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Anna's funeral
Anna's funeral was today. She pretty much planned the whole thing before she died -- she wanted it to be a party, rather than a particularly sad time. And I think she more-or-less succeeded.
I stuck around after the graveside service to see the casket lowered and covered.
As I've mentioned before, Dave and Sami dated for years, but broke up exceptionally messily and now hate each other. I'm still friends with both of them. And Anna loved both of them, and wanted Dave at her funeral.
He, wisely, declined to show up at the service, because it would have upset large chunks of the family, but wanted to respect Anna's wishes, so, after everyone but me had left, and the gravediggers were getting ready to lower the coffin, I saw Dave walk up. I walked over to him and gave him a hug, and he broke down in sobs for a couple seconds, then pulled himself together.
Lis and I had showed up to the graveside early -- we weren't part of the procession from the UU church to the grave. Anna's buried about a mile and a half, maybe two miles from here. And the church is perhaps a third of a mile from here. So it's not like it was far, and we just went on our own, getting there probably ten minutes before everyone else. Processions take time. And we checked out the neighbors.
Two graves down was the grave of an eighteen-year-old who'd died a few months ago. There was no headstone on it, obviously -- what family has a headstone for a reasonably-healthy eighteen-year-old made up ahead of time? -- and there was, written in it in marker, "I <3 U -- SORRY ABOUT THE STONE -- SOON -- MOM". There was also a pile of punk CDs, and a mini-Christmas tree.
We had the feeling that Anna would have gotten along with him. I mentioned this to Dave, and he said, "What is the kid's name?" So we walked the four yards over there, and Dave said, "I know him. We weren't really good friends or anything, but I played chess with him in the library a week before he died. Heroin overdose."
We talked a little about him, and about Anna, and we waited for them to fill the grave. We helped spread some of the dirt around, and talked to the backhoe driver a little about what Anna was like, and why we thought it was important for us to help out.
So, I guess it was kind of a sucky day for Dave all around, and it struck us as kind of odd that he knows two people buried all but next to each other. But then we thought about it, and except for family plots and the like, the plots are done in order of death. So it kind of makes sense.
Dave gave me a ride back to the northern half of Melrose.
So, I went back to the church, where they'd set up a bit of a shindig. They had deli platters and dozens of pizzas and shrimp cocktail and those roll-up sandwiches that they slice up and you buy by the platter, as well as a pretty impressive dessert table. And they had a laptop computer playing some songs Anna liked and showing a slideshow of family pictures that included her.
I stuck around after the graveside service to see the casket lowered and covered.
As I've mentioned before, Dave and Sami dated for years, but broke up exceptionally messily and now hate each other. I'm still friends with both of them. And Anna loved both of them, and wanted Dave at her funeral.
He, wisely, declined to show up at the service, because it would have upset large chunks of the family, but wanted to respect Anna's wishes, so, after everyone but me had left, and the gravediggers were getting ready to lower the coffin, I saw Dave walk up. I walked over to him and gave him a hug, and he broke down in sobs for a couple seconds, then pulled himself together.
Lis and I had showed up to the graveside early -- we weren't part of the procession from the UU church to the grave. Anna's buried about a mile and a half, maybe two miles from here. And the church is perhaps a third of a mile from here. So it's not like it was far, and we just went on our own, getting there probably ten minutes before everyone else. Processions take time. And we checked out the neighbors.
Two graves down was the grave of an eighteen-year-old who'd died a few months ago. There was no headstone on it, obviously -- what family has a headstone for a reasonably-healthy eighteen-year-old made up ahead of time? -- and there was, written in it in marker, "I <3 U -- SORRY ABOUT THE STONE -- SOON -- MOM". There was also a pile of punk CDs, and a mini-Christmas tree.
We had the feeling that Anna would have gotten along with him. I mentioned this to Dave, and he said, "What is the kid's name?" So we walked the four yards over there, and Dave said, "I know him. We weren't really good friends or anything, but I played chess with him in the library a week before he died. Heroin overdose."
We talked a little about him, and about Anna, and we waited for them to fill the grave. We helped spread some of the dirt around, and talked to the backhoe driver a little about what Anna was like, and why we thought it was important for us to help out.
So, I guess it was kind of a sucky day for Dave all around, and it struck us as kind of odd that he knows two people buried all but next to each other. But then we thought about it, and except for family plots and the like, the plots are done in order of death. So it kind of makes sense.
Dave gave me a ride back to the northern half of Melrose.
So, I went back to the church, where they'd set up a bit of a shindig. They had deli platters and dozens of pizzas and shrimp cocktail and those roll-up sandwiches that they slice up and you buy by the platter, as well as a pretty impressive dessert table. And they had a laptop computer playing some songs Anna liked and showing a slideshow of family pictures that included her.
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(Anonymous) 2006-12-23 09:50 am (UTC)(link)Dad
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