A negative comment about a party at Arisia

[xiphias]

Far as I'm concerned, you can EITHER have an invite-only party OR you can advertise your party.

But it's FUCKING RUDE to advertise your invite-only party.

Don't mind invite-only parties. Don't even mind invite-only parties who, apparently, were going around handing out invites only to women who were dressed slutty. Heck, if someone took that to the extreme, and walked around the con handing out slips of paper which said, "You're sexy. Come to my room at 11 pm," that wouldn't bother me. And if he or she got people to show up, more power to him or her.

DO mind people who do that and also put posters up in the stairwells advertising their party. It's fucking RUDE to do that, then set up a velvet rope outside, and do the "club" thing. Dunno about you, but I go to cons to get away from that kind of dynamic.

Yes, I'm pissed off at not being pretty enough to get into that party.

Comments

Re: One of the Party Hosts

[undauntra.livejournal.com]

Would it still be a concern if the dress code were clearly stated on the posters?

Re: One of the Party Hosts

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

The more I think about it, I think, yeah, that would have helped.

Re: One of the Party Hosts

[(Anonymous)]

But we can't do that because a) it's technically a closed party and b) then if someone meets the dress code we have to tell them explicitly that they creep us out/smell/were stalking the DJ and she asked us not to let you in (actually we told that guy :) ). Leaving it a little nebulous gives us that wiggle room of saying it's because you don't have an invitation.

Re: One of the Party Hosts

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

. . . which means that my wife and I were either turned away because we weren't in costume, or because we're skeevy.

. . . and there's no way to tell. Hmm. Oh, well, there goes MY self-esteem. . .

Yes, I'm being humorous.

Kinda.

Re: One of the Party Hosts

[(Anonymous)]

That hot blonde (my sister) remembers you & says it was your lack of costumes. :) Couples aren't skeevy, it's the single guys in jeans and t-shirts that forgot to shower that we're trying to filter. We want everyone inside to bring something to the party.

We also want the ladies (often in skimpy outfits) to feel comfortable, and not (overtly) leered at, and the guys too. I personally especially love when guys are too warm in their leather pants and go back to their rooms to come back in less. :)

[swashbucklr]

I recall last year, when I was working as Arisia Security, having to rather forcefully insist that someone leave the nice Skank party people alone. He kept insisting that he met the "dress code" but he was rather offensive both in manner and odor.

I completely respect the desire to keep skeevy people away, and make everyone else comfortable. It's a hard thing to do, even when you have the help of the party czar and con security.

Re: One of the Party Hosts

[redbird]

On a practical level, there's no way to have what's for most purposes an open party (made known to all attendees at a convention, with entrance requirements that anyone who makes a bit of effort can fit), turn people away at the door if you don't like them, and not offend or upset anyone who is turned away. The reason doesn't matter, and the person is likely to guess, whether it's "because you haven't showered recently" or "because you had a messy breakup with one of the hosts recently."

Another aspect of that problem is that the invites you handed out are essentially bearer instruments, and there are a lot of them. zarhooie got three invitations to the 2006 party. Someone else might get two or three, and give one to their friend, after some such conversation as "I'm going to the Skank party, how about you?" "It sounds interesting, but I wasn't invited." "Here, I've got an extra." At that point, your invited group includes "friends of people who were wearing cool costumes."

You might as well do what Alexis and Doll Gilliland did, many Disclaves ago: they announced a party for "BNFs". They ordered many hundred little white-on-green buttons reading "BNF" and made sure that everyone at the con got one (I think that included handing them out at the door of the party).