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xiphiasSo, Mom's been pressuring me to write my thank-you notes for my birthday, and she asked me what's so hard about it. I said, "Dry mouth, shaking hands, blurry vision, and nausea." Lis agrees since that's what happens to her, too, when she has to write a thank-you note, and we also both agree that the requirement to write thank you notes is one of the reasons why we both hate getting presents so much.
What is it about thank you notes that does that?
What is it about thank you notes that does that?
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 11:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 11:39 am (UTC)What about something like this:
Dear Jane, thank you so much for helping make my birthday party so much fun. I really loved the helium balloon you gave me. Lis and I spent an hour making our voices squeaky! It was wonderful seeing you. thanks again, Ian.
Boring? maybe a little. but people just want to be acknowledged. They're not looking for literature.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 11:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 11:54 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 11:56 am (UTC)can you send me your email address? I want to let you and Lis know about something going on in your town but dont' want to do it in lj.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 11:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 12:09 pm (UTC)I hate writing them too. I have a set format:
Dear so-and-so,
Thank you very much for [item]. [nice thing about item, or if it was money/check, what i plan to purchase]. [random thing about my life--usually "college is going well"]. Hope to see you [again, if they came to an event] soon!
Thanks again!
Love,
me
I've been using that one since third grade, and it works like a charm...
I just buy cheap blank cards, usually at the Christmas Tree Shop, so much easier than actual printed thank-you notes...and about $2 cheaper too.
My apologies for disagreeing with you
Date: 2004-03-09 12:28 pm (UTC)Follow up in writing whenever possible. Even if you've thanked the gift bearer in person, it's always nice to send a follow-up note. The best part about a handwritten thank you note is that it becomes a gift in itself. The person who receives it will appreciate the extra few minutes you took to express your gratitude in writing.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 12:30 pm (UTC)The marketing dept doesn't want to come off sounding harsh.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 12:32 pm (UTC)The etiquette of pedantry
Date: 2004-03-09 12:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 12:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 12:43 pm (UTC)Re: The etiquette of pedantry
Date: 2004-03-09 12:46 pm (UTC)Re: The etiquette of pedantry
Date: 2004-03-09 12:55 pm (UTC)How deligtful to see your contribution in
Take care!
Sincerely,
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 12:57 pm (UTC)"Human nature does not change ... you will always have to write thank you letters and answer invitations, admire new babies and pay condolence calls, and look after your guests" (Martin, 4).
source
Of course, such recent books aren't online...*shrug*
Maybe you were lucky enough not to be obligated to write thank you notes all the time...guys usually don't. :P
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 01:07 pm (UTC)I, too, was surprised not to find an online reference for Judith Martin's work. I do appreciate the reference pointer and will keep it in mind the next time I'm in a position to shop for books.
As to the circumstances of my social education... I confess it has much less to do with my gender than wth the fact that I did not receive gifts from anyone who didn't live under my own roof until I was away at college.
Thank you again for your assistance!
Sincerely,
Thank you notes are required
Date: 2004-03-09 01:13 pm (UTC)http://www.mountvernonnews.com/local/010204/wedding.html
(Her books “Miss Manners On Weddings” and “Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior” are great resources for those concerned with ... whether thank-you notes are still required along with verbal thanks (always).)
etc.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 01:16 pm (UTC)But then I also send few gifts and cards. I'm sorta a slob that way.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 01:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 01:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 01:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 01:44 pm (UTC)You don't need thank-you cards
Date: 2004-03-09 01:53 pm (UTC)Also, I expect that as soon as my note is read, it'll go into the recycling bin, so spending extra time and cash on a cute card is kind of a waste, in my opinion.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 01:58 pm (UTC)I had a bunch of presents when I was Bar Mitzvah'd and my parents insisted that I write a bunch of thank you notes. It took me weeks to get through them. I'm not a fast writer at the best of times and I still had homework from school.
Thank you notes force you to at least imply gratitude over a prolonged period. By inference they also imply a debt of conscience until the note is written, received and acknowledged; and this is even before you get into performance anxiety about expectations of behaving a certain way and not slipping up. I for one can feel gratitude about a boombox I didn't want for not very long. Trying to enforce a sense of debt and obligation upon me is a Bad Thing. Might be some of what's giving you the shakes, bro'r.
A sincere thank you, for presents you like, is a very good thing to give to somebody who has given you such a nice present. That said, I for one don't care if it's written, spoken, engraved on cunningly wrought gold petals on an everblooming rose or done up in skywriting. The form should be appropriate to the persons involved.
And that's my considered two cents on the matter.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 02:11 pm (UTC)And as I said above, if it honestly gives the recipient anxiety attacks to do it, then he/she shouldn't have to. (BTW, Ian, I would be happy to do little pre-printed things that you can sign and send off if it would make you feel like you've done what's required.)
Re: Thank you notes are required
Date: 2004-03-09 02:13 pm (UTC)Thank you's
Date: 2004-03-09 02:33 pm (UTC)My philosophy is that if I don't thank you in person (and you're not insisting I send one), then I don't do thank you cards for everyday stuff. I have sent various cards out for wedding gifts this last time, but we didn't get many gifts so it wasn't an issue. But I still hate them!!!
Re: Thank you notes are required
Date: 2004-03-09 03:35 pm (UTC)The second could be interpreted to be about weddings only, I suppose. I happen to know that Miss Manners doesn't subscribe to the notion of special wedding-only etiquette, but it'd be hard to find a brief summary to that point.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 05:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 08:40 pm (UTC)Seriously, thank you for a great party, and for not being offended (or else hiding your offense) that I was incredibly late. And I hate writing thank-you notes myself, especially - paradoxically - to people I know well. The closer I am to them, the harder it is. It's so formal and embarrassing and almost a little too much like ass kissing.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 10:33 pm (UTC)I am probably not the norm here, but the best part of giving a gift is...well, just that. The giving.
Thank yous make me blush and then I clash, and clashing is bad.
And now I'm rambling. Which is also bad.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-10 02:45 am (UTC)I feel no sense of obligation to write them. I think that's probably what helps.
Miss Manners says it's better manners to use ordinary notepaper than pre-printed cards. Would it help if you decided to write an ordinary letter, and just put a thank-you sentence somewhere in the middle?
A.
a different template
Date: 2004-03-10 07:32 am (UTC)Thank you for the _____ because then you're DONE and what are you
going to say next? It goes like this:
Dear (somebody)
(how I felt)
(what I'm going to do)
(thanks)
eg
Dear Aunt Tilly
It was so nice to know you were thinking of me when you gave
me a dozen monogrammed handkerchiefs. I'm sure they will
make me think of you when I see them in my pocket. NB and if you
leave them in the back of your drawer for a year, and never think of
Aunt Tilly once, you're not lying, are you? Thank you for remembering me on my birthday,
Best regards,
Also, it is much easier to craft this format around to be the beginning of a REAL letter if you want to write one...
Dear XXX,
I was delighted to get your birthday present in the mail. I'm tucking
the check aside for spending money on my trip to NY next month. What
a great help that will be!
Pity the rest of life cant be as terrific as a birthday. Did I tell you the cat died? .....
blah blah blah...
love, me
Oh good!
Date: 2004-03-10 06:11 pm (UTC)Shall I come over and write the thank-you notes for you? I *will* need a list of people and presents, and a sample of your handwriting.
Love,
A.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-10 06:13 pm (UTC)A.
wondering what the ettiquette status is of starting a flamewar in a person's journal about how rude they are to not do something they desperately do not want to do.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-10 06:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-10 06:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-10 06:34 pm (UTC)I have a personal policy of not cashing checks/using giftcards/spending cash given to me as gifts until I've written a thank-you note for them... Writing the notes makes me nervous and I tend to freak out. I have a pile of uncashed checks on my bookshelf at the moment, for that reason. Certainly there was no disrespect intended toward your phobia!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-10 07:40 pm (UTC)