![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xiphiasSo, I saw this one, and, unlike most of them, I thought it was interesting enough to do.
Answer all questions for you AND your spouse/significant other. (If you've got multiple spouses and/or significant others, y'know, choose one or more, or whatever you want, I guess. Not like these things are set in stone.)
Mine is "David", hers is "Anne". With an "e" at the end. Her first name is "Elisabeth" with an "s". (Sorta the inverse of "It's 'Liza' with a 'Z' not 'Lisa' with an 'S' . . .) So, for her bat mitzvah, she got a pen personalized with her name -- with BOTH her first AND middle names misspelled.
Since December 21, 1994, I think. So that's, um, fourteen years and change? We were married June 13, 1999 (man, I so hope I'm right about that date, or I'm dead), so that's a bit over nine and a half years.
We met in September of 1992, and I'll tell you all about that some other time. But we never really talked until probably the summer of '94, when we became friends instead of acquaintances.
She asked me. Although I assume I'd made it pretty obvious that I was interested in her.
I'm 35, as of this past week, she's 38.
Honestly, about the same, although probably slightly tilted toward my side. Her brother and my sister BOTH live in Florida, so it takes actual travel to see them. If you count foster siblings, well, my niece and nephew's mother doesn't count me as a brother, although she counts my mother as her mother, my sister as her sister, and counts Lis and me as her kid's aunt and uncle. She decided that she needed a sister, a mother, and a father, but needed me as a friend and not a brother, but that her kids should have aunts and uncles. So that's what we are. If you counted her as my sibling, then it'd definitely be me, but she's not my sibling -- she's my sibling's sibling, so she doesn't count for this purpose.
My sister visits up here periodically, given that this is where her parents, grandparents, most aunts and uncles, and a fair smattering of cousins live. So we see her then. Lis's brother will NOT go this far north. Well, he's gone to Chicago a couple times, for family visits, but I don't think he's been there since their grandmother died. Given his druthers, he'd NEVER go north of DC. That's where he went to law school, and it was too cold for him.
When we visit Lis's parents and grandparents in Florida, we usually see him and his sons at least once, and we've never visited my sister (although she's occasionally shown up to see us when we're down to visit Lis's family). So it's probably pretty even, but Leila dropping by when we're visiting Lis's family probably SLIGHTLY pushes it over to seeing her more often than Josh.
No.
Not since Boopsie died. But we're STARTING to get ready to think about getting another cat.
I want kids, Lis doesn't. Secondarily, my depression, which, thank G-d, is no longer actually my depression, but the bad habits I built over thirty two years of having depression, and only three of NOT.
We both went to Brandeis, although she graduated before I got there, and I only was there long enough to meet her, then flunk out, and get totally depressed about flunking out while she was totally depressed about her grandfather's death, so that we ended up being friends.
Nope. I was born in Boston and grew up mainly in Arlington, outside Boston. Lis was born in Chicago, and grew up in Madison, Wisconsin and Dubuque, Iowa. Then she and her family moved to Clearwater, Florida.
In general, she tends to like Madison and Chicago better than Florida.
I'm going to give that one to Lis. Education -- her, definitely. I'm a college dropout; she's got a master's in library and information science. She can find ANY piece of non-classified information there is. And actually analyze what it means.
But I've never even been able to define "smart" to my own satisfaction. Certainly not enough to take two smart people and figure out who's smarter. Dumb, I can recognize and point to. But smart? Not so much. But I'm pretty sure that, whatever the definition of "smart" is, Lis fits it.
I know she's quick-witted, ready with a pun or bon mot, and can be a clever and sparkling conversationalist, with a dizzying wit. You know the sort of thing that, the next day, you wish that you'd thought of that and said? She says those. Except better than the ones that you'd have thought of the next day, and right at that time, with wicked timing.
She's vastly intellectually curious, and gets obsessed with things, and burns through a dozen library books on the subject in a week or two. Then, once she has a decent grasp of the subject, she goes off on another tear. So she has a good basic grasp of dozens, if not HUNDREDS of obscure subjects that she just happened to get interested in.
I'm not stupid. If I were stupid, she'd be bored with me. But I think a lot slower than she does (except when I don't). I think I've got a more methodical mind than hers, but hers is more . . . brilliant. In the sense of "shining" and "sparkling". I can occasionally chew through problems that she bounces off of -- but I'd say that, on average, she's the smartest.
I was the one who cried at Titanic. And I HATED that movie.
No matter how you define "sensitive", it's me. Emotionally unstable? Me (except once a month -- once a month, Lis takes that crown from me). Able to understand other people's emotions? Me. Unable to deal with perfumes and dyes in my soap and laundry detergent? Me.
THAT question is easy.
Probably Ernie's; we probably go there most Saturdays. It's the diner down the street from us. When we were looking to buy a house, we saw this one, the one we now live in, and we liked it, but we wanted to talk it over. We saw a little luncheonette, went in for lunch, and decided that, if the neighborhood could support a neighborhood diner like that one, where the food was good, and everybody knew each other, we'd be happy living here. We were right, too.
We also go to a pho place in Malden, the next town over. I'm not certain, but I strongly suspect that I'm about the only person who orders their Satay Noodle Soup -- but I order it often enough that it's worth having on the menu.
Those are the only two places where they know us by name, always.
Italy, last summer. My grandmother rented a villa in Tuscany, and the whole family went. We did a bit of extra traveling on either end, so I think the actual FURTHEST point from Boston we went was Trieste, where her grandmother was from. It's a neat city -- it was once part of the Austrio-Hungarian empire, so it retains some sense of that Germanic efficiency, but it also has the Italian attitude that too much efficiency shows a soul that is focusing on the wrong things.
The effect is bizarre, but endearing.
Neither, really, but I guess I'd have to give it to me.
NONE of my exes are bad. Most of 'em are on my friendslist, actually, and are reading this. And they're only "crazy" in the good kinds of crazy. But that'd be enough to give it to me by default.
Because Lis never really dated anyone before me. So, even if I don't have any "crazy exes" in the way that that term is used, the fact that I have exes at all gives the point to me.
I'd say that, approximately 29 days out of every 32 or so, I do. The other three days, Lis takes it hands down.
(Last month, I left the house, bought chocolate, and stood at the door to the room she was in, and tossed chocolate at her, because I didn't want to get too close. It worked, too.)
Me; Lis doesn't cook.
She can cook -- she knows how. She lived on her own before I moved in with her. But, a. she doesn't usually enjoy it, b. she wants me to feel useful, c. it's my freakin' kitchen and nobody else can use it, unnerstan'?
Me, by default. I'm actually an introvert. But I'm less of an introvert than she is. She gets peopled out pretty quickly.
Unfortunately, neither of us, enough to DO anything about it. We both like neatness in preference to messiness, and mess gets on our nerves eventually -- but we both hate cleaning.
Mind you, we're talking clutter here. We don't have gross stuff around. I scrub the bathroom and make sure the trash goes out and stuff. But we have piles of books and DVDs and CDs and papers EVERYWHERE. It's hard to see the floor.
About what? Both of us can be stubborn about things that are important to us, but are generally flexible about MOST things.
We take turns. Whoever gets to bed first usually gets a headstart on hogging it, though.
Recently, me, but that's not set in stone, and it changes.
Um. I'm not sure we ever HAD a first date.
Maybe Dan Whassisname's basement for a session of Rich Pacheco's PALLADIUM roleplaying campaign? Does a tabletop gaming session count as a date?
In 1938, all my grandparents were in Boston. In 1938, Lis's ancestors, one was in Texas, and the rest were in Eastern Europe. (Well, Trieste is right on the border of Eastern Europe.)
My grandparents all had, and have, siblings and cousins and things like that. Who lived in the United States. And were alive in 1945. Lis's . . . not so much.
Each of us only has one sibling. So, our immediate families both consisted of Mom, Dad, Son, and Daughter. But you go back a generation, and you find that Lis's family tree was rather severely pruned.
Often enough. I'm looking at the bouquet Lis got me for my birthday right now, as a matter of fact.
Which holidays? Christmas, with my father's parents, who are nominally Christian. Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur, last several years have been at the shul where I teach, because I run children's services. Pesach, could be her parents, could be my parents, and once we had our own seder (I'd like to do that more -- it was fun). Thanksgiving, my mother's parents. Sukkot, at home, in our yard. Purim, my shul.
Lis, of my time. She wants to make sure that she gets the time and attention that she needs from me. Any other job or hobby I take has to take into account that I've got a Lis who needs attention and care, too.
"As Time Goes By". Heck, we even know the Lost Intro.
We're not particularly serious people.
But, lesse. We were acquaintances for maybe two years, then friends for maybe six months, then "friends with benefits but no emotional involvement beyond friendship -- this is just casual, nothing serious" for about twenty minutes or so, and then actually lovers but still THOUGHT we were "friends with benefits but just casual, nothing serious" for a couple weeks, then realized that we'd totally screwed up on the no emotional attachment thing.
I'm 220 pounds. Lis is 120 pounds. And I'm not significantly taller than she is. You don't think that a godlike physique like mine just happens, do you?
(The god in question, of course, is Bacchus, as painted by Rubens http://www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/rubens/bacchus.jpg )
Me.
Lis. My account on our computer doesn't have admin privileges. At my request. So I don't screw things up.
Me. I don't know why.
Answer all questions for you AND your spouse/significant other. (If you've got multiple spouses and/or significant others, y'know, choose one or more, or whatever you want, I guess. Not like these things are set in stone.)
What are your middle names?
Mine is "David", hers is "Anne". With an "e" at the end. Her first name is "Elisabeth" with an "s". (Sorta the inverse of "It's 'Liza' with a 'Z' not 'Lisa' with an 'S' . . .) So, for her bat mitzvah, she got a pen personalized with her name -- with BOTH her first AND middle names misspelled.
How long have you been together?
Since December 21, 1994, I think. So that's, um, fourteen years and change? We were married June 13, 1999 (man, I so hope I'm right about that date, or I'm dead), so that's a bit over nine and a half years.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We met in September of 1992, and I'll tell you all about that some other time. But we never really talked until probably the summer of '94, when we became friends instead of acquaintances.
Who asked who out?
She asked me. Although I assume I'd made it pretty obvious that I was interested in her.
How old are each of you?
I'm 35, as of this past week, she's 38.
Whose siblings do/did you see the most?
Honestly, about the same, although probably slightly tilted toward my side. Her brother and my sister BOTH live in Florida, so it takes actual travel to see them. If you count foster siblings, well, my niece and nephew's mother doesn't count me as a brother, although she counts my mother as her mother, my sister as her sister, and counts Lis and me as her kid's aunt and uncle. She decided that she needed a sister, a mother, and a father, but needed me as a friend and not a brother, but that her kids should have aunts and uncles. So that's what we are. If you counted her as my sibling, then it'd definitely be me, but she's not my sibling -- she's my sibling's sibling, so she doesn't count for this purpose.
My sister visits up here periodically, given that this is where her parents, grandparents, most aunts and uncles, and a fair smattering of cousins live. So we see her then. Lis's brother will NOT go this far north. Well, he's gone to Chicago a couple times, for family visits, but I don't think he's been there since their grandmother died. Given his druthers, he'd NEVER go north of DC. That's where he went to law school, and it was too cold for him.
When we visit Lis's parents and grandparents in Florida, we usually see him and his sons at least once, and we've never visited my sister (although she's occasionally shown up to see us when we're down to visit Lis's family). So it's probably pretty even, but Leila dropping by when we're visiting Lis's family probably SLIGHTLY pushes it over to seeing her more often than Josh.
Do you have any children together?
No.
What about pets?
Not since Boopsie died. But we're STARTING to get ready to think about getting another cat.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I want kids, Lis doesn't. Secondarily, my depression, which, thank G-d, is no longer actually my depression, but the bad habits I built over thirty two years of having depression, and only three of NOT.
Did you go to the same school?
We both went to Brandeis, although she graduated before I got there, and I only was there long enough to meet her, then flunk out, and get totally depressed about flunking out while she was totally depressed about her grandfather's death, so that we ended up being friends.
Are you from the same home town?
Nope. I was born in Boston and grew up mainly in Arlington, outside Boston. Lis was born in Chicago, and grew up in Madison, Wisconsin and Dubuque, Iowa. Then she and her family moved to Clearwater, Florida.
In general, she tends to like Madison and Chicago better than Florida.
Who is the smartest?
I'm going to give that one to Lis. Education -- her, definitely. I'm a college dropout; she's got a master's in library and information science. She can find ANY piece of non-classified information there is. And actually analyze what it means.
But I've never even been able to define "smart" to my own satisfaction. Certainly not enough to take two smart people and figure out who's smarter. Dumb, I can recognize and point to. But smart? Not so much. But I'm pretty sure that, whatever the definition of "smart" is, Lis fits it.
I know she's quick-witted, ready with a pun or bon mot, and can be a clever and sparkling conversationalist, with a dizzying wit. You know the sort of thing that, the next day, you wish that you'd thought of that and said? She says those. Except better than the ones that you'd have thought of the next day, and right at that time, with wicked timing.
She's vastly intellectually curious, and gets obsessed with things, and burns through a dozen library books on the subject in a week or two. Then, once she has a decent grasp of the subject, she goes off on another tear. So she has a good basic grasp of dozens, if not HUNDREDS of obscure subjects that she just happened to get interested in.
I'm not stupid. If I were stupid, she'd be bored with me. But I think a lot slower than she does (except when I don't). I think I've got a more methodical mind than hers, but hers is more . . . brilliant. In the sense of "shining" and "sparkling". I can occasionally chew through problems that she bounces off of -- but I'd say that, on average, she's the smartest.
Who is the most sensitive?
I was the one who cried at Titanic. And I HATED that movie.
No matter how you define "sensitive", it's me. Emotionally unstable? Me (except once a month -- once a month, Lis takes that crown from me). Able to understand other people's emotions? Me. Unable to deal with perfumes and dyes in my soap and laundry detergent? Me.
THAT question is easy.
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Probably Ernie's; we probably go there most Saturdays. It's the diner down the street from us. When we were looking to buy a house, we saw this one, the one we now live in, and we liked it, but we wanted to talk it over. We saw a little luncheonette, went in for lunch, and decided that, if the neighborhood could support a neighborhood diner like that one, where the food was good, and everybody knew each other, we'd be happy living here. We were right, too.
We also go to a pho place in Malden, the next town over. I'm not certain, but I strongly suspect that I'm about the only person who orders their Satay Noodle Soup -- but I order it often enough that it's worth having on the menu.
Those are the only two places where they know us by name, always.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Italy, last summer. My grandmother rented a villa in Tuscany, and the whole family went. We did a bit of extra traveling on either end, so I think the actual FURTHEST point from Boston we went was Trieste, where her grandmother was from. It's a neat city -- it was once part of the Austrio-Hungarian empire, so it retains some sense of that Germanic efficiency, but it also has the Italian attitude that too much efficiency shows a soul that is focusing on the wrong things.
The effect is bizarre, but endearing.
Who has the Craziest ex?
Neither, really, but I guess I'd have to give it to me.
NONE of my exes are bad. Most of 'em are on my friendslist, actually, and are reading this. And they're only "crazy" in the good kinds of crazy. But that'd be enough to give it to me by default.
Because Lis never really dated anyone before me. So, even if I don't have any "crazy exes" in the way that that term is used, the fact that I have exes at all gives the point to me.
Who has the worst temper?
I'd say that, approximately 29 days out of every 32 or so, I do. The other three days, Lis takes it hands down.
(Last month, I left the house, bought chocolate, and stood at the door to the room she was in, and tossed chocolate at her, because I didn't want to get too close. It worked, too.)
Who does the cooking?
Me; Lis doesn't cook.
She can cook -- she knows how. She lived on her own before I moved in with her. But, a. she doesn't usually enjoy it, b. she wants me to feel useful, c. it's my freakin' kitchen and nobody else can use it, unnerstan'?
Who is more social?
Me, by default. I'm actually an introvert. But I'm less of an introvert than she is. She gets peopled out pretty quickly.
Who is the neat-freak?
Unfortunately, neither of us, enough to DO anything about it. We both like neatness in preference to messiness, and mess gets on our nerves eventually -- but we both hate cleaning.
Mind you, we're talking clutter here. We don't have gross stuff around. I scrub the bathroom and make sure the trash goes out and stuff. But we have piles of books and DVDs and CDs and papers EVERYWHERE. It's hard to see the floor.
Who is the more stubborn?
About what? Both of us can be stubborn about things that are important to us, but are generally flexible about MOST things.
Who hogs the bed?
We take turns. Whoever gets to bed first usually gets a headstart on hogging it, though.
Who wakes up earlier?
Recently, me, but that's not set in stone, and it changes.
Where was your first date?
Um. I'm not sure we ever HAD a first date.
Maybe Dan Whassisname's basement for a session of Rich Pacheco's PALLADIUM roleplaying campaign? Does a tabletop gaming session count as a date?
Who has the bigger family?
In 1938, all my grandparents were in Boston. In 1938, Lis's ancestors, one was in Texas, and the rest were in Eastern Europe. (Well, Trieste is right on the border of Eastern Europe.)
My grandparents all had, and have, siblings and cousins and things like that. Who lived in the United States. And were alive in 1945. Lis's . . . not so much.
Each of us only has one sibling. So, our immediate families both consisted of Mom, Dad, Son, and Daughter. But you go back a generation, and you find that Lis's family tree was rather severely pruned.
Do you get flowers often?
Often enough. I'm looking at the bouquet Lis got me for my birthday right now, as a matter of fact.
How do you spend the holidays?
Which holidays? Christmas, with my father's parents, who are nominally Christian. Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur, last several years have been at the shul where I teach, because I run children's services. Pesach, could be her parents, could be my parents, and once we had our own seder (I'd like to do that more -- it was fun). Thanksgiving, my mother's parents. Sukkot, at home, in our yard. Purim, my shul.
Who is more jealous?
Lis, of my time. She wants to make sure that she gets the time and attention that she needs from me. Any other job or hobby I take has to take into account that I've got a Lis who needs attention and care, too.
What is "your song"?
"As Time Goes By". Heck, we even know the Lost Intro.
This day and age we're living in gives cause for apprehension
With speed and new invention and things like fourth dimension.
Yet we get a trifle weary with Mr. Einstein's theory.
So we must get down to earth at times, relax, relieve the tension
And no matter what the progress or what may yet be proved
The simple facts of life are such -- they cannot be removed. . .
You must remember this . . . a kiss is just a kiss . . .
How long did it take to get serious?
We're not particularly serious people.
But, lesse. We were acquaintances for maybe two years, then friends for maybe six months, then "friends with benefits but no emotional involvement beyond friendship -- this is just casual, nothing serious" for about twenty minutes or so, and then actually lovers but still THOUGHT we were "friends with benefits but just casual, nothing serious" for a couple weeks, then realized that we'd totally screwed up on the no emotional attachment thing.
Who eats more?
I'm 220 pounds. Lis is 120 pounds. And I'm not significantly taller than she is. You don't think that a godlike physique like mine just happens, do you?
(The god in question, of course, is Bacchus, as painted by Rubens http://www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/rubens/bacchus.jpg )
Who does/did the laundry?
Me.
Who’s better with the computer?
Lis. My account on our computer doesn't have admin privileges. At my request. So I don't screw things up.
Who drives when you are together?
Me. I don't know why.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-28 07:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-28 01:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-28 02:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-01 09:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-02 04:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-01 09:54 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-16 10:18 pm (UTC)I read several of your survey answers out loud to Richard, because they were poignant/true for us too/well-worded/etc, and we both screamed with laughter at that one.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-16 10:53 pm (UTC)If chocolate doesn't work, raw meat on poles is worth a try. Especially in the form of carpaccio. Or raw fish, as sushi or cerveche.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-16 10:58 pm (UTC)Richard says "Are you married to a polar bear?".
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-16 11:57 pm (UTC)However -- sushi, cerveche, and carpaccio are all generally welcome.