I'm not sure whether this thought should be applied to you or Xiphias, but I thought I'd share it...
The "be well" part of the quote is the only one that isn't pro-ative. Instead of being about something you do, it's about something that is "done" to you - for example, if you are in pain it's because someone or something (like a disease) is hurting you; you didn't chose to be in pain (well, except in rare kink cases, and that not really what we are talking about). Even if being in pain is the result of a bad decision (say you got a cold because you stayed outside in the rain) that's still an indirect cause.
I think "be well" affects happiness thusly - one is happy if one has done everything one can to "be well" and finds the results acceptable. Of course, if given the opportunity to do more, you will, but what you've accomplished is enough that it doesn't stand in the way of your happiness.
What is and isn't an acceptable level of pain (or safety or need) is different for different people. I, for example, am not happy because I'm not safe; the problem is chronic, and, at the moment, there is nothing I can do about it.
When I talk about this, and ask people for advice they think I should lower my standards - that I should learn to accept and live with the lack of safety in my life. And I admit my standards are not the same as everyone else's; but I think it is the world that should change and not me.
Once upon a time people didn't recognize that rape was traumatic for the victim; now everyone has learned to respect a women's right to say no. My rights weren't violated in a sexual context, so it wasn't rape; but even though it wasn't rape (and therefore isn't currently recognized as wrong by our culture) just like the people who were raped before it was recognized as traumatic, I deserve a world where what happened to me is recognized as wrong, rather than one in which I have to accept the violation of my rights.
What I'm trying to say is that, if you've acheived enough sucess managing your chronic pain and illness that the result doesn't stand in the way fof your happiness, that's great; good for you. However, if someone else hasn't, they shouldn't be "blamed" for making themselves unhappy by failing to accept what they can't (yet) change.
It's just an idea - I hope it makes sense, and that you find it interesting or useful.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-09 12:54 pm (UTC)The "be well" part of the quote is the only one that isn't pro-ative. Instead of being about something you do, it's about something that is "done" to you - for example, if you are in pain it's because someone or something (like a disease) is hurting you; you didn't chose to be in pain (well, except in rare kink cases, and that not really what we are talking about). Even if being in pain is the result of a bad decision (say you got a cold because you stayed outside in the rain) that's still an indirect cause.
I think "be well" affects happiness thusly - one is happy if one has done everything one can to "be well" and finds the results acceptable. Of course, if given the opportunity to do more, you will, but what you've accomplished is enough that it doesn't stand in the way of your happiness.
What is and isn't an acceptable level of pain (or safety or need) is different for different people. I, for example, am not happy because I'm not safe; the problem is chronic, and, at the moment, there is nothing I can do about it.
When I talk about this, and ask people for advice they think I should lower my standards - that I should learn to accept and live with the lack of safety in my life. And I admit my standards are not the same as everyone else's; but I think it is the world that should change and not me.
Once upon a time people didn't recognize that rape was traumatic for the victim; now everyone has learned to respect a women's right to say no. My rights weren't violated in a sexual context, so it wasn't rape; but even though it wasn't rape (and therefore isn't currently recognized as wrong by our culture) just like the people who were raped before it was recognized as traumatic, I deserve a world where what happened to me is recognized as wrong, rather than one in which I have to accept the violation of my rights.
What I'm trying to say is that, if you've acheived enough sucess managing your chronic pain and illness that the result doesn't stand in the way fof your happiness, that's great; good for you. However, if someone else hasn't, they shouldn't be "blamed" for making themselves unhappy by failing to accept what they can't (yet) change.
It's just an idea - I hope it makes sense, and that you find it interesting or useful.
Kiralee