As for specifically religion-related practices, it depends on the particular version of Christianity involved. I'll speak to Roman Catholic customs.
Most of the time there is both a wake and a funeral, on different days. Rarely, there is no wake. It depends on the wishes of the deceased and the feelings of the family. If there is a wake, it usually is held the day before the funeral. Another term for "wake" is "visiting hours". Services on the day of the funeral may include both a funeral Mass and a service at the graveside or only one of these. Usually, the family invites people back to their home afterward for light refreshments and a chance to share memories. It isn't necessary for people to attend both the wake and the funeral, although they're usually welcome to do so. If you attend only one of the services, I'd make it the wake for the simple reason that you're more likely to be able to speak with the family at the wake than at the funeral.
The wake commonly is held in a funeral home. Visitors enter, sign a guest book, pay respects to the deceased, then to the family, then either mingle or take a seat, depending on what's happening at the time. You may see people leaving envelopes on a table or tray near either the guest book or the casket. These are "Mass cards". They look similar to greeting cards, but signify that the giver has arranged to have the deceased remembered in one of several kinds of prayer by one or another religious community. They are not by any means obligatory. When paying respect to the deceased, most Catholics will kneel at the casket and say a brief prayer. It's equally acceptable simply to stand silently at the casket for a moment or to go directly to the family if you're more comfortable doing that.
At some point during the wake there will be time set aside for prayer, usually led by a priest, but sometimes by a lay person. The prayer may be a recitation of the rosary or a scripture reading followed by a reflection on the scripture by the prayer leader. If you're there during prayer it's fine to remain seated and silent.
You are not expected to remain at the wake for any specific period of time. What matters most is that you came at all.
If you attend the funeral Mass, you may join in the prayers or remain silent. Often, there will be a leaflet with the prayers and/or scripture readings. If not, most churches have booklets in the pews with the Mass prayers, but the order of the prayers may not be obvious. They tend to assume familiarity with the liturgy. The congregation will stand, sit, or kneel at various times. There's no problem if you choose to sit rather than to kneel during those times. At one point, many members of the congregation will begin to go forward to receive Communion. In the Roman Catholic liturgy, Communion is reserved to Roman Catholics and members of churches that are in full communion with the Roman Catholic Church. If anyone isn't sure whether or not you're in one of these groups, it's best to assume you aren't. Just remain in your seat, as you'll see many others doing. No one will even notice, because at any Mass there are always some members of the congregation who choose not to receive Communion for various reasons. At the end of the service, those leading the service and the family will process out of the church, followed by everyone else. Ideally, people will leave in order from the front of the church toward the back, however that ideal seldom is achieved in practice.
That's pretty much it for Roman Catholic funeral practices. To offer my two cents' worth on food, let me say that "comfort food" tends to go down more easily than other kinds of food when there's a lump in the throat. By this I mean foods such as macaroni and cheese, other soft casseroles, custards, soft cookies, and the like. Easy fruits such as Clementines, grapes, or cherries are good choices if you want to go for something more healthful. One of your home-made breads would be great.
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Date: 2006-12-19 05:36 am (UTC)As for specifically religion-related practices, it depends on the particular version of Christianity involved. I'll speak to Roman Catholic customs.
Most of the time there is both a wake and a funeral, on different days. Rarely, there is no wake. It depends on the wishes of the deceased and the feelings of the family. If there is a wake, it usually is held the day before the funeral. Another term for "wake" is "visiting hours". Services on the day of the funeral may include both a funeral Mass and a service at the graveside or only one of these. Usually, the family invites people back to their home afterward for light refreshments and a chance to share memories. It isn't necessary for people to attend both the wake and the funeral, although they're usually welcome to do so. If you attend only one of the services, I'd make it the wake for the simple reason that you're more likely to be able to speak with the family at the wake than at the funeral.
The wake commonly is held in a funeral home. Visitors enter, sign a guest book, pay respects to the deceased, then to the family, then either mingle or take a seat, depending on what's happening at the time. You may see people leaving envelopes on a table or tray near either the guest book or the casket. These are "Mass cards". They look similar to greeting cards, but signify that the giver has arranged to have the deceased remembered in one of several kinds of prayer by one or another religious community. They are not by any means obligatory. When paying respect to the deceased, most Catholics will kneel at the casket and say a brief prayer. It's equally acceptable simply to stand silently at the casket for a moment or to go directly to the family if you're more comfortable doing that.
At some point during the wake there will be time set aside for prayer, usually led by a priest, but sometimes by a lay person. The prayer may be a recitation of the rosary or a scripture reading followed by a reflection on the scripture by the prayer leader. If you're there during prayer it's fine to remain seated and silent.
You are not expected to remain at the wake for any specific period of time. What matters most is that you came at all.
If you attend the funeral Mass, you may join in the prayers or remain silent. Often, there will be a leaflet with the prayers and/or scripture readings. If not, most churches have booklets in the pews with the Mass prayers, but the order of the prayers may not be obvious. They tend to assume familiarity with the liturgy. The congregation will stand, sit, or kneel at various times. There's no problem if you choose to sit rather than to kneel during those times. At one point, many members of the congregation will begin to go forward to receive Communion. In the Roman Catholic liturgy, Communion is reserved to Roman Catholics and members of churches that are in full communion with the Roman Catholic Church. If anyone isn't sure whether or not you're in one of these groups, it's best to assume you aren't. Just remain in your seat, as you'll see many others doing. No one will even notice, because at any Mass there are always some members of the congregation who choose not to receive Communion for various reasons. At the end of the service, those leading the service and the family will process out of the church, followed by everyone else. Ideally, people will leave in order from the front of the church toward the back, however that ideal seldom is achieved in practice.
That's pretty much it for Roman Catholic funeral practices. To offer my two cents' worth on food, let me say that "comfort food" tends to go down more easily than other kinds of food when there's a lump in the throat. By this I mean foods such as macaroni and cheese, other soft casseroles, custards, soft cookies, and the like. Easy fruits such as Clementines, grapes, or cherries are good choices if you want to go for something more healthful. One of your home-made breads would be great.