And what's going on in my life

[xiphias]

I feel awkward talking about my life, with what's going on in Christchurch, and what's going on in Libya, and to a lesser but still important extent in Madison, and all of that HUGE stuff. Against all that, the problems of one little person don't amount to a hill of beans. But still. They're MY beans.

So what's been going on? Last Friday, I got a provisional trial "rule-out" diagnosis of ADD. My psychopharm went through the questionnaires with me, and it came out with a strong "Maybe," so he proscribed me anti-ADD meds to see if they do anything useful. If they don't, then I don't have it. If they do, then I have another tool to becoming more functional.

So, my grandfather chose to forgo his last palliative hospital visit to drain the fluid that builds up in his abdomen, or something like that. He decided that it was time to stop care, and is now in his endgame. He's got morphine for the pain, and is therefore sleeping, and all of his children are around. Typically, it's about a day to a week until death at that point, and that all happened yesterday. So he could die any minute, or any time this week.

We went over last night to see him; he was asleep through it, but we were really mainly there to see my parents and my aunts and uncles. Me and my cousins, well, we're definitely sad and all, but we're losing a grandparent, while my Mom and her siblings are losing their parent. It's much harder on them, so I think my generation is mainly there to support our parents, and secondarily for our grandfather. But it still hurts.

I made it to 37 years old with all of my grandparents alive. That's a wonderful thing. But this is nonetheless not easy.

The person who was going to take the huge TV from upstairs, that fell through. So I'm not sure how I'm going to get rid of THAT. I've got someone coming over this afternoon, hopefully, to look at our basement and how to get new washers and dryers for our tenants. I'm not going to really start cracking on looking for a job seriously until I've got the house fixed up for vonbeck to move upstairs and jehanna to move downstairs.

I dunno.

Comments

[horizonchaser.livejournal.com]

No matter what else, we still have to look after ourselves. *hugs* I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather.

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

That's quite a lot to be dealing with all at once. Thinking good thoughts in your direction.

[plantmom.livejournal.com]

Yes, indeed it is. *hugs* too.

[plantmom.livejournal.com]

Yes, indeed it is. *hugs* too.

[plantmom.livejournal.com]

Yes, indeed it is. *hugs* too.

[plantmom.livejournal.com]

Yes, indeed it is. *hugs* too.

[plantmom.livejournal.com]

Yes, indeed it is. *hugs* too.

[theletterelle.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your grandfather's condition. I have one grandparent left, and I'm dreading losing her. It really does hurt, and it's okay that you're focusing on that.

Good luck with your ADD meds. Mine have made a huge difference in my life. For the first time, I'm not wishing I could just sleep forever, struggling to make it through the day. I have actual energy, and I can focus it on whatever I want. It's taking some getting used to.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your impending loss, glad that your grandfather was able to make the decision himself and have it respected by his family, and understanding that this is, indeed, not easy. Good Thoughts offered for the best possible outcome for him and for all of you.

I hope that the meds make a positive difference for you.

And I wish you good luck in finding a taker for the TV, and success in getting appropriate areas of the house fixed up for new tenants.

[ckd]

May you all be comforted.

[redbird]

You and your problems are real, and they do matter. You're allowed to care about yourself and your family. (You aren't interrupting a discussion of the current events in Christchurch or Madison to say "that's interesting, but I need to get a new dryer" or "never mind those foreigners, what about my grandfather?")

Nor will anyone in Libya or New Zealand be helped if you sit worrying about them instead of about your family and your mental health. Think about them, yes. Think about what, if anything, you are going to do to help. Then do it, and go on to the next thing. You aren't an EMT in New Zealand, there's nothing useful you could accomplish by dropping your own life right now.

Remember "your own oxygen mask first"? Those ADD meds are part of securing your oxygen mask.

[thnidu.livejournal.com]

What they said. Especially redbird.

Except the anonymous spam comment that I see just above mine and below redbird's.

[jehanna.livejournal.com]

I wish you strength and peace. If there's anything I can do to help with apartment foo just let me know.

I've found the Craigslist "free" section to be a terrific place to get rid of unwanted things. In fact, I used it to get rid of my much-less-cool-than-that TV just recently. Freecycle might also do.

[greenlily.livejournal.com]

*hugs* What redbird says.

*sprays bleach on the spammer*

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Spam post deleted and reported.

[unquietsoul5.livejournal.com]

Gentle thoughts and best wishes getting through these events.

[pameladean]

Yes, they are your beans, and I personally feel that hills of beans are underrated in this crazy world. And in a situation that seems remarkably similar, it's your grief, too, even if it's a different kind, and you get to have it. It's good you can be there for the next generation up.

P.

[ellettra.livejournal.com]

Not easy at all to lose a grandparent. I'm sorry you're going through it. Sending hugs...

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Yep. We still have to deal with our beans. And our families.

Wishing peace for your grandfather and strength for the rest of you guys.