Random things.

[xiphias]

Can anyone imagine an actor who would make a WORSE John Constantine than Keanu Reeves? No, I'm not kidding -- they're making a Hellblazer movie with Keanu as Constantine.

Lis suggested the Olsen Twins, but they would have the hair right. I suggested Gary Coleman, but then Lis said, "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Satan?" which we decided was more in character for Constantine than Keanu will be.

I mean, I've really been wracking my brain for a worse actor than the one they've chosen. I've considered, and rejected as probably better than Keanu, Ashton Kushner, Vin Diesel, Judi Dench, Vincent Schiavelli, Paris Hilton, Ron Jeremy, and Morris the Cat.

Since I've been trying to teach myself contact juggling, I looked up the James Ernest Contact Juggling book. It's available from Cheapass Games for $15. But abebooks.com lists several used copies. With prices starting as low as $18 plus shipping.

And going up to -- I kid you not -- $500.

$500. For a book that is still available for $15.

I made bread today. It was okay. I used the bread machine. I need more practice. It was a basic white loaf, the kind that goes stale after 24 hours, so I made croutons out of what was left this evening, and made caesar's salad. It wasn't my best ever: I didn't dry the Romaine well enough after washing, so the dressing got diluted and didn't stick to the leaves worth a darn.

On that family vacation where we went to San Francisco for Iran's wedding, at one point, we were all in the car, and I was explaining to my sister the whole question about which the funniest animal in the world was -- the duck or the platypus. She said that it HAD to be the platypus, because it has venomous barbs in its feet, and venom that can kill or paralyze an adult human is just plain comedy gold all by itself. Then she told us the following joke: "A duck walks into a pharmacist. No, wait, I told it wrong."

So I said that we had to do a head-to-head duck-vs-platypus comedy test.

Ian: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
Leila: Why?
Ian: To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet?
Leila: Why?
Ian: To stamp out burning ducks. Okay, now let's try the platypus and compare the comedy. Why do platypods have webbed feet?
Leila: Why?
Ian: To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet?
Leila: To stamp out burning ducks.

Comments

platypus

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

the thing about the platypus is that when the first specimen was killed and stuffed and sent off to the Royal Society in England to be catalogued, the gentlemen Natural Philosphers there were convinced that it was a hoax. it must be fake! i mean, who's ever heard of a duck billed mammal with a pouch. ridiculous!

it wasn't until they got a few more specimens in that they believed it.

totally wacky. wins over the mundane duck any day of the week.

now, comparing platypi with ... i dunno... penguins, or star-nosed moles, well, that's another thing altogether.

i don't know why moles make me giggle.

n.

[burgundy.livejournal.com]

There's a half-serious theory that words with 'k' sounds are inherently funny. So while the body of the platypus may well be funnier than that of a duck (and I submit that it is), the word duck is funnier than the word platypus. So if the joke is purely verbal, that might tip the scales.

[ailbhe]

Duckies!

"Rubber platypus, I love you" doesn't really work, now, does it?

[hobbitblue.livejournal.com]

I think duck works better because then you don't risk the mental pause while people think "platypus.. oh yeah, the duck-billed thing, do they have webbed feet too? Cool, didn't realise that" in the middle of the joke.

[elgoose.livejournal.com]

It is possible that Halle Berry would make a worse John Constantine than Keanu Reeves. But it would only be by a vanishingly small amount.

[steelwngs.livejournal.com]

http://www.comicscontinuum.com/stories/0405/24/vertigopanel.htm

Expect to see several projects to tie in with the release of the upcoming Constantine movie, editor Will Dennis said Sunday at the Vertigo panel at Wizard World Philadelphia.

"With the Constantine movie, there will be a lot of Hellblazer things that will turn a lot of people's heads," Dennis said.

Dennis said he couldn't currently elaborate, but one of the items will very likely be an adaptation of the film.

Constantine, starring Keanu Reeves, is targeted to open in theaters on Feb. 11.

The casting of Reeves and the Americanization of Constantine have created controversy around the film, but the Vertigo editors at the panel said the movie can be successful.

"He's read all the comics, he's read all the stuff out there," Dennis said of Reeves. "He's taking it very seriously. He's done good work in certain parts, so it'll be interesting to see.

"People will be surprised at how much they have captured of the comic. Hopefully people will go in with open minds. And, really, it's exiciting to see a Vertigo movie."

Added editor Jonthan Vankin: "Having read the script, they've made an attempt to capture the comic and bring some new elements for the movie


I still think that they should have had James Marsters from Buffy play Constantine.

[cheshyre]

I still think that they should have had James Marsters from Buffy play Constantine.
You do know that Marsters is also American -- the entire accent is an act.

BTW, part of what sparked this post; the trailer is online at www.constantinemovie.com

[steelwngs.livejournal.com]

Yea, I know that Marsters is an American actor. It's just that the origional concept of Constantine the comic was based on the musician Sting.
I can honestly see Marsters playing it better then *gack* Reeves.

[psu-jedi.livejournal.com]

And let's not even get into the fact that Marsters is a much better actor!

[greenlily.livejournal.com]

He is indeed a better actor. To play Spike, he not only adopts an accent, but changes the pitch of his voice--I've seen him on interview shows and when he's speaking in his own accent, his voice is higher.

[psu-jedi.livejournal.com]

I've seen him at a con, and he's so not the same guy! After seeing him in person, I had much more respect for his acting ability (oh, and he's hot. Let's not forget that! ;-)

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

"He's done good work in certain parts,"
and
they've made an attempt to capture the comic and bring some new elements for the movie

That's the highest praise they can bring themselves to offer? The last time I heard an original creator giving this kind of anemic praise to a movie adaptation of their work, it was Dune. Not the Sci-Fi Channel miniseries, either.

[hangedwoman.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I've been living with the Keanu horror for months now. It makes me ill, it really does. Even James Marsden playing Jesse in the "Preacher" movie doesn't come close to the evil of this movie. It just gets worse when you look at some of the co-stars, and don't even get me started on the writers.

[copperpoint.livejournal.com]

I'd say Mr. T would make an awful John Constantine, but the more I think about it the more I think they could make it work.

Also, 500 for a book you can buy for 15 sounds like a healthy profit margin. I mean, buy 10 and even if you only sell one you've made a ton of money.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

"Ah pity th' foo' who don' be careful wit' da pentagram-drawin'."

Ok. I'm clueless. I admit it. Captain Obvious has left the building.

[beardedone.livejournal.com]

Who or what is Hellblazer?
Who is John Constantine?

Re: Ok. I'm clueless. I admit it. Captain Obvious has left the building.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Hellblazer is a comic book, published by DC under their Vertigo imprint, which follows the adventures of John Constantine.

John Constantine is this guy. He's blond, and British. And he wears a rumpled, disreputable-looking trenchcoat, and chain-smokes. He's irreverent and has no proper respect for anything. And he's a mage. Deals with demons, devils, ghosts, stuff like that, a lot.

How powerful is he? Well. . . he's maybe not all that ACTUALLY powerful, but he has a tendency to do clever things that make things work out for him. Like selling his soul, independently, to all three Princes of Hell. Which meant that, if he died, there would be a huge power struggle in Hell over his soul, which none of the Princes of Hell could afford, so Hell was unwilling to let him die. . .

Pretty much everybody who Constantine cares about is doomed to die a mysterious and horrible occult death. He's an interesting character, and very little like Keanu Reeves.