Nigerian yellow cake uranium discovered!

[xiphias]

Lis and I have found the yellow cake nuclear materiel that Bush refered to in his State of the Union address:



Actually, I think I found the evidence that the Bush administration was basing their claims on:

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND 'TOP SECRET'. I AM SURE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A PENDING TRANSACTION REQUIRING MAXIIMUM CONFIDENCE.

WE ARE TOP OFFICIAL OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL WHO ARE INTERESTED IN IMPORATION OF GOODS INTO OUR COUNTRY WITH FUNDS AND FISSIONABLE MATERIALS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN NIGERIA. IN ORDER TO COMMENCE THIS BUSINESS WE SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE TO ENABLE US TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THE SAID TRAPPED YELLOW CAKE URANIUM.

THE SOURCE OF THIS FUND IS AS FOLLOWS; DURING THE LAST MILITARY REGIME HERE IN NIGERIA, THE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS SET UP COMPANIES AND AWARDED THEMSELVES NUCLEAR MATERIALS AND WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRUCTION. WE HAVE IDENTIFIED A GREAT DEAL OF UNINVENTORIED NUCLEAR MATERIALS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY FLOATING IN THE WAREHOUSES OF THE ARMY READY FOR DEPLOYMENT.

HOWEVER, BY VIRTUE OF OUR POSITION AS CIVIL SERVANTS AND MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL, WE CANNOT SELL THIS URANIUM IN OUR NAMES. I HAVE THEREFORE, BEEN DELEGATED AS A MATTER OF TRUST BY MY COLLEAGUES OF THE PANEL TO LOOK FOR AN OVERSEAS PARTNER INTO WHOSE ACCOUNT WE WOULD TRANSFER THE SUM OF US$21,320,000.00(TWENTY ONE MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND U.S DOLLARS). HENCE WE ARE WRITING YOU THIS LETTER. WE HAVE AGREED TO SHARE THE MONEY THUS; 1. 20% FOR THE ACCOUNT OWNER 2. 70% FOR US (THE OFFICIALS) 3. 10% TO BE USED IN SETTLING TAXATION AND ALL LOCAL AND FOREIGN EXPENSES. IT IS FROM THE 70% THAT WE WISH TO COMMENCE THE IMPORTATION BUSINESS.

PLEASE,NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE AND WE HOPE TO COMMENCE THE TRANSFER LATEST SEVEN (7) BANKING DAYS FROM THE DATE OF THE RECEIPT OF THE FOLLOWING INFORMATIOM BY TEL/FAX; 234-1-7740449, YOUR COMPANY'S SIGNED, AND STAMPED LETTERHEAD PAPER THE ABOVE INFORMATION WILL ENABLE US WRITE LETTERS OF CLAIM AND JOB DESCRIPTION RESPECTIVELY. THIS WAY WE WILL USE YOUR COMPANY'S NAME TO APPLY FOR PAYMENT AND RE-AWARD THE CONTRACT IN YOUR COMPANY'S NAME.

WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING THIS BUSINESS WITH YOU AND SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENTIALITY IN THIS TRANSATION. PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF THIS LETTER USING THE ABOVE TEL/FAX NUMBERS. I WILL SEND YOU DETAILED INFORMATION OF THIS PENDING PROJECT WHEN I HAVE HEARD FROM YOU.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR CLEMENT OKON

NOTE; PLEASE QUOTE THIS REFERENCE NUMBER (VE/S/09/99) IN ALL YOUR RESPONSES.

Comments

[sunspiral.livejournal.com]

*snork*
One of Burke's old coal buckets was a 5 gallon plastic tub originally labelled and used for food service grade Yellow Cake Mix. I must admit that it was the first thing I thought of when I heard of the Nigerian Yellow Cake Uranium.

[supergee.livejournal.com]

Today's pedantic nitpick is that the yellow cakes came from Niger, not Nigeria. (Two colonial powers had the idea of naming an African country after the Latin word for black.)

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

Yum. :)

whats up with yellow cake in africa

[(Anonymous)]

I was watching the dave chapelle show like 3 weeks ago and didn't get a joke. It was based on yellow cake in Africa my boy-friend is from Africa and I felt to stupid to ask him what the big deal is about yellow cake. Can someone tell me.

Re: whats up with yellow cake in africa

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

You'll notice that this post is five years old.

Remember just before we started the war with Iraq? We claimed that Iraq had "weapons of mass destruction." There was no evidence that they did -- and, in fact, we now know that they didn't, and the the Bush administration lied about it, and that they lied to get us into a war, and thousands and thousands of people are now dead because they lied.

One of the lies they told was that there was evidence that Iraq had bought "yellow cake uranium" from the country of Niger, in Africa. It's a kind of uranium which can be refined into weapons-grade uranium.

Of course, this was a total lie, and the spy who was in charge of checking this stuff out -- a very highly-placed and competent covert agent of the CIA -- reported that this was completely false.

The woman's husband ALSO knew that this was false, since he had also helped get the information. He was an ambassador, named Joseph Wilson. And, because he WASN'T in the CIA, and because he was OPENLY doing research into this while his wife was doing covert research, he could write an editorial saying that there WAS no evidence of this, and that the White House was lying.

In revenge, Lewis "Scooter" Libby, the vice-president's chief of staff, contacted a reporter named Robert Novak, and said that Valerie Plame, the wife of Joseph Wilson, was a CIA agent, and, therefore, you couldn't trust Wilson's editorial saying that the White House was lying.

Yes, it doesn't make sense. The White House said, "He said that we are lying, but, see, his wife is the person who's in CHARGE of finding out all about nuclear weapons in Africa, and so, because she's the person who knows, you can't trust him."

Valerie Plame had her cover blown, and, since she was the person who was in CHARGE of spy operations finding out about weapons of mass destruction, the CIA, and the United States, lost one of our valuable assets, because Scooter Libby, working for Dick Cheney, decided that getting revenge on someone who tried to keep them from lying us into a pointless war was more important than keeping America safe.