Another important quote:

[xiphias]

From beccastareyes: "The autism spectrum and the jackass spectrum are disjoint."

I know some jackasses. I know some people on the autism spectrum. The overlap between the two sets is only as much as would be expected by chance. Having Asperger's, or any other autism-spectrum trait, is neither an excuse for being a jackass, nor a reason to be one. Autism doesn't make you a jackass, and my friends who are autism-spectrum aren't jackasses, nor does their autism push them toward jackassery.

If you act like a jackass and then say "it's not my fault; I have Asperger's", you're just plain wrong. Having Asperger's doesn't make you a jackass any more than being left-handed does.

Comments

[fatpie42.livejournal.com]

I have definitely met people who have acted like a jackass when it has been in some way related to their Asperger's condition. I don't think either of them would want to say "it's not my fault; I have Asperger's", but it's just so blatantly connected that they don't HAVE to say that.

One friend of mine said to a transgendered friend of mine "I have views about people like you". I don't know why he said it. We were in a group of people who all liked to do that social activity of saying little comic zingers at one another. I can't do that so I try to stay out of it, but my friend clearly didn't want to be left out, so he was getting it wrong - and generally annoying everyone as a result. But that comment towards my transgendered friend in particular really did NOT go down well at all.

Now the next time I saw him, he seemed very very sorry for what he had said. He clearly recognised there was no excuse for that kind of comment and wholly regretted it. I absolutely think it was issues with handling social interactions, particularly in big groups, which led him to saying something he hadn't fully thought out without considering the rammifications for other people's feelings properly. Naturally Asperger's is always going to make that sort of thing more difficult.

That being said, he knew he was to blame for what he said. There was no suggestion that saying "oh I have Asperger's" would be to excuse anything.

As a teacher, I'm aware of a similar thing with dyslexia. (Bear with me, the parallel will make sense eventually.) To a certain extent you have to make allowances for dyslexia, but it only goes so far as an excuse. Dyslexia doesn't mean that you cannot write English properly. It simply means that it will be more difficult for you. There are people who are no damn good at English who don't have dyslexia at all. As a teacher I shouldn't accept dyslexia as an excuse for bad spelling and grammar. People with dyslexia still need to learn to get better, just as much as anyone else. (Moreso in fact. They need more support in getting better.) But nevertheless dyslexia may involve a slightly different approach to the issue.

Um, do I need to explain the parallels now? To sum up, Asperger's makes it harder to deal with social situations, but not impossible. It's not a complete excuse for acting like a jackass and people with Asperger's need to learn from social mistakes moreso than anyone because it's always going to be harder for them. Still, someone with Asperger's does need a different approach. That doesn't mean you are excusing their behaviour, but just recognising that their cases may often involve a genuine mistake rather than spitefulness, arrogance or things like that.

I've spent a while talking here, so I'll finish by noting that I am not an expert and I'm happy to be corrected on any of this. This wasn't supposed to be a sermon. Just my own subjective observations.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I think that your friend's action and reaction to his own reaction demonstrates the distinction between "acting like a jackass" and "being a jackass". I think we all of us act like a jackass sometimes. However, one only IS a jackass if one refuses to recognize, apologize for, and attempt to change such actions.