Random things I know

[xiphias]

One time, at a gathering, someone told me that, years previously, they'd helped write a computer program which could distinguish between an answering machine message and an actual person on the phone.

Basically, in the great majority of cases, someone picking up the phone says, "Hello?" in a rising tone of voice.

An answering machine message, on the other hand, may start with "Hello," but, if it does, it is almost invariably in a falling or flat tone. "Hello. You have reached blah blah blah."

So, this program would note whether it was a rising or falling or flat "hello."

Soon after he did his work, he got a phone call, said, "Hello?" and heard the phone click over to a phone bank, where a telemarketer of some stripe started talking to him.

It is for this reason that I never answer the phone, "Hello?"

Rather, I say, "Ian here," or "Osmond-Riba residence."

That's, first, more useful to people calling me, since they that way know they've gotten the right phone number, and possibly even which one of us they're talking to.

But more importantly, it screws with that phone bank program. A fair chunk of telemarketing calls just plain don't get through to me, because of how I answer the phone.

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine was once making a call, while I was in the room, and said, "Hello. . . . hello? um, hello! . . ." then "oh fuck that," and hung up.

Turns out the answering machine had said, "Hello?" (with that rising inflection) with loud music in the background, then, "Hello? Hello? Oh, hang on, I've got to turn the music down," then a pause, and the music's volume went way down, then, "I'm sorry I can't talk right now, but if you'd leave a message. . . ."

[navrins]

True in general, perhaps. I generally answer my (personal) phone on a falling "Hello." (Specifically, about Bb-G.) Sometimes I stretch it into three syllables, sort of "He-eh-lo," at G-Bb-G.

Of course, sometimes I used to get confused and answer my personal phone, "This is Brian." I'm sure I *would* have answered it, "Border-Run-Pictures, Brian speaking, can-I-help-you?" for a few weeks, had I *had* a personal phone to answer at that time.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

In high school, one of my classmates in math class had a similar answering machine message on the line his parents got for him. I forgive him the sophomoric humor on the grounds that we were sophomores at the time.

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

I just let the machine get it if I don't recognize the name on Caller ID.

I love technology.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Whoa. I used to have that message on my machine.

[bercilakslady.livejournal.com]

Reminds me of my Uncle Larry's answering machine message. He'd do different (short) clips from his favorite music (all classical) and see who could identify it. It was easy to tell this was Larry's phone if you knew him at all.

I'm not sure what ours is right now, but I think it's my brother going "This is my Mom's answering machine at 555-555-5555. Please leave a message". Ben has a rather distinct voice, and the numbers are of course our real phone number.

[mattblum.livejournal.com]

Of course, with the no-call list, there's an even better way to get rid of most annoying telemarketers. Not that saying something other than "Hello" isn't easy, but isn't it better if they just don't call you in the first place?

[ckd]

That doesn't stop charity solicitors, alas.

[bikergeek.livejournal.com]

The most insidious example of "charity solicitors" are the "non-profit" credit counseling agencies who exist solely to funnel their marks^H^H^H^H^Hpigeons^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hcustomers to a for-profit back end.

[noddpot.livejournal.com]

Awesome!

Im going to start answering the phone that way, because we get SHIT loads of telemarketers.

"Osmond-Riba residence." I like it!


(I jest.. Ill change it to my name ;) )

Tele-who?

[(Anonymous)]

One way to eliminate telemarketers is to live in Massachusetts and enroll on the state no-call list as well as the federal one. It's more restrictive, I believe. Technique #2: Don't have either an answering machine or voicemail, and seldom be around to answer the phone yourself. Technique #3: When a telemarketer starts hir spiel, interrupt politely but firmly. State: "I'm sorry, we do not accept calls of this nature at this number. Please remove this number from your call list. Thank you. Good-bye." Then hang up nicely. Don't allow any discussion such as "I'm not selling anything, I'm....".

It may take a year or so, but most telemarketing companies will eventually get the idea that calling your number is a waste of time. I practice these techniques, and even before no-call lists went into effect, my annoyance call rate was down to one a month or so.
- Felis Sidus

Re: Tele-who?

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

We do #1 and #3 as well, but, frankly, the "not saying hello" is most effective. . .

[ellettra.livejournal.com]

brilliant!

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

I wonder if that's why bcholmes always answers the phone with, "Talk to me."