It IS tricky. It's probably the most complex set of rules in Judaism, and, besides being complex, it's probably ALSO the most difficult to follow -- the desire to gossip is probably stronger than, for instance, the sex drive. It's probably easier to pass up sex with hot twins than it is to have sex with them and then not brag about it later. :)
Silence is not ALWAYS considered better. But it's really complicated. Your third paragraph summarizes many of the truly difficult questions about lashon ha-ra. The short answer is that it's all a balancing act, and that those situations are a judgement call, and not an easy one.
A listner has a responsibility to not listen to lashon ha-ra, in general, but that's not what you're asking. As far as I know, it's not really a sin to not talk about your problems, but talking about one's problems to one's friends is often a good thing to do, just from a mental health point of view -- that's one of the reasons to have friends.
So, in other words -- you've put your finger on several of the difficult questions in lashon ha-ra, and I don't have easy answers to any of them. There are books about lashon ha-ra which attempt to work out these questions, but I've not internalized them, so I can't really answer your questions.
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Date: 2008-01-03 12:09 pm (UTC)Silence is not ALWAYS considered better. But it's really complicated. Your third paragraph summarizes many of the truly difficult questions about lashon ha-ra. The short answer is that it's all a balancing act, and that those situations are a judgement call, and not an easy one.
A listner has a responsibility to not listen to lashon ha-ra, in general, but that's not what you're asking. As far as I know, it's not really a sin to not talk about your problems, but talking about one's problems to one's friends is often a good thing to do, just from a mental health point of view -- that's one of the reasons to have friends.
So, in other words -- you've put your finger on several of the difficult questions in lashon ha-ra, and I don't have easy answers to any of them. There are books about lashon ha-ra which attempt to work out these questions, but I've not internalized them, so I can't really answer your questions.