The Ten Days of Repentance
Sep. 25th, 2006 11:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xiphiasSo, the ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are for dealing with open issues interpersonally.
The biggest part of this is apologizing for things that you've done wrong, and trying to make amends.
But, it's really more general than that, I think. I think it's a time to work on any relationship that is having problems and imbalances.
Right now, I know of one relationship which I have with someone with big, glaring open issues. And it's been open for YEARS. And I'm STILL not figuring out how to fix this and make it work. To you, Kiralee, I say that I'm still not doing well at working towards making things work, but I haven't stopped trying to stumble towards some sort of resolution. I don't know how to fix things, and things are awkward, and I'm sorry about that. And this is not going to be fixed before Yom Kippur. And I'm sorry about that. But I'm going to continue to try to figure out ways to stumble haltingly in the right direction.
That one relationship, I know about. And it's precisely the sort of thing that one is SUPPOSED to work on in these ten days, and I can't. I'm sorry.
There are other relationships which are changing and growing and figuring out their place -- those are fine. As far as I can see, they don't need to be pushed or resolved or anything like that -- if we are becoming friends, or figuring out what kind of friends we are, or anything like that, and you are comfortable with how the relationship is growing, then so am I.
But -- if you and I have some sort of relationship which has a breach, or a roughness, or a disharmony of some sort, these days are a time to try to work on it. If I have hurt you, that is a disharmony, and please tell me, so we can try to figure out a way that we can fix it. If I have insulted you, please tell me, so I can try to apologize.
If I have unhonored commitments to you, remind me of them. That is a disharmony. And if it is not too late to honor them, I can try to. And if it is. . . I can see if there is a way to make amends.
If we have unanswered questions, confusions, or unclearness in our relationship, these days are a chance to clarify them, to define them, to understand them.
So, please. If there is a disharmony in our relationship, let me know. You can comment here, or email me at ian@io.com. If you know me in the flesh, you can talk to me face-to-face, or telephone me. I can't promise that I can fix things. But I'd like to try.
The biggest part of this is apologizing for things that you've done wrong, and trying to make amends.
But, it's really more general than that, I think. I think it's a time to work on any relationship that is having problems and imbalances.
Right now, I know of one relationship which I have with someone with big, glaring open issues. And it's been open for YEARS. And I'm STILL not figuring out how to fix this and make it work. To you, Kiralee, I say that I'm still not doing well at working towards making things work, but I haven't stopped trying to stumble towards some sort of resolution. I don't know how to fix things, and things are awkward, and I'm sorry about that. And this is not going to be fixed before Yom Kippur. And I'm sorry about that. But I'm going to continue to try to figure out ways to stumble haltingly in the right direction.
That one relationship, I know about. And it's precisely the sort of thing that one is SUPPOSED to work on in these ten days, and I can't. I'm sorry.
There are other relationships which are changing and growing and figuring out their place -- those are fine. As far as I can see, they don't need to be pushed or resolved or anything like that -- if we are becoming friends, or figuring out what kind of friends we are, or anything like that, and you are comfortable with how the relationship is growing, then so am I.
But -- if you and I have some sort of relationship which has a breach, or a roughness, or a disharmony of some sort, these days are a time to try to work on it. If I have hurt you, that is a disharmony, and please tell me, so we can try to figure out a way that we can fix it. If I have insulted you, please tell me, so I can try to apologize.
If I have unhonored commitments to you, remind me of them. That is a disharmony. And if it is not too late to honor them, I can try to. And if it is. . . I can see if there is a way to make amends.
If we have unanswered questions, confusions, or unclearness in our relationship, these days are a chance to clarify them, to define them, to understand them.
So, please. If there is a disharmony in our relationship, let me know. You can comment here, or email me at ian@io.com. If you know me in the flesh, you can talk to me face-to-face, or telephone me. I can't promise that I can fix things. But I'd like to try.