I hate not having information, and not being able to ask you about it and get an answer...
Right now, I don't know if, in the context under discussion, I fall into the category of "your friend." And, I can't ask... or, well, I can ask, but I'm not likely to get an answer (I've asked before, in relation to other contexts, and I didn't get an answer.)
I want to know because if I am your friend in this context, it's my responsibility to tell you what I want - whether I want to opt in or opt out. It's important because I get upset about how people treat me in this context (well, about how people treat each other on in this context generally, but I figure, for other people, if it's consensual I shouldn't put my nose in their business even if I don't agree with what they are doing.) Since I'm not always comfortable with the standard, expected, responses, and since I can get angry about it, it's up to me to let people know what I want... but without an answer to my question, it's hard to know if that's necessary or appropriate.
And that isn't the only question I have. What your describing isn't a single act, but a set of behaviors. It's a pretty good description, but there are some things it doesn't cover (and I wouldn't expect it to.) I can't say, for every potential act, whether or not you think it falls into this behavior set; for some acts, of course, it's obvious; but there are a few acts for which the answer is not obvious.
As I said, I don't expect your description, or any description, to cover every potential act. What is supposed to happen, is that people who think of acts whose position is unclear (are they or aren't they in the behavior set) are supposed to be able to ask questions and get answers from the relevant person.
I can't seem to ask you questions and get answers.
So this is the best response I can come up with under the circumstances.
For those things that are clearly in the behavior set you describe, I'd like , for the present, to opt out. I've put a lot of work into coming up with solutions that work for me, and I'm not interested in having the effectiveness of those solutions judged by you. Generally speaking, I don't want anyone but my closest friends judging those solutions. As the world is vast and complex and unpredictable, it may be that someday you will be one of the people I trust on this; but for the moment, I'd much rather you didn't try to do this for / to me.
However, there are some behaviors which may or may not fall into the behavior set you describe. Some of these are things I want you to do; in fact I'd be upset if a) you considered me your friend, and b) you were offering to do this for your other friends but weren't willing to do it for me.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-30 05:58 pm (UTC)Right now, I don't know if, in the context under discussion, I fall into the category of "your friend." And, I can't ask... or, well, I can ask, but I'm not likely to get an answer (I've asked before, in relation to other contexts, and I didn't get an answer.)
I want to know because if I am your friend in this context, it's my responsibility to tell you what I want - whether I want to opt in or opt out. It's important because I get upset about how people treat me in this context (well, about how people treat each other on in this context generally, but I figure, for other people, if it's consensual I shouldn't put my nose in their business even if I don't agree with what they are doing.) Since I'm not always comfortable with the standard, expected, responses, and since I can get angry about it, it's up to me to let people know what I want... but without an answer to my question, it's hard to know if that's necessary or appropriate.
And that isn't the only question I have. What your describing isn't a single act, but a set of behaviors. It's a pretty good description, but there are some things it doesn't cover (and I wouldn't expect it to.) I can't say, for every potential act, whether or not you think it falls into this behavior set; for some acts, of course, it's obvious; but there are a few acts for which the answer is not obvious.
As I said, I don't expect your description, or any description, to cover every potential act. What is supposed to happen, is that people who think of acts whose position is unclear (are they or aren't they in the behavior set) are supposed to be able to ask questions and get answers from the relevant person.
I can't seem to ask you questions and get answers.
So this is the best response I can come up with under the circumstances.
For those things that are clearly in the behavior set you describe, I'd like , for the present, to opt out. I've put a lot of work into coming up with solutions that work for me, and I'm not interested in having the effectiveness of those solutions judged by you. Generally speaking, I don't want anyone but my closest friends judging those solutions. As the world is vast and complex and unpredictable, it may be that someday you will be one of the people I trust on this; but for the moment, I'd much rather you didn't try to do this for / to me.
However, there are some behaviors which may or may not fall into the behavior set you describe. Some of these are things I want you to do; in fact I'd be upset if a) you considered me your friend, and b) you were offering to do this for your other friends but weren't willing to do it for me.
Kiralee