There are a FEW things that I think it's okay for me to share outside my crisis training

[xiphias]

Obviously, confidentiality is absolutely primary in crisis hotline work. And that includes not only texter information, but also even things that are tangential, like our training methods, just because they can sometimes use information from real texts -- anonymized, of course, but even so.

That said, I do feel it's okay to share some things like this dramatization of the importance of understanding the difference between supporting a person and trying to solve their problems. It's not our job to solve people's problems; if solving things is what THEY want to do, we help them work through the process, but we don't solve things for them, and if what they want to do is vent, that's what we do. And I think the following video is a good example of that:

Comments

[fengi.livejournal.com]

I agree crisis work isn't about fixing situations but getting people through the immediate moment of distress no matter how they wish to address this.

I don't think this video is about crisis work. I read it as a satire of enabling behavior - therapeutic rhetoric misused to discuss effects while maintaining denial about the clear cause (like addiction or an undeniable medical condition).

I see it as the difference between calling 911 during a heart attack and talking at length about frequent chest pains and dizziness but refusing to discuss medical attention.

Mentioning the cause when someone keeps bringing up the effects isn't trying to fix them, it's a natural observation. Most of the time, the reason the person keeps bringing up such things is they want to get past denial, even if they can't admit it at first.

I wanted to add there are many situations where it's wrong to bring up the cause because it's unclear, multiple, too complex and/or has no coherent resolution. Then one isn't supporting the person. "Nail in the Head" seems to be about situations where there's a clear discussion that should be had but isn't.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

And that's why it was brought up in training. Because it IS a natural observation, and it's not our job.

She's aware that there is a nail in her head. But, for whatever reason, she doesn't want to deal with it right now. She almost certainly is aware of the nail and its relationship to everything -- but that's not why she's talking to her boyfriend. If she wanted to have the nail removed right then, she'd be talking to a doctor, or a carpenter, or something. For whatever reasons of her own, she's not. She's looking for support in dealing with the effects of the problem; not a solution for the problem, not right then.

Jason Headley may not have written it about crisis support, and he may not realize that that's what it's about. But it is. It's obviously taken to extremes for comic effect -- but it really IS relevant to what our jobs are.

Talking about solutions when the person just wants support or venting is not only useless, it's counterproductive.

[navrins]

Ayup. A lesson almost learned in several relationships, even before grad school... and still sometimes hard to hold onto. I really *like* to solve problems, especially when the solution is clear and obvious to me. But sometimes it's not what's needed... sometimes the problem *you're* being asked to help with isn't the one that obviously needs addressing.

I try to remember that, from a certain perspective, "Nobody cares about or understands my pain" IS a problem, and one that's completely separate from the pain itself. That's the one it's my job to solve, by being somebody who cares and understands, or maybe by helping somebody else to care and understand, or helping them see that there is somebody else who cares and understands. I can do that.

[gansje.livejournal.com]

It's wonderful you're back volunteering as a crisis counselor, and this is one of the best videos ever. :D

[firecat]

Sending this to the other member of my household who shares my addiction to what we call MAS ('male answer syndrome') (which is not as gendered as people think it is)

[metaphortunate.livejournal.com]

IDK, man. It seems to me like the message of the video is "bitches be crazy."

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

It depends on which character you identify with. There are two messages here, and the writer may very well have intended the "bitches be crazy" message.

But both are there, and the one WE were expected to take away WASN'T the "bitches be crazy" one.