not to argue with your perceptions because hey, i like to see the data before i argue. :) but you know -- that's a tiny sample size.
i just wonder whether these women's partners have LJs... what i mean is that your own visibility might well make a difference as to how people feel they ought to express themselves towards lis.
also, i wonder about the tone and frequency with which those women complain. i can think of some women whom i would advise to leave their partners (and there have been men in the past where i said the same thing), but lis is most definitely not among them, and it's got zilch to do with you having children, or your financial status. it's got everything to do with the feeling i have about your r'ship, and that feeling is that you're doing just fine together in general, even if occasionally one or the other of you hits a low point.
as to "bum" traits, that's an interesting one. i wouldn't say that it's a measure i don't use at all, but it's not a particularly important one, unless it's pronounced in several areas, and a serious, active problem for the partner and the continued existence of the family. since i've lost all my calvinist work ethic i don't measure people by their outward productivity anymore, and i have become much more aware of other facets in how people can be supportive.
Re: On how people comment on other people's relationships.
i just wonder whether these women's partners have LJs... what i mean is that your own visibility might well make a difference as to how people feel they ought to express themselves towards lis.
also, i wonder about the tone and frequency with which those women complain. i can think of some women whom i would advise to leave their partners (and there have been men in the past where i said the same thing), but lis is most definitely not among them, and it's got zilch to do with you having children, or your financial status. it's got everything to do with the feeling i have about your r'ship, and that feeling is that you're doing just fine together in general, even if occasionally one or the other of you hits a low point.
as to "bum" traits, that's an interesting one. i wouldn't say that it's a measure i don't use at all, but it's not a particularly important one, unless it's pronounced in several areas, and a serious, active problem for the partner and the continued existence of the family. since i've lost all my calvinist work ethic i don't measure people by their outward productivity anymore, and i have become much more aware of other facets in how people can be supportive.