. . . .

[xiphias]

So, I had this birthday party tonight. Lis threw it for me, and rather surprised me with stuff. And it was good.

But that's not what I need to post about.

Cherie and Everett were there -- the rabbi I grew up with, and her husband, the Bible scholar. Mom and Dad and they were talking about various people, and I was overhearing some. . .

I heard, ". . . died last week. . . ", "Jacob", and "Stephanie put the funeral together." And a few things like that.

And I started to get worried.

Phil Ritari died last week. Stephanie Loo is his ex-wife. They had a son, Jacob, who's got mild Asperger's, and the story I tell about the three-year-old who recognized what "Xiphias" meant, that's the son. So, the son is probably fifteen, sixteen now.

I actually don't know if I ever MET Phil. But this hit me real hard.

He's dadlion. We're on each other's friends lists. He friended me because he liked a post I made on weirdjews, I friended him back, looked up his website, saw a piece of art that was on it, realized I RECOGNIZED the art, and figured out who he was, and introduced myself.

This really hit me hard.

I mean, I think my parents were very mildly weirded out when he came out as gay and divorced Stephanie -- very amicably, they were always still friends and reasonably close -- there's not necessarily a lot of hostility in divorcing someone because you realize that you're actually not interested in people of that sex. It's not that they are at all weirded by gays in general, but they're not 100% comfortable with leathermen bears.

I dunno. I didn't REALLY know him well. But I considered him a potential friend. And so this hit me hard.

I'll talk about all the neat stuff which Lis did, and how cool the party was, and how much I enjoyed it, because I did. Just. . . a little later.

Comments

[kiya]

May you be comforted.

[sarianna.livejournal.com]

Happy birthday.

What *does* "Xiphias" mean?

My sympathies.

[it's late, I can't go much beyond that at the moment. nightnight.

Re:

[goljerp]

Hint: look at his picture.
(Or you could just google...)

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Oh, my. May you find comfort. *hugs* offered.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

*hugs wordlessly*

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. May Phil rest in peace and be remembered well, and may you and all who knew him find comfort in your memories.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

*hug*

I think grief for someone you didn't know well but was on the way to being a friend is one of the very oddest kinds of grief, because you're not overwhelmed with it the way you are for someone you were really close to, so you don't get the catharsis of deep distress, but it's still grief, with grief's patterns.

http://www.bluejo.demon.co.uk/poetry/poems/jenna.htm

[gingicat]

*hugs*

I don't think the rest of us at the party had any idea... I know you didn't want to bring us down, and you needed time to absorb. But comfort is offered.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

That was the party last night, not the one tonight.

[greenlily.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[cellio]

I'm sorry.