Another thing that Lis wanted me to blog

[xiphias]

So, Maralyn is this woman I work with.

She's a nice enough person, but she's maybe a little untrained in critical thinking skills. I'm trying to find a nice way to put it, and that's what I came up with.

She's also vaguely interested in Judaism, because her father was Jewish, and she never learned much about Judaism growing up. So she asks me questions sometimes, which I'm more than happy to answer.

"Hey, Ian," she called across the cafeteria at lunch yesterday, "I got a question about Jewish stuff."

"Sure, shoot, whaddya wanna know?"

"It's about sex with a sheep," I thought I heard her say.

"A SHEEP?"

"No, not a SHEEP -- a SHEET. With a hole in it."

"Oh. THAT thing. Yeah. It's not true."

"Whaddya mean it's not true?"

"That whole thing about how Orthodox men and women have sex through a sheet with a hole in it? Yeah, it's total bullshit. No truth to it at all."

"How do you know?"

"Whaddya mean 'how do I know?' I know. It's not true."

"Yeah, but I read it once somewhere."

"I don't care. It's not true."
"But you're not Orthodox, so how would you know for sure?"
"Because a lot of my friends are Orthodox, I hang out with rabbis, my mother's a religious leader, I teach Hebrew School, I study this stuff, and I learned about this one and why it's not true."

"I don't believe you."

"Why not? Why would I possibly lie about this? Look -- my theory is that people saw people doing their laundry, and there's this kind of undershirt thing that Jewish men wear which looks kind of like a poncho, so my theory is that other people saw those talitot katanot hanging up on the clothesline, and thought it looked like a sheet with a hole in it, and made up the story."

"I think you're wrong -- I read it somewhere that it's true. I mean, you knew what I was talking about when I said it, right? You'd heard of it!"

"Yeah, sure -- I'd heard of the fact that there was this lie going around. But I know it's bullshit."

"I think you're making that up."

At this point, of course, everybody else in the entire cafeteria is totally cracking up.

Comments

[tpau]

on snopes.com they refute this, show it to her

[angelovernh.livejournal.com]

why would she ask if she was not going to believe your response? What a pain.

[jhitchin.livejournal.com]

It's amazing what folks will believe. I do remember seeing the sheet bit in the movie "Como agua para chocolate" but 1) it was an embroidered slit in the sheet (enhancing the humor) instead of a hole and 2) the characters were Catholic, not Jewish.

Okay, and 3) it was fictional.

[cheshyre]

I'm of the opinion Ian should hold a poll, here and on weirdjews asking whether people have ever had sex thru a sheet. That way he can prove it isn't just him.
[Possible answers: never, once, more than once, always]

[brooksmoses]

You also need to include the answer "Yes, but only so I could answer 'yes' to this poll".

[red-frog.livejournal.com]

Good point. I'd be tempted to look for the scissors and an old sheet, just on general principle.

Does she demand that only Jews have sex through sheets, Ian, or can lapsed Catholics play, too?

[autographedcat.livejournal.com]

[Possible answers: never, once, more than once, always]

You forgot: "As you wish"

[redbird]

Each of the answers should be in two forms: for example, "yes and I'm not Jewish" and "Yes and I'm Jewish." We can leave details--what if any religions the non-Jews subscribe to, degrees of observance, whether the lights were on, material composition of the sheet--for the comments.

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

You ought to add another question:
Have you ever had sex through a hole in anything else?
__Underpants
__Tight jeans
__Cubicle wall at work
__Other

[redbird]

You're far too kind. I can think of any number of things to say at this point, from "Why did you ask me if you weren't going to believe my answer?" to "So, the place you read this, were they Orthodox?" to "If this is your way of propositioning me, the answer is no."

[querldox.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure why, but somehow I'm finding the desire to come up with a rebuttal to her involving a take on the classic question from Real Genius "Can you hammer a six inch spike through a board with your penis?". Probably something about not needing a hole in the sheet, at least to start. Probably not work safe at all though.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I'm a bartender. As far as we're concerned, if nobody's actually offended, it's worksafe. I mean, we were having a half-yelled conversation about Jewish laws about sex from diagonally across the cafeteria. And I'm considered to be one of the more conservative folks there -- not politically, of course, but morally. And I am.

[jehanna.livejournal.com]

The kitchen I work in is full of social/political conservatives except for me, Chef, and Ted the aging hippie.

It can get rather obnoxious at times, but fortunately Chef is good about telling people to shut up when it goes too far.

[bikergeek.livejournal.com]

Never ceases to amaze me, the crap some people will believe. BTW, this story is told in places that have a large Amish population about that particular group of people as well.

[the-editor.livejournal.com]

there is a real disadvantage to being Jewish, in this case.
If you were a Buddhist, you would be allowed to whack her with a stick.

buddhism is cool.

( or is that just one of those made up legends, too? (damnn!))
I think it's ironic that she is half-jewish and perpetuates this crap... dilligently, at that!

[papersky.livejournal.com]

I think the best answer to this is "YKIOK". I mean I guess she wants to justify her kink by thinking lots of other people have sex through a sheet, that's understandable if wrong -- she probably wants to go home and say to her husband "Look, it's OK, really, Orthodox Jews do it, and my father was Jewish, it's normal, honey, and anyway, you seemed to like it last time..."

Not my kink, but I try to be tolerant...

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I can't remember precisely how I phrased it, but that is what I ended up saying.

[estherchaya.livejournal.com]

speaking as a married Orthodox woman...

It's very rare that I'll discuss my sex life publicly for any reason...but I can absolutely assure you that I have never had sex through a hole in a sheet.

[psu-jedi.livejournal.com]

Yes you have. You're just too oppressed to know any better.

;-)

[cellio]

Why did she ask if she wasn't interested in the answer?

not surprising

[merkcomet.livejournal.com]

Wow, you know, the one thing I think of most when I think of Maralyn, is when we were at the Employee dinner night thing, and her daughter began slurred bitching about how "the bartender had no fucking right to cut me off", and "Who the hell does he think he is?", and Maralyn had to walk her out of the building, while she was drunkenly, histerically sobbing. I'd feel sorry, but I don't think she even remembers. That memory keeps popping up every time I see her. yeeeesh.

[mitchellf.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, there are two places which I can think of where she may have encountered this stupidity:

1) The horribly bad movie, "A Stranger Among Us" in which the chasidic rabbi is asked, point blank, if Orthodox Jews have sex through a sheet. His response is "absolutely not," however, most people seem to miss that part of the question.

2) A book written by--of all people--an *Orthodox* Balat T'shuva, where she discusses the "beauties of sex through a hole in the sheet" with her chasidic husband. I wish I could remember the name of the book, but I do remember seeing it (and being horrifically appalled) in Harvard Hillel's library/Beit Midrash (it had a white cover).

If it helps, I can refer your co-worker to several halachic texts on women, women's issues, marriage and sex, which I used in Israel while at Midreshet Lindenbaum, for a class on "Women and Halacha." Oh, and my sister has stories about the class she had to take before she got married to learn all about sex, mikva, and hilchot nida.

Jews don't let other Jews perpetuate the hidiously wrong myth of having sex through a hole in a sheet.

Sex through a hole in the sheet

[(Anonymous)]

This subject really started to freak me out until I found out the truth on holeinthesheet.org (http://www.holeinthesheet.org) -- in the FAQ section they explain the rumor and the truth about Jewish sex.