On having an average face

[xiphias]

So, at Arisia, I saw a bunch of people who didn't recognize me. I waved at them, and they looked kind of blankly at me.

I'm not offended or anything: it's a result of the face that I have.

I have an average, normal face. And I like it.

My face shape is a pretty standard slightly-squared-off oval, the kind that you'd draw if you were drawing a (male) face, but not of anyone in particular. My nose has no notable characteristics about it. It sticks out about as far as average, is about as large as you'd expect a nose to be. I have the expected number of eyes -- two -- of standard size and shape, set about as far apart as is common. My eyebrows are eyebrow-shaped, my mouth is mouth-shaped, my chin is chin-shaped.

I have the haircut that my barber gives when you order a "Men's Regular". Along with a neatly-trimmed full beard of exactly the length and style that my barber trims it to when you buy the "Haircut and Beard Trim" combo. And my barber is a good, skilled, traditional barber from a traditional barber shop, whose "Men's Regular" and "Beard Trim" are exactly as neat and tidy as a good, skilled barber would traditionally make them.

I have male-pattern baldness that is following the male pattern. My eyeglasses are what you'd think of if you thought of the word "eyeglasses" without any adjectives.

I am short, so I'm hard to see in crowds, but that is mainly because of my shorter-than-average legs -- my torso is normal length, so, if you look at me, I don't look short. I'm fat, but not unusually so -- just enough that people's hind-brain sees me as "not any sort of particular threat, or target".

I like this about me. It's not without its downsides, but, on the whole, I like it.

If you know me well, you recognize me. But anyone else?

If you've met me a couple times, you'll have a hard time putting me in context -- my face doesn't have any specific trait that you can use as a handle to "index" it in your brain, but you'll feel that I'm familiar. If you've only met me once, you'll have a vague feeling that I'm familiar, but not know why.

And if you've never seen me before in your life, you'll STILL feel that I'm someone you vaguely know somehow.

And that makes me more approachable than most people. I feel familiar, friendly, even to complete strangers.

That's worth it to me.

Comments

[felis-sidus.livejournal.com]

Not that I'm making any suggestions, but with an "average" face and body type, you could be pretty much invisible should it suit your needs.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I do that sometimes, yes. I've practiced that, and I've also practiced being noticable. It's fun to go from one to the other.

[ceo]

Interesting. To me, you look fairly distinctive; I've never had any trouble recognizing you. While all of the observations you make above about your appearance are true, for me there's some sum-of-the-parts thing about it that sticks in my mind.

And I'm one who historically has had problems recognizing people, though it's more common if I run into them outside their usual context.

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

I would agree that many of your physical characteristics allow you to blend in easily. That said, I think that you missed two important ones that always seem to make you stand out (at least for me); Your eyes and your smile. Your eyes are quite distinctive and memorable. And your smile is very uniquely you and would still be you no matter how much the rest of your face changed around it.

Just one person's view who's known you on and off for a while.

My datapoint.

[rmjwell.livejournal.com]

I've met you in person twice: once at Arisia in 95(?) and the other time at APC in Boston a few years ago. what threw me off on the second meeting is that I hade you filed under "hair, curly" and "bodytype, slender to medium". At APC, your hair was cut to the skull and your body type regtistered as "medium".

Your face was neither and nor a hindrance to memory.

[michele-blue.livejournal.com]

Boy, do I get this. When applied to myself, I call it "default face." A ton of strangers over the years have approached me thinking I'm someone they know peripherally - a friend's roommate, an ex's sister, an old college buddy on the fringes of their own circle. Friends see something unique in me, but strangers project their own experiences onto my face. It's a fascinating conversation starter. :)

[greenlily.livejournal.com]

Interesting. I never actually thought about whether your appearance stands out in my awareness or not. What stands out is your body language. If I saw you walking down the street silhouetted against a bright light (so that I couldn't see your face or your haircut or any of it) I'd know it was you. And if I hugged you in a room too dark to see, I'd definitely know it was you. Nobody else hugs like that. :)

[navrins]

Just what I was thinking, minus the hug part. I identify people much more by body language/movement style, and by voice than by still visuals. So I might easily miss you in a photograph, or if you were on stage playing a character with a different movement style than yours (or that of the peer I last saw you playing) but I don't expect I'd have any problem recognizing you if I ran into you being yourself somewhere.

[temima.livejournal.com]

my face doesn't have any specific trait that you can use as a handle to "index" it in your brain

Not really. I knew you as 'one of the few guys I knew who did not have long hair', 'husband of short-haired librarian/blogger', and then later 'the man with the very wide-set, very blue eyes that somehow remind me of a whale, in a good way.'

I am not sure how 'face-blind' I am, but I do seize on specific-as-possible traits as fast as I can.

I am kinda curious and kinda afraid of what physical markers people have me under.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

I seem to have the opposite thing going. Apparently my face is not a common one, so people do tend to remember me (or maybe the fact that more people remember me than the converse is just a comment on my admittedly-terrible face memory?) but apparently when I do look like someone I look a *lot* like them. At least it's happened a few times that people have insisted I must be someone they'd met, even when I was never anywhere near that place.

Come to think of it, it hasn't happened recently. But I think women often do become less noticeable as we age. People still remember me, but now it's more often only if we've talked.

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

Odd; I tend to think you look rather distinctive.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

That's because our faces are rather similar, so I look like you.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

You have a lovely smile.

Once, when Z was about eight, we were in a theatre, and in the crowd of people milling around was a guy, slightly plump, slightly longer than normal hair, short beard, geeky t-shirt, and Z said "He looks like someone we know!" "Who?" I asked. "Not anyone in particular, just as if he should be someone we know."

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Oh my god. A good half of the people in the coffee shops and diners in my neighborhood look like someone I should know in that exact same way. I always look at them and think, "I don't know you...but I could if I wanted to."

[copperpoint.livejournal.com]

A few years ago I saw your wife at Arisia and she had no idea who I was until I explained it. The fact that I called her "Ian's Wife" may not have helped things. Also I was drunk.

[sproutntad.livejournal.com]

It must have something to do with our genetics because I have three twins that I have been close to. First one is Jo. Most times that Jo and I are out people think we are the same person or twins. Sometimes we get identical twins even tho she is 4 inches taller than me, she has straight hair, I have wavy, I wear glasses and she does not. I also have a "twin" at work. Almost every day that we work together we get asked if we are sisters. One time I went up to say hello to a customer and she did a double take and looked shocked. Apparently my "twin" had JUST talked to her and walked off in the opposite direction from where I approached. She couldn't figure out how I did that. It's so bad at work that I always have to wear my hair in a ponytail or bun and always wear my glasses and my "twin" always has to wear her hair down with a headband or in low pigtails and not wear glasses, otherwise our staff can't tell us apart (this includes our boss who we have both known for over two years). I also had a friend get mad at me one time at college because apparently early that day she had walked up to me, asked me about a class assignment and I had looked at her like she had two heads and I walked away without saying anything. -- too bad I was in another class at the time. I also had a "twin" in high school. She lived down the street from us and was a year or two younger than us. It got so bad that we were able to trade clothes in the middle of the day and confuse everyone. There are pics in my high school yearbook that I can't tell whichone is which of us, except for the fact that I remember what I was wearing that day. Pictures or voice recording of Jo and I -- definetly can't tell those apart either.

So, you may have an average face, but how many "twins" do you have??? It's gotta do with our parents.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

This reminds me of what happened when you shaved off your beard, long long ago. cheshyre and I were sitting together, and one of us said to the other, "hey, look at that cute guy!" "hey, he's coming over here!" "I wonder if he's coming to our event?" and then, FINALLY, "OMG, that's xiphias!"