So, I was just telling my parents about my Octopus/Inteligent Design theory. . .

[xiphias]

We're at my parents' house; my niece and nephew and their parents were over for the weekend for New Year's, and they just left, and Lis is asleep, and I was telling my parents about how Intelligent Design actually all holds together, if you assume that HUMANS aren't the creature that was designed. As I said, "So, all you need is to think of a creature without joints, without teeth, and whose eyes don't grow from their optic nerves, but are intelligent and have the ability to use tools. . . "

And Dad said, "Oh! Octopuses!"

I explained about Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti monster are probably therefore just visions of the Great Octopus.

And I explained my further theory about how, according to this theory, the purpose of humans was to be controlled by the Intelligent Designer to create global warming to make large shallow seas over the coastal areas that humans have built up, so that the octopuses could have the benefit of our structures while they created their own society.

And Mom said, "So, the Bush Dynasty is being controlled by Cthulhu in order to destroy humanity?"

And Dad said, "It explains a lot about Cheney -- he always did have that kind of fishy, Innsmouth look to him."

I said, "Yeah. This has actually been keeping me up at nights. . . it all hangs together all too well. If you can come up with ANYTHING that would be an argument against this, anything that will make me feel better about this, I'd love to hear it."

Mom and Dad were quiet and thinking for a while. And Mom said, "Well, they'll probably need a small slave population of humans to work the dry-land areas for a while. . . ."

(Other comments: "Well, if the Greenland ice caps go, the sea levels will go up about fifty feet. Once the octopuses get MIT, it's all over. On the other hand, they'll also get Logan Airport, which should slow them down some. . . 'I dunno, man, I went to this place near the shore, and I was stuck there for six freakin' hours. . . '")

Comments

[skeletonjill.livejournal.com]

I can't wait to share this with my Baptist friend... >: )

Octopus ID

[(Anonymous)]

It is clear that the octopus life-forms and their designer have been around before, and the Irreducible Complexity of microtubules reflects this:
http://www.venganza.org/sighting/107.htm

Not to mention the paleoartifact from Yellowstone. The octopi have left a sign of their previous colonization. http://www.venganza.org/sighting/38.htm

Probably this explains all those fossils in the sedimentary rock: http://www2.nature.nps.gov/geology/paleontology/surveys/yell_survey/fossi.htm

Will we now have a schism within the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster on whether or not octopi are created in His image?

[unnamed525.livejournal.com]

Brilliant.

[ice-hesitant.livejournal.com]

It certainly explains the Bush-Cheney-Putin opposition to greenhouse emission reduction.

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

Genius!

[euterpe35.livejournal.com]

I especially loved this part:
""It explains a lot about Cheney -- he always did have that kind of fishy, Innsmouth look to him.""

[opalblack.livejournal.com]

Here from _octopus_ and telling linkfrenzy.
You win at life :D

[bynner.livejournal.com]

BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! This made my day! :)

[josiefiend.livejournal.com]

Here from team_tentacle. I think you're onto something here. Fantastic theory!

[ellid.livejournal.com]

Indeed, you are a prophet. "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good tidings."

[biomekanic.livejournal.com]

Innsmouth indeed. *Snerk*

Here via caprine, and I'm passing on the link.

[mexicanjewlizrd.livejournal.com]

The plural of 'octopus' is 'octopi'

That aside, color me amused :-)

[justink198301.livejournal.com]

ubsa brought me here... This completely made my day and so much sense!

I bow down to the noddle-esque overlords and will serve them well.

[pepperjackcandy.livejournal.com]

Nothing to say. Just thought my grammar icon would be appropriate.

[dr-zrfq.livejournal.com]

*loud sporfly giggles* *applause*

Shown here by liadan_m... may I link to it?

[bunrab.livejournal.com]

you have truly cool parents.

[fierynotes.livejournal.com]

You know how Big Oil has wanted to tap Alaska for the past however-many years?

What if it's not about the oil? I mean, sure, if more oil gets used, then global warming happens more quickly, but what if it's more than that? What if there's Something buried there, asleep and dreaming, that the  cultists  Petroleum Industry intends to awaken? Surely Antarctica isn't the only isolated frozen waste to be inhabited by some Unspeakably powerful being...

...where are my manners? Hi, I'm _flame_god_. caprine provided a link to your theory in her LJ. Good stuff!

[elfbiter.livejournal.com]

ROTFLMAO

And it makes a weird sense and all that...

[rhys-fokker.livejournal.com]

the Octopod invasion is all over once they get to the Peabody/Burlington stretch of Route 128, then its all downhill from there

[a-treitell.livejournal.com]

Hi.. I don't know you.. But this, made me laugh.

A lot.

Thank you. :D

[sirithkai.livejournal.com]

There is too much pollution on the surface for to ever work. The toxicity released b all the indusstries, power plants etc will be too much for the marine life to handle.

[ecban.livejournal.com]

Cheers! I got a real kick out of this.

Seriously though, there's a lot to be said for not going the endoskeleton route in evolution, at least out of water. Our fishy spines were never meant to carry body weight in the first place, much less be stood on end, and no self-respecting fish would approve of what we've done to our fins and scales. Pulling in our snouts, which cramped our teeth up so badly, is just inexcusable. Our ancestors must have been damn scared of something to hit the beach in the first place, and you've shown that the something was probably octopi. Fear the octopod god!

Here via Making Light, so expect even more newcomers.

[stormydragon.livejournal.com]

The only problem with this theory is that it's easily demonstrable that global warming is caused not by green house emissions, but by the worsening global pirate shortage.

BTW, do octopi like pets?

[telarus.livejournal.com]

Hey! This was BRILLIANT! I've re-posted (http://www.livejournal.com/community/convert_me/664875.html?style=mine) it to the convert_me religion forum, if you want to check out their responces. ^_^ Hail Eris!

-Telarus, KSC, Keeper of the Contradictory Cephalopod, Tender to the Edible Zen Garden, Episkopos of the Amorphous Dreams Cabal

[batshua]

Wow. This post was linked to my friends page by at least one of my friends who doesn't know you at all.

I am impressed.