And controlled burns ARE a thing that people do, and which are useful.

But they're not the go-to technique for most forms of fire. If my fire department showed up at my house when we had that kitchen fire years ago, and decided to do a controlled burn to keep it from coming up the stairs, it wouldn't have been the best choice.

And the way that the aphorism is used is "this is your first response. If someone is being violent and nasty, you should go ahead and be violent and nasty right back." So that's an aphorism which is both factually wrong, and metaphorically wrong.