So, I was just telling my parents about my Octopus/Inteligent Design theory. . .

[xiphias]

We're at my parents' house; my niece and nephew and their parents were over for the weekend for New Year's, and they just left, and Lis is asleep, and I was telling my parents about how Intelligent Design actually all holds together, if you assume that HUMANS aren't the creature that was designed. As I said, "So, all you need is to think of a creature without joints, without teeth, and whose eyes don't grow from their optic nerves, but are intelligent and have the ability to use tools. . . "

And Dad said, "Oh! Octopuses!"

I explained about Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti monster are probably therefore just visions of the Great Octopus.

And I explained my further theory about how, according to this theory, the purpose of humans was to be controlled by the Intelligent Designer to create global warming to make large shallow seas over the coastal areas that humans have built up, so that the octopuses could have the benefit of our structures while they created their own society.

And Mom said, "So, the Bush Dynasty is being controlled by Cthulhu in order to destroy humanity?"

And Dad said, "It explains a lot about Cheney -- he always did have that kind of fishy, Innsmouth look to him."

I said, "Yeah. This has actually been keeping me up at nights. . . it all hangs together all too well. If you can come up with ANYTHING that would be an argument against this, anything that will make me feel better about this, I'd love to hear it."

Mom and Dad were quiet and thinking for a while. And Mom said, "Well, they'll probably need a small slave population of humans to work the dry-land areas for a while. . . ."

(Other comments: "Well, if the Greenland ice caps go, the sea levels will go up about fifty feet. Once the octopuses get MIT, it's all over. On the other hand, they'll also get Logan Airport, which should slow them down some. . . 'I dunno, man, I went to this place near the shore, and I was stuck there for six freakin' hours. . . '")

Comments

[trystan830.livejournal.com]

found this posted on the unitarians...omgoddess, this is HILARIOUS!!
i was laughing for a good few minutes!

[halien--.livejournal.com]

Sounds like your family has fun discussions!

[hgryphon.livejournal.com]

That totally rocked my world! :D

[velouria-uk.livejournal.com]

I WANT TO BE AN OCTOPUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tmixtli.livejournal.com]

As with several others, I followed this link from caprine.

I haven't seen it mentioned here or on metaquotes, but J. Michael Straczynski's ode to archetypes Babylon 5 features a climactic money shot in which the aliens who have been cultivating an image of angels are revealed to be glowing energy squids. Is JMS a member of the conspiracy, an unwitting conduit of the Great Octopus, or a rebel cultist determined to out his tentacled master?

[weepingtemptres.livejournal.com]

I once had a theory that the bible missed a section including "skippy" the dolphin counterpart of Adam...he ruled the seas...but I think you are probably closer in accuracy with the octopi intelligent design concept.
nice work to you and your family.
but now i must go finish sewing my wet suit with 8 tentacles...


hey i just thought...maybe there were strains of the concept flowing when "Doc Oc" was created to battle Spiderman...

You had me there for a minute but..

[(Anonymous)]

This all seemed totally believable until you got to the point where you were talking about your parent's responses. Your observations on the superiority of the octopus and the nature of The Great Creator are spot on. But, intelligent well-formed responses from older human life-forms, particularly those in a parental supervisory role are totally unbelievable. In the future, please stick with logically formed hypothesis without embellishing it with fantastic claims of rational thought by these life forms.

btw, excellent post. Deserves a spot in Wikipedia.

[ladyfox7oaks.livejournal.com]

Please- oh PLEASE-- may I copy this to my own journal- with your permission and name and credits to you?? (I'd link- but I don't know quite how that works, yet...)

So funny!

[(Anonymous)]

This is hysterical. I am going to link to it. By the way, I found it on MSNBC . . .

And as you can tell, I like octopi :-)

[skyblade.livejournal.com]

Have you ever seen "The Future is Wild"...it actually suggest squids could in fact be the evolutionary inheritors of the world after all of us are dust in the wind.

[toniabarone.livejournal.com]

*L* Wow. Cool. *giggles*

[zellieh]

I love intelligent design. Makes me laugh every time. The Spaghetti Monster! Hee! :D

[syk0saje.livejournal.com]

awesome. will link, if you don't mind :D

[john-m-burt.livejournal.com]

I finally looked at the link my sweetie sent me, and I'm glad I did. :-)