The best thing ever written on the label of a food product

[xiphias]

Have I ever mentioned my favorite food label? It's on the store brand evaporated milk of the local supermarket chain, Stop&Shop.

On the side of the can is written:

Add one part
of water to one part
of the milk in this can
to result in a milk product
which is not below
the legal standard
for whole milk

I LOVE that. I'm trying to imagine the person who wrote that. And I think that I would really get along with that person.

Comments

[matociquala.livejournal.com]

That's one of my favorite labels, too.

[navrins]

And in the truth-in-advertising (or, Meat) department, is the package of meat labelled, "CUT UP GOAT."

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Actually, my favorite along those lines was a package we saw in the meat department of a supermarket, which contained I-know-not-what cut up parts of I-know-not-what animal. All I know is that it looked a bit, um, squamous, rugose, non-Euclidean, gibbous, and other Lovcraftean adjectives.

We looked at it. The package was labeled "MEAT". It had a list of ingredients. It said, "MEAT".

We put the package down, and backed away slowly.

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

Our local Indian restaurants often have dishes advertised only as "meat", which is invariably lamb. I assume this is something to do with the large Muslim and Hindu populations in their cultures of origin (ruling out pork and beef; poultry doesn't seem to be counted as "meat" and is always labelled as chicken, duck or whatever.)

[warren8472.livejournal.com]

a milk product
which is not below
the legal standard
for whole milk

What an odd way to say "our milk just meets the minimum legal standard for whole milk." Is that supposed to be reassuring?

[ron_newman]

Whether it meets the standard depends entirely on how much you dilute it, which is the point of this label.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

That's precisely why I love it. Whoever wrote it didn't want to oversell it. It's like it was written by an engineer who wanted to get the actual point across without being all "advertise-y" or anything. He or she wanted to actually communicate REALITY.

"Look, it's NOT going to be whole milk if you do this, but it WILL be drinkable, and it'll be fairly CLOSE to whole milk. Maybe you'll even like it, if you don't expect it to REALLY be whole milk."

As it turns out, of course I've done this, mixed it half-and-half with water. I mean, how could you NOT, to see what something that was not below the legal minimum of whole milk was like?

It's not bad. I mean, it tastes cooked, which makes sense, since they evaporated it. But it works for things you'd cook anyway, like hot chocolate, pudding, porridge, baking, things like that.

I've put it on my cereal, and it's fine. It is not below the legal minimum standard for whole milk. It's just not very much LIKE whole milk.

It is a beverage almost, but not entirely, unlike whole milk.

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

It's almost Engrish.

[rarkrarkrark.livejournal.com]

It's on all evaporated milk, and I suspect it's required (by the USDA? Or the FDA? not positive which) There actually are standards (i think that's the USDA's job) for what values a cow-produced fluid must have in terms of protein and fat in order to be called whole milk.

I'm rather fond of evaporated milk, but I'm a bit bizzare that way. I think it makes better cocoa than regular. (my preference is a mixture of nonfat dry milk, sugar and cocoa powder [not swiss miss, but what one finds with the baking stuff. right now ours is the stop and shop brand :P ] and a touch of vanilla extract and a pinch of salt, mixed with warm water to melt and then splashed gently with undiluted eveporated milk. best cocoa ever unless you have the money for ghiradellis and cream)

and I like the phrasing too.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

I really like that. It's simple, yet extremely precise.

[dancing-kiralee.livejournal.com]

Very precise.

That you say you "think you would really get along with that person" implies that you admire and try to practice precise communication.

Is that true?

Kiraee