You are all on notice.

[xiphias]

Too many of my friends are in emotional pain. Now, some emotional pain is because of genuine loss, because people are in bad situations, because of real, external things that cause people to be in pain.

There's not a hell of a lot I can do about that, except be a shoulder to cry on, and to listen, and to express sympathy. And I want to do that for you.

But there are also a lot of people I love who are in emotional pain because of depression, and other internal effects that people carry with them.

I have decided that depression is my enemy. I hate it. I've started to make a good dent on killing it in my own brain, and I am now getting sick and tired of this evil enemy attacking my friends, too.

Depression, you are my enemy. I HATE you, and I hate to see you fucking with my friends. And so, I am YOUR enemy, too.

So, people I love -- when I see Depression attacking you, I'm going to get mad, and I'm going to start pushing you to take care of yourself and to destroy it.

If you are sad and upset because of grief and loss, that's not depression. If you are sad and upset because of loved ones who have died, that's not depression. If you are sad and upset because your life actually does, genuinely, suck, that's not depression.

But if the worm of depression is eating away your mind from inside? That's what I declare war upon.

Now, I don't care HOW you fight it, so long as it works. For some of you, taking B12 vitamins will work, because your brains just aren't producing enough of those B-complex vitamins, but, if you take supplements, your brain will be able to use them to make the seratonin and other neurotransmitters you need. If that works for you, that's fantastic.

Some of you will be able to control your depression through exercise. Your brain will be able to use the endorphins and other chemicals released in exercise to synthesize the chemicals it needs.

For some of you, that won't work. Some of you will need antidepressants. For some of you, selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors will work -- you make enough seratonin, but other parts of your brain that don't really need it are slurping it up before it can do its job. For some of you, those won't work, either. There are several classes of antidepressants. If one doesn't work on you, try another one.

Talk therapy might work for some of you. For others of you, it will do fuck-all. At least, before you're on drugs that help. Once your brain DOES have the chemicals it needs, THEN talk therapy will be useful, because, at that point, your brain will physically have the structures to be CAPABLE of not being depressed. At THAT point, you can start to learn how to not be depressed. But you physically CAN'T learn how to not be depressed when, in your brain, that whole part is just plain missing.

Being depressed isn't your fault. It's a physical disability. It is your brain physically not producing the chemicals that non-depressed brains have. In order to NOT be depressed, those chemicals need to be there, some way or another.

And it is just about impossible to get out of depression on your own. Those chemicals which are lacking? Those are the chemicals which would allow you to do things about getting out of depression -- and they're not there.

I have a wife who pushed me into treatment. And pushed me into different treatments, one after the other, until we found one that worked.

So, that's it. I want these motherf-ckling depressions OUT OF your motherf-cking brains. And I'm going to be yelling at each one of you to DO something about it, and if that thing isn't working, to DO SOMETHING ELSE, until you kill the depression.

Unless you don't want me to -- feel free to tell me NOT to do that. I'm not your parent. There are a couple people on my f-list that I AM in some sense responsible for, and you don't get to opt out of this (temima, I'm looking at you) -- but the rest of you can.

I just hate depression. I hate that it attacks my friends.

Comments

[navrins]

Hear, hear!

(Mind if I link?)

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

From your keyboard to G-d's monitor.

I haven't been able to kill my depression, but I can mostly control it with meds and periodic talk-therapy. You have my express consent to tell me if you perceive that mine is getting out of control.

And I need to find some way to start taking yoga again. That's good stuff, for me.

[ailsaek.livejournal.com]

Feel free. I have a few warning signs that I have logged in my brain to take seriously, but the problem is that it takes me a couple of days to notice the pattern. Also, it's really useful to have someone call bullshit on my various rationalizations.

[sarianna.livejournal.com]

Thank you.
I have a small bit of depression coupled with a whole lotta panic disorder. And this is wonderful encouragement to keep on fighting.
:')

[tylik.livejournal.com]

I applaud this.

I also wonder how much one can attack depression as an external thing, and how much one risks having deal with it as a shadow self through that approach. No real clue. I run up against that one sometimes, but my most closely analogous thing is the whole chronic pain / spine injury thing, and while being very damn proactive on both dealing with the pain and doing other things to keep my body healthy is very good, it's all too clear that this is my body, and it's the only one I've got. In many ways I'm more healthy and fit than most people I know, but there are still things that are not insignificantly broken.

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

*Applauds Wildly*

Anger and Passion are strong and powerful motivators. May they keep you strong enough to fight the battles inside of you and to wage war against the larger enemy you've named. Remember, names have power; you own this one because you know it's name.

[jehanna.livejournal.com]

Yay, well said.

(Approximately four years of the pink capsules and counting....)

[greenlily.livejournal.com]

*joins the chorus of applause*

When I started taking meds, red_queen's comment was the most helpful. She said, sometimes meds help you get out of your own way so you can do what you need to do. That kind of re-framed it for me, and helped me stop being so resistant to taking the blasted things.

Melrose has a new super hero...

[wargoddess.livejournal.com]

ANTIDEPRESSANT MAN!

>^,^<

.

[matociquala.livejournal.com]

I really appreciate that you are doing this. I think it's a good thing. I value you, and I adore your determination to do a good thing in the world.

And I think I need to opt out.

I'm bipolar. I know it. I do what I can to treat it, but I'm going to be bipolar all my life, and a certain amount of living with chronic illness is, well, learning what you can do and what you can't. And when I am going fifteen rounds with the brain chemicals, it doesn't help to be told I'm going fifteen rounds with the brain chemicals. It just makes me feel bitter and resentful and angry that I have this fucking chronic illness, and so.

But thank you.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

Please don't do that to me. Yes, some of my problem is depression, but there is nothing I can do to circumvent it when it happens. Antidepressants have all kinds of nasty side effects or reverse effects on me, and I am tired of trying one drug after another and going through the inevitable nasty side effects like mania, stuttering, rash breakouts, and narcolepsy.

I appreciate your anger, but I would feel it was directed at me if you yelled at me to do something about it, which would be counterproductive at best.

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Yep! It sucks! Backup is good.

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

Amen!

I only get circumstantial depression, when circumstances truly suck, but I have many friends who live with chronic depression. I agree, it needs to be fought, not bowed to.

[anhelometuo.livejournal.com]

I agree, whole-heartedly.

Heh, one of my posts were a reminder of the hell I went through during it and to get over it.

And life seems to be going pretty well. (Minus the occasional day of remembrance.)

Good luck to all those who need it, because it takes a lot of effort, and a lot of time.

[asqmh.livejournal.com]

Thanks for posting. There have been times in the past when mine has been largely controlled. Right now, it's less so. But I feel the same way. And yes, feel free to tell me if I'm in piss-poor shape because while I may feel bad, I may also be blind to how bad it is. I had a medication interruption awhile back and I'm still trying to get stuff leveled out.

Anyway, thanks for saying what needs to be said.

[blairette.livejournal.com]

WOOOO! Go for it!
I am going to sit certain of my friends down and give them this almost exact same talk. And on my bad daysI am going to sit myself down, too.
Nice one. See, this is what LJ should be for!!

[zdenka]

Well said.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad you included the opt-out provision. This was making me a bit uncomfortable until then. I'm not depressive at all (except of course normal sadness) but I decided a while back that I just won't put up with anyone yelling at me unless I give them that right implicitly or explicitly. (I.e. we're actually in an equal argument and both yelling or I've asked them to be my coach.) I think I'm another one for whom being yelled at or nagged would make things worse.

But I'm glad you're doing this for those it *will* help.

[msdirector.livejournal.com]

Bravo.

I'm one of those few(?)lucky people who was able to pull myself out of depression on my own. Perhaps it was not a true clinical depression - but after several years of the inability to deal with the world or do much of anything but lie on the couch, I can't help but believe it was. This was 30 years ago and I didn't even think of it being depression at the time (though I should have, having been a psych minor), but in retrospect I can't think of what else it could have been. It took a move to a different state (which may have triggered that "exercise makes endorphins") to start getting me out of it, followed by an absolute refusal to let myself fall back into my funk again, literally forcing myself to get up and get out and DO something. Obviously my problem was not a serious chemical imbalance, but the results were just as debilitating as if it were. Looking back, I'm astonished that I was able to pull out of it without help.

Would it have helped if someone had pushed me earlier to take the steps I ultimately did? I don't know. I tend to work better when I wait until I find my own motivation than when pushed since I tend to take perceived criticism personally and retreat further. But it sure would have been great if someone had actually recognized the symptoms and told me that there was actually something wrong and something I could do about it.

So, I, too, am glad you are doing this for those it will help. Just be positive in your approach... negativity just makes things worse.

[erin-c-1978.livejournal.com]

The thing I sometimes wonder is, how can I reliably tell the difference between my life sucking and mental illness making me think my life sucks (or making my life actually suck)? And if it really is the former and I'm just refusing to admit it, does it make me weak if I take antidepressants? How can a person tell the difference, especially if there is a certain amount of life suckage but possibly also depression in addition to and not solely resulting from life suckage?

Actually, this whole reply is probably my OCD showing more than my depression. Feh.

[ron_newman]

Just to be contrary, I'm going to link to today's Salon article: Don't be happy, worry. I'd be interested in hearing your response to this (or to the books that it reviews).

[temima.livejournal.com]

I told you a lot of things I was thinking about last night. Anyway, thank you for your support, if I didn't say it then.

And also, to continue our conversation a little bit, one other problem is that for me, 'what-ifs' can turn into either worry over things not yet happening, panic over too many options, or viable plans. I find that when I am depressed, 'what-ifs' can kill me.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about this, because. My answer keeps oscillating, which probably indicates just what it should be. But I wanted you to know I was thinking about it.

[dancing-kiralee.livejournal.com]

I hate not having information, and not being able to ask you about it and get an answer...

Right now, I don't know if, in the context under discussion, I fall into the category of "your friend." And, I can't ask... or, well, I can ask, but I'm not likely to get an answer (I've asked before, in relation to other contexts, and I didn't get an answer.)

I want to know because if I am your friend in this context, it's my responsibility to tell you what I want - whether I want to opt in or opt out. It's important because I get upset about how people treat me in this context (well, about how people treat each other on in this context generally, but I figure, for other people, if it's consensual I shouldn't put my nose in their business even if I don't agree with what they are doing.) Since I'm not always comfortable with the standard, expected, responses, and since I can get angry about it, it's up to me to let people know what I want... but without an answer to my question, it's hard to know if that's necessary or appropriate.

And that isn't the only question I have. What your describing isn't a single act, but a set of behaviors. It's a pretty good description, but there are some things it doesn't cover (and I wouldn't expect it to.) I can't say, for every potential act, whether or not you think it falls into this behavior set; for some acts, of course, it's obvious; but there are a few acts for which the answer is not obvious.

As I said, I don't expect your description, or any description, to cover every potential act. What is supposed to happen, is that people who think of acts whose position is unclear (are they or aren't they in the behavior set) are supposed to be able to ask questions and get answers from the relevant person.

I can't seem to ask you questions and get answers.

So this is the best response I can come up with under the circumstances.

For those things that are clearly in the behavior set you describe, I'd like , for the present, to opt out. I've put a lot of work into coming up with solutions that work for me, and I'm not interested in having the effectiveness of those solutions judged by you. Generally speaking, I don't want anyone but my closest friends judging those solutions. As the world is vast and complex and unpredictable, it may be that someday you will be one of the people I trust on this; but for the moment, I'd much rather you didn't try to do this for / to me.

However, there are some behaviors which may or may not fall into the behavior set you describe. Some of these are things I want you to do; in fact I'd be upset if a) you considered me your friend, and b) you were offering to do this for your other friends but weren't willing to do it for me.

Kiralee

re Antidepression Man, I'll opt out... mostly

[happyfunpaul.livejournal.com]

I'll request an opt-out, with a proviso...

My depression, thankfully, is pretty mild. I did try medications for a while, but the side effects were awful, and I no longer wish to try that route. I "get by" pretty well without medication, most of the time, by structuring my life in certain ways.

It doesn't always work; the past several months I've had many more depressive episodes than usual, probably because:

(1) My job keeps me so busy I lose sleep (the hope is that next year I will be a second-year teacher and it won't be so bad), and when I am that chronically tired, I may fall into a bad funk where Nothing Feels Any Good for 2 or 3 days, and

(2) Part of the positive structuring involves pre-planned social activities-- social interaction with friends perks me up but having to plan takes too much energy-- and I've had so little free time and energy that I don't get my necessary weekly dosage of friendstime. (Last night I slept through Psinging, for example.)

Now, assuming I don't have to do any planning and if I can spare the time, then being kicked to "get out of the house and be social" can be quite positive. So that's the proviso.

I suppose another proviso would be if I do keep my teaching job next year and the year after and yet I still am chronically run-down and falling into depression frequently. Then I'll have to get out, and someone might have to poke me to do that. But I think things will get better (as long as I can be re-hired for future years, which may not happen due to town budget problems).