borderline-fresh -- that is, we never got sick eating there -- but we'd OFTEN get sick after eating the leftovers a couple days later.

[goljerp]

First of all, for those who recently friended Xiphias, I want to note that he does not talk about squid or octapi every post. And he very rarely posts pictures of food that looks like (but is not, in fact) octapus.

More on topic: I think I've eaten at Olive Garden once, on the evening of September 11, 2001. From what I recall, the restaurant was pretty empty... although, like most people in NY/NJ, I was a bit in shock that evening...

[goljerp]

Note: those seplling errors were intentional. Really.

[unquietsoul5.livejournal.com]

That's true... sometimes he discusses the secret languages of cats, the Knights Templar, the secret conspiracy of dave's, and other interesting things.... and of course, cooking and food.

:-)

[quietann.livejournal.com]

When I lived in Columbia, MO, the Olive Garden was actually about the best option for Italian food, other than cooking it oneself. But, Columbia, MO... which probably had an Italian grad student or 3, but that was it. (It did have a couple of nice, inexpensive Greek places, oddly enough. And a Greek guy who sold the best corned beef Reuben subs (this was before I cared about the milk/meat issue) for about $3.)

But, yeah. The Chateau would be a better choice, for this sort of food. When I worked at Bentley College, we often got catered-in lunches from them at various meetings. They are doing great; they recently opened a huge restaurant along Rt. 93 in Andover.

Part of the problem is that people in the 'burbs tend to be pretty non-adventurous about food. A trip into Boston for *real* Italian food requires a lot of logistical planning (just think about trying to park in the North End!) And people who move here from other places will tend to pick chain restaurants, because those are the "safest" bets.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

That's why I was doing my shoutouts to Polcari's and the Chateau -- two good Italian restaurants in areas that you can drive to and find parking. I mean, I can understand not wanting to go into the North End -- your best practice is to park at a Park-And-Ride spot and T in, which can be a pain in the butt for people not used to it.

So: non-Bostonian folks and people new to the Boston area: if you're in Boston, and have a car, and are in the mood for something Olive-Garden-Like, but not anything SPECIFICALLY on the OG menu, I'd suggest Polcari's or the Chateau as better bets.

[cogitationitis.livejournal.com]

I went to the Chateau in Waltham a lot as a kid, though I don't recall it clearly. And I've been to the one in Andover and been underwhelmed. (It was also a bit pricier than you'd expect.) Vinny Testa's seemed worthless: the portions were a cup of sauce on a pound of pasta.

When I want good, cheap, old-fashioned Italian American, I go to Kittys on Rte 28 @ Rte 62 in North Reading. The sausages are awesome, the portions huge, the prices reasonable, the waitstaff just what you'd expect, and the pizza isn't why you're there. I often get a fettucini alfredo appetizer, and it's a meal.

[kelfstein.livejournal.com]

The Olive Garden restaurants in this area, north of Pittsburgh Pa, are fairly good but we have two local restaurants Natili's and Servanti's that are closer, with better food. For cheap Italian we have the Villa Grande.
The only chain I like is Texas Roadhouse, texas tacky to the extreme but good steaks, if I want better I cook them myself!

about the squid

[(Anonymous)]

Now let's get the history straight.
There was only a couple of squid and the effect I was trying to do was "clogging" as had been taught to me by a french canadian carpenter who had gotten shot up on d-day storming normandie so his coordination was a bit off and therefore my sense of clogging may- just may- have been a bit off.

Just a reality check-I don't remember, was I humming any music at the time???
Duzzy

Re: about the squid

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I am honestly too traumatized to remember. All I can say is that it is a good thing that we were at that restaurant just after I came out from my shrink appointment.

It was a good restaurant, though. Abrutzi Via in Newton Corner. Long gone now, but they had this deal where you could get any pasta you wanted with any sauce, in infinite amounts. Once you finished a bowl of pasta and sauce, they'd ask what sauce and what pasta you wanted them to bring out next. Spaghetti, penne, ziti, rigatoni, fettuccini, and gnocci I think they had, along with a maranara, an aglio e olio, a boliognaise, an alfredo, a pesto, and a couple other sauces. Given that I was a teenaged boy, that was a great, great deal.

I wonder if I'm a factor in their being out of business now?

Re: about the squid

[felis-sidus.livejournal.com]

Okay, I've been putting off asking, but I'm out of willpower. What was it that was so traumatic? Was it "OMG, my father is making his squid dance in public! How humiliating!"? Or was it "Oh, I feel so sorry for the poor squid for being eaten!"? Or perhaps "How humiliating for the squid!"? Or was it all three, or something else entirely? "Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!", maybe? Any of these seem good reasons for trauma; I'm just having trouble figuring out which it actually was.

Re: about the squid

[sproutntad.livejournal.com]

for me it was mostly the "OMG, my father is making his squid dance in public! How humiliating!" But if xiphias was a teenager, and I'm 5 years younger, I was in definate pre-teen angst. So Everything my parents did was traumatic.

Re: about the squid

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I don't know if it was precisely the humiliation of having my father make his squid dance -- although, given that I was a teenager, I'm sure that was a factor -- or if it was simply the fact that dancing squid are traumatic. Probably a combination of both.

Re: about the squid

[rebmommy.livejournal.com]

For me, the trauma was the fact that he was actually touching those squid with his bare fingers - yuk!

Re: about the squid

[rebmommy.livejournal.com]

I remember that Italian restaurant! One of the best in the area, in my opinion. Too bad it's no longer there. A really good Indian restaurant, India Paradise, is in that location now. Really good Indian food, lots of it, and no squid! They have an excellent vegetarian dinner for two that dad and I get when we go there. You and Lis went once with us. Seems to me that we were looking for Italian that day, though.

Re: about the squid

[sproutntad.livejournal.com]

yes, yes you were