A word I've been thinking about
May. 19th, 2003 02:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xiphiasluftmensch: Yiddish, literally, "air man".
An impractical dreamer.
There exists such a thing as a practical dreamer -- someone who has an image in their head of what they want, no matter how unlikely, and then works to make that image reality.
Most people who've started businesses are like that. In a bigger sense, MLK Jr. was like that -- dreams, when held by practical dreamers, are powerful.
But a luftmensh has a dream, and then lives in it -- plays around with it, tinkers with the dream, daydreams about it -- but never puts it into practice. Fundamentally, a luftmensh doesn't believe in the possibility of zir dream. And so the luftmensch doesn't work towards it. A luftmensh imagines that the closest zie can get to the dream is to dream it, so spends a lot of time dreaming it, but never wants to take the risk of making it real, because zie believes, deep down that it can't be real, so doesn't want to take the risk. Because if zie attempts to make the dream real, and fails, then zie won't have the dream at all, while if zie never does anything with it, then at least zie has the dream.
Zie may do little things with the dream, to try to fool zirself that zie is doing something with it. But, really, zie won't take any step that risks succeeding at the dream, because that would risk failing, too. And, in any case, succeed or fail, zie will lose the dream.
The Tarot card "Seven of Cups" expresses this idea, I think.
I'm a luftmensh. I understand that about myself, and I try to learn to change. I think of Dr. Jack Cohen's comment that "Unless you fail at more than 10% of the things you try, you aren't trying enough things."
And I'm getting better. It's just that, in trying to get rid of my luftmenschen tendencies, I've really stopped having dreams entirely, more than I've started thinking of my dreams as achievable.
I mean, I could take language classes. I could learn Hebrew. And Aramaic, and take a bunch more classes, and I could end up as a rabbi. I know it's possible.
Now that I know that I can do it, I don't know that I want to.
My cousin Mike's a luftmensch. He has been talking about the two of us opening up a restaurant. Last night, I told him, "We could do that. We actually could. We can make that happen. So I want to know if that's something you actually want, because I don't want you finding yourself waking up at three thirty in the morning to go shopping for food at a restaurant that you don't actually want."
My father's a luftmensch. He doesn't understand that about himself, and hasn't figured out how deal with it. He thinks he's making progress on his dreams. He does things that look, to him, like progress. But they're not. They're just a way to hide the fact that he's doing everything to not make progress on his dreams.
My in-laws are not luftmenschen. While I can imagine them thinking about what it would be like to have superpowers, I can't imagine them investing that meditation with the passion and depth and imaginary reality that I bring to that meditation. Their dreams are big, they're impressive -- but they're fundamentally practical and real. They may have luftmenschen-type dreams as well, but they also have very pragmatic dreams that they can, and do work towards.
Lis is not a luftmensch. Not really. Her dreams tend to be of the practical variety.
But I'm changing that in her. I think that exposure to me encourages her to dream more phantasmagorical dreams, more fantastical dreams, more whimsical dreams.
Exposure to her is teaching me to dream more practically.
This is, I think, one of the biggest reasons we are so well-suited for one another.
An impractical dreamer.
There exists such a thing as a practical dreamer -- someone who has an image in their head of what they want, no matter how unlikely, and then works to make that image reality.
Most people who've started businesses are like that. In a bigger sense, MLK Jr. was like that -- dreams, when held by practical dreamers, are powerful.
But a luftmensh has a dream, and then lives in it -- plays around with it, tinkers with the dream, daydreams about it -- but never puts it into practice. Fundamentally, a luftmensh doesn't believe in the possibility of zir dream. And so the luftmensch doesn't work towards it. A luftmensh imagines that the closest zie can get to the dream is to dream it, so spends a lot of time dreaming it, but never wants to take the risk of making it real, because zie believes, deep down that it can't be real, so doesn't want to take the risk. Because if zie attempts to make the dream real, and fails, then zie won't have the dream at all, while if zie never does anything with it, then at least zie has the dream.
Zie may do little things with the dream, to try to fool zirself that zie is doing something with it. But, really, zie won't take any step that risks succeeding at the dream, because that would risk failing, too. And, in any case, succeed or fail, zie will lose the dream.
The Tarot card "Seven of Cups" expresses this idea, I think.
I'm a luftmensh. I understand that about myself, and I try to learn to change. I think of Dr. Jack Cohen's comment that "Unless you fail at more than 10% of the things you try, you aren't trying enough things."
And I'm getting better. It's just that, in trying to get rid of my luftmenschen tendencies, I've really stopped having dreams entirely, more than I've started thinking of my dreams as achievable.
I mean, I could take language classes. I could learn Hebrew. And Aramaic, and take a bunch more classes, and I could end up as a rabbi. I know it's possible.
Now that I know that I can do it, I don't know that I want to.
My cousin Mike's a luftmensch. He has been talking about the two of us opening up a restaurant. Last night, I told him, "We could do that. We actually could. We can make that happen. So I want to know if that's something you actually want, because I don't want you finding yourself waking up at three thirty in the morning to go shopping for food at a restaurant that you don't actually want."
My father's a luftmensch. He doesn't understand that about himself, and hasn't figured out how deal with it. He thinks he's making progress on his dreams. He does things that look, to him, like progress. But they're not. They're just a way to hide the fact that he's doing everything to not make progress on his dreams.
My in-laws are not luftmenschen. While I can imagine them thinking about what it would be like to have superpowers, I can't imagine them investing that meditation with the passion and depth and imaginary reality that I bring to that meditation. Their dreams are big, they're impressive -- but they're fundamentally practical and real. They may have luftmenschen-type dreams as well, but they also have very pragmatic dreams that they can, and do work towards.
Lis is not a luftmensch. Not really. Her dreams tend to be of the practical variety.
But I'm changing that in her. I think that exposure to me encourages her to dream more phantasmagorical dreams, more fantastical dreams, more whimsical dreams.
Exposure to her is teaching me to dream more practically.
This is, I think, one of the biggest reasons we are so well-suited for one another.
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(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-19 11:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-19 01:07 pm (UTC)But I think I disagree with this statement:
"Lis is not a luftmensch. Not really. Her dreams tend to be of the practical variety."
I'm flattered, but I think you're giving me far too much credit.
My dreams have always been more fanciful than practical and tend to remain dreams.
I was trying to figure out why my self-image differs from your image of me and I come up with two things:
1) My dreams are very divorced from what I accomplish on a day-by-day basis. I did schoolwork, looked for jobs, and am now working full-time. But (aside from getting the degree) those had little to do with my dreams. All the while, my mind has been filled with this Draco story I've been working on and how I might run for president and what I'd do if I won the lottery (even though I never play) and a million things like that.
2) I embarrass so easily and get so afraid of criticism that I avoid sharing these dreams with others -- even you. I keep them in my head, I devote time to it when I'm alone, but I don't record these things anywhere tangible. I'll probably never actually run for president because I'm not actually interested in all the intermediate steps to get there. But I'm not going to give up on those fantasies.
I think the closest you've gotten to seeing this aspect of me was with Goodfellow, a character that outside my head will never go beyond that RPG. And think about how much time I spent on that that you know about.
Right now, I'm often preoccupied with my Draco fiction, replaying and reworking scenes in my head that I don't feel confident enough to capture on paper.
Maybe it helps you to think of me as the grounded one keeping you tethered while you soar in the stratosphere, but just so you know, I often think you're fulfilling the same role for me.