Being raised for emotional and mental health

[xiphias]

So, I was just thinking about my own emotional and mental health.

Seems to me that one's psychic health (using "psychic" to mean "emotional and mental", not, y'know "ESP-like") is partially genetic and partially from experience -- that is, it's both nature and nurture.

A bunch of my friends are psychically less healthy than they ought to be, because of incompetent parenting, or because of traumatic social experiences growing up. A bunch of my friends have had reasonably-decent childhoods, but are genetically predisposed to poor psychic health.

Now, I'm not THAT great mentally and emotionally -- but I think I'm better than my genetics would indicate. I have my problems, biochemical in nature, but I am more stable and able to form trustworthy friendships than I'd expect, given my biology.

So, that suggests to me that my parents did something right. And I've been trying to think about what lessons I learned from them that have led to me being as sane as I am.

One of the big ones, I think, was that my mother, whenever she yelled at me or punished me for doing something wrong, would ALSO explain that, "Just because I'm mad at you doesn't mean I don't still love you." So, for me, "conflict" =/= "abandonment".

Comments

[kightp.livejournal.com]

It sounds as if you've developed a fair amount of resilience, a quality researchers haven't quite managed to wrestle to the ground yet, although they've defined it to death. It seems to result from some combination of nature (some people exhibit resilience from birth) and practice (learning to cope makes one better able to cope, which makes it easier to learn more coping skills...).

And yes, parents can help foster a child's native resilience by giving them a sense that no matter what goes wrong in the child's world, some things - being loved, for instance - are a given.

[not-the-angel.livejournal.com]

I was raised with that too, along with "As long as you can look in the mirror, and be okay with who you see, you'll be fine."

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

My genetics must be pretty good, because my upbringing sure wasn't. I have issues, but I think I do okay.

[yardlong.livejournal.com]

I do think it's primarily nature, though nurture isn't meaningless. How you react to what you are dealt with is your nature. Good parenting doesn't necessarily make for good children/people, and bad parenting doesn't mean the creation of horrible people. I think the worst thing would be to be isolated with only the influence of parents. The fact that there's a whole world out there means that those who are exposed to it can choose who they want to be. Not having the choice is the saddest thing, I think.

[fibro-witch.livejournal.com]

Well you meet my parents, what do you think of my mental health. My physical health is something genetics gave me. I really do not know if my parents were good or bad, I think they were about normal. Some days were great, some days were horrible.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

They obviously love you. That's a huge thing. Sure, I'm certain they weren't perfect, but they're decent people, y'know?

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

"Just because I'm mad at you doesn't mean I don't still love you."

You see, this? And the million other features like it? Are why I adore your whole family, and why your mom is one of the wisest people I could ever hope to meet.