When my grandfather died, my mother, rebmommy performed the funeral service. It's, of course, very difficult to do a funeral service for your own father, but Papa wanted her to do so -- he knew it would be difficult for her, but felt that it would be the best thing for the whole family, including Mom (and I think he was right, too.) Papa was an atheist, and not very religious, although he and Nana did host a Seder for the family every Passover, and sent all their children to Hebrew school, so that they could know about their heritage.
Religion wasn't Papa's thing personally , but he was very proud of Mom for her study and her work in becoming a rabbinic pastor. He was proud of all of his children and grandchildren whenever they found a role in life that was fulfilling for us, no matter what that role was.
Anyway, putting the funeral service together for her father posed challenges for Mom, aside from the obvious emotional challenge of being in the dual, and conflicting, roles of officiant and mourner. She looked at the different parts of the funeral service and thought about which parts were appropriate for Papa, and which were not.
She decided that the El maleh rachamim prayer would NOT be appropriate:
"God, full of mercy, who dwells in the heights, provide a sure rest upon the Divine Pressence's wings, within the range of the holy, pure and glorious, whose shining resemble the sky's, to the soul of ---- son of ----, for a charity was given to the memory of his soul. Therefore, the Master of Mercy will protect him forever, from behind the hiding of his wings, and will tie his soul with the rope of life. The Everlasting is his heritage, and he shall rest peacefully upon his lying place, and let us say: Amen."
However, the Jewish community has also developed a non-theistic prayer which is also part of the memorial process:
When we are weary and in need of strength, When we are lost and sick at heart, We remember him. When we have a joy we crave to share When we have decisions that are difficult to make When we have achievements that are based on his We remember him. At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring, We remember him. At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn, We remember him. At the rising of the sun and at its setting, We remember him. As long as we live, he too will live For he is now a part of us, As we remember him.
Mom, my sister, and I actually did a little editing of it, to put in some references to sailing, jazz, stage magic, and dentistry, to make it more personal and accurate.
And, bringing it back to the original point, she thought a bit about Kaddish, too. Because that IS a prayer about G-d. But she decided that the reason we say it is for the MOURNER'S relationship with G-d, not the deceased's. Mom decided that, as SHE believes in G-d, it's appropriate for her to say Kaddish for Papa. El maleh rachamim would not have been appropriate, because it is about Papa's soul and relationship with G-d, and Papa didn't believe in the soul or in G-d.
Hunh. Just realized something. You know that really awful thing that some people say about atheists, that "how could an atheist be a good person if they don't believe in God?" I just realized why I'm so offended by that.
My grandfather was one of the absolutely best people I've ever met, one of the kindest, most decent, most honorable people I've known. He didn't believe in the soul, or in God. Anyone who questions the ability of atheists to be good people is insulting the memory of my grandfather, and insulting the honor of my family.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-30 12:22 pm (UTC)When my grandfather died, my mother,
Religion wasn't Papa's thing personally , but he was very proud of Mom for her study and her work in becoming a rabbinic pastor. He was proud of all of his children and grandchildren whenever they found a role in life that was fulfilling for us, no matter what that role was.
Anyway, putting the funeral service together for her father posed challenges for Mom, aside from the obvious emotional challenge of being in the dual, and conflicting, roles of officiant and mourner. She looked at the different parts of the funeral service and thought about which parts were appropriate for Papa, and which were not.
She decided that the El maleh rachamim prayer would NOT be appropriate:
However, the Jewish community has also developed a non-theistic prayer which is also part of the memorial process:
Mom, my sister, and I actually did a little editing of it, to put in some references to sailing, jazz, stage magic, and dentistry, to make it more personal and accurate.
And, bringing it back to the original point, she thought a bit about Kaddish, too. Because that IS a prayer about G-d. But she decided that the reason we say it is for the MOURNER'S relationship with G-d, not the deceased's. Mom decided that, as SHE believes in G-d, it's appropriate for her to say Kaddish for Papa. El maleh rachamim would not have been appropriate, because it is about Papa's soul and relationship with G-d, and Papa didn't believe in the soul or in G-d.
Hunh. Just realized something. You know that really awful thing that some people say about atheists, that "how could an atheist be a good person if they don't believe in God?" I just realized why I'm so offended by that.
My grandfather was one of the absolutely best people I've ever met, one of the kindest, most decent, most honorable people I've known. He didn't believe in the soul, or in God. Anyone who questions the ability of atheists to be good people is insulting the memory of my grandfather, and insulting the honor of my family.