The "Zombies In The Mall" meme.

[xiphias]

So: you are in the mall when the zombies attack.

You get:

1. One weapon
   
2. One song blasting from the speakers
   
3. One famous person to fight beside you
   

What do you choose?

Weapon: Clearly, I need something that will be very effective at wiping out zombies, which requires only minimal skill from me, and which will NOT harm bystanders and things that AREN'T zombies.

I choose . . . SWARMS AND SWARMS OF GENETICALLY- MODIFIED SUPER-BLOWFLY-MAGGOTS!!!! And maybe other decay-eating organisms, too!

See, this weapon will release vast clouds of blowfly maggots that have been engineered to be even more rapacious than normal blowfly maggots. They will eat all dead flesh nearby, while leaving everything else absolutely untouched. While they may be gross, they'll be no more gross than zombies, and they will swarm through the mall and then through the city, engulfing and eating every zombie, reducing them to piles of disconnected bones with no ability to move, while not harming any living thing.

That should pretty much deal with 'em good.

For the song, I dunno. I can't think of a song that would match well with it. Maybe something from the music to Pier Gynt by Edvard Grieg -- "Anitra's Dance", maybe. That'd be good.

For the famous person fighting beside me. . . maybe Superman. If a zombie gets through the swarms of decay-eating critters, he should be able to take care of it. Or maybe Sun Wukong, the Monkey King. Yeah -- Monkey would be able to take on an arbitrarily large number of zombies. Actually, the only problem with having Sun Wukong as your partner would be that he might get bored if the blowfly maggots are working too well.

Comments

[fibro-witch.livejournal.com]

Ok,, I like your weapon. But, would eating the zombies turn the maggots into zombie maggots? Would you need to kill the maggots next?

So I would want super flame weapons
The Iron Man song
and
Iron Man (the Robert Downey Jr version) cause even if we can't take out all the zombies, we can have fun going down.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Um. The zombie maggot thing, I hadn't considered. Yeah, that'd be a good thing to check out FIRST.

[oneironaut.livejournal.com]

ursulav beat you to the maggot thing, following a weighty discussion of the zombified maggot issue in her journal.

The internet is a beautiful place.

I'm not sure what weapon and song I would want -- speaking practically, maybe a poleaxe of some kind, for range and because they don't run out of ammo; and I can't stop thinking of Raspberry Beret, because inappropriate music is funny, but that would probably begin to get on my nerves after a while -- but I'd want Stephen Fry with me. Not because he'd be useful vs. zombies per se, probably quite the opposite, but because I can't conceive of anything more nerdily satisfying than killing zombies with Stephen Fry, and if I must die I would at least die a complete man.

[dillonpuff.livejournal.com]

I started reading and I saw way too many Furry icons to be healthy.

[oneironaut.livejournal.com]

A lot of Ursula's readership is furry because a lot of her art is. She seems to have kind of made it up as she went along for a while and then been very surprised when she finally intersected with furry culture proper (some ten years ago). I find furry culture basically terrifying, but it does generate some good art and Ursula's considerable funny, so I have reconciled myself to its existence.

[smacaski.livejournal.com]

1. Monk's spade. Yes, I've read The Zombie Survival Guide, and yes, I enjoyed it far too much.
2. Not sure--possibly "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC. Or, since we're in a mall, "Rhinestone Cowboy" (yes, this used to play in the mall I worked in as a teenager).
3. Ash, duh. He comes with a BOOM STICK!

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

If you're going with the Monk's Spade, then why not pick up the Sand Monk, one of Sun Wukung's sidekicks, as your buddy, instead?

He's a mystical hero, one who often fights gods and demons, and HIS weapon is a monk's spade.

[smacaski.livejournal.com]

But I like Ash. And this way, if I get bored of the spade and want to blast zombies instead of just decapitating them, we could switch. All kinds of fun!

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

I really like your answers. Especially the maggots, as long as, as mentioned above, they don't become Zombie Maggots.

Although for the person I want with me I picked River Tam. After all, she's trained for this.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's a good choice, too.

I think the trick is to stick with superheroes. Buffy'd work, as well.

[dillonpuff.livejournal.com]

well, if that's the case then wouldn't everybody just pick superman and be done with it? I tried to keep it as realistic as can be ... considering there are zombies.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Hey, like I said -- my first choice was Superman, until I realized that Sun Wukung would be a better one.

[ashnistrike.livejournal.com]

Weapon: Phaser. The kind that disintegrates things, and preferably has a wide-scatter setting.
Companion: Sue Storm, to set up an impenetrable shield, with a small hole in it to shoot through.
Music: Probably "Veteran of the Psychic Wars."

This is not the most exciting way of dealing with zombies, but it seems like the safest.

[theclamsman.livejournal.com]

1. A Swiss SIG SG 551, the type special forces use. Aim for the heads.
2. "Ave Maria"
3. Hillary Clinton. She would kick some MAJOR zombie ass.

[dillonpuff.livejournal.com]

1. Depends. If I had a source of ammo, p90. If not - daishō (Katana + Wakazashi) Sharp, light, strong. Lots of zombie-killin to be had.

2. Any old Terrorcore song would do just fine.

3. Billy Zane.

[querldox.livejournal.com]

You males who are picking Superman aren't thinking it through.

Supergirl, preferably one who has, whether naturally or surgically in Kandor, lost her virginity so one doesn't have to deal with an invulnerable hyman. And from the Silver Age, where it was confirmed that Terrans and Kryptonians were genetically compatible for children. Someone's going to have to repopulate the planet after all (although if the zombies are due to magic, there's going to be the problem of Kryptonian powered zombies after a while).

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

So long as my swarms of super-maggots are immune to zombification, repopulating the planet won't be a problem. Zombies all around the world will just be outmatched.