The creative process of Purim

[xiphias]

"I don't want to be Senator Obama any more. I want to be a guard."

"I don't know if the shpeil is even going to HAVE any guards."

***

"Vashti should be a transvestite."

"What?"

"A transvestite. That way, she won't want to dance naked for the king because he doesn't want everyone to find out that he's a man."

"Um, okay. Well, let's see. We've thrown out the idea of Vashti in a burqua, so we've got Vashti as a transvestite, as an actress whose agent won't let her perform nude, and as really fat. Eli''s playing Vashti, so he gets to decide. What do you think, Eli?"

"I don't want to play a man. I like the actress idea best."

"Okay. Eli, you're Vashti, Kalilah, you're Achasverosh -- we need an agent. Who wants to be Vashti's agent? Okay, Jake, Charlie, Max -- give me the line, 'My client does not do nude scenes."

"MY client does not do NUDE scenes."

"My CLIENT does not do NUDE scenes."

"MY client does NOT do nude scenes."

(Everyone else in the room claps.) "Max." "Yeah, Max got it."

"Okay, Max, you're the agent. Max, Kalilah, Eli, go into the other room with Penina, and write your scene.

***

"I want to play a guard."

***

"I don't think my Indian accent for Esther is working. I mean, it sounds good, but I think it's too stereotypical. What other accent can I try?"

"Um . . . how about Long Island?"

"Yeah -- but I'm not very good at that one. Who's good at a Long Island accent?"

"Ella's mom can do a good one."

"Hey, Ella's mom! Can you say something in a Long Island accent?"

"Okay. . . Oy'd loyke a baygel, with cream chease, and a coup of cawfee."

"Oy'd loyke a baygel, with cream chease, and a coup of cawfee. It's loyke buttah. Oy haf ta soyve tha Jews. Okay, I think I've got it."

***

"What if Haman is a transvestite?"

***

"Oh, fine. So Ruthie is Esther and Jules is Mordechai, AGAIN?"

"NO! JULES is Esther, and RUTHIE is Mordechai."

***

"How about if Haman is lactose intolerant, and the Jews throw him a big cheese party, and that's why he wants to kill him?"

"That's not bad -- but what if it's just ONE Jew who gives him ONE ice cream cone, in order to make it even MORE over-the-top?"

"YEAH!"

"Okay, cool. Well, you're Haman, who wants to be the Jew who wants to give him an ice cream cone?"

"I want to be a guard."

"Okay, but could you also be the Jew who gives him an ice cream cone?"

"Yeah, cool!"

"All right, then -- you two go over there, and write your scene."

***

"Can we have Senator Clinton be a transvestite? Because then . . . "

"NO!"

***

"A BAYGEL, and a COUP of CAWFEE. Oi've GOTTA SOIVE tha JEWS."

***

"Can I play all three judges on American Idol? At the same time?"

***

"Can Mordechai be a transvestite?"

"NO! Anyway, that would get too Victor/Victoria, since Mordechai is being played by Ruthie, anyway."

***

"Max wants to be a guard, too."

"Max is playing the agent."

"No, the OTHER Max."

"The other Max is absent today."

"Yeah, he told me yesterday that he wanted to play a guard."

"But we don't HAVE any guards in the play."

***

"I just realized a problem with the play."

"What?"

"We don't have ANY scenes with Mordechai OR Esther in them."

"Um, yeah. That's a problem."

"No, wait -- that could be cool! Have a Purim play without either of the main good guys!"

"Yeah, I can see that, but Ruthie and Jules are so excited about playing them."

***

"I wanna play a guard."

"Can the GUARD be a transvestite?"

Comments

[jehanna.livejournal.com]

It's sounding a lot like the rehearsals for Pyramus and Thisby....

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Yes, there were moments where Jules was reminding me of Bottom. . . "Let me play the lion, too!"

(He's playing Esther, and all three judges on American Idol. Note that it would be expected that Esther would be a contestant in that, too. We're not doing that, but still . . . )

[gingicat]

*rolls around giggling*

Thank you, I really needed that.

[rebmommy.livejournal.com]

You made it up... you made it all up! They just couldn't really be this funny. How old are your students, anyway?

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

This is several of the classes working together, actually. Fourth through sixth grades, verging on seventh.

[ron_newman]

Is this for TBB?

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Ayup. If you come for Purim, you'll probably see the result.

HEARING the result is more difficult -- I suggest sitting up front . . .

[cheshyre]

Why not come to the Purim schpeil and see for yourself...

[ailbhe]

This is fabulous beyond compare. I want to BE there. I WANT to be there. I want to be THERE. Did I get the part?

[rubynye.livejournal.com]

*sobs with laughter*

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

Oy. :-)

[ashnistrike.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I needed that. (I realize someone above said the same thing, but it's true. Apparently bad days that can be ameliorated by silly stuff are going around.)

[tapuz.livejournal.com]

priceless!

I hope the finished product is as funny!

and drat, I was already double-booked for shpiel!

[badgerthorazine.livejournal.com]

*ROTFLs*

Consider me a clueless pagan who Wants to Be There. ;-)

[dancing-kiralee.livejournal.com]

I second (or third) ashnistrike. Thank you.

Kiralee

[bikergeek.livejournal.com]

*snork* Glad I wasn't drinking anything just now.

[temima.livejournal.com]

I LOLZ. Then I thought of a transvestite Senator Clinton, and LOLZed again.