xiphias | (no subject)

I tend to pride myself on knowing lots of jokes. I mean, if you tell me the first line of a joke, I can usually tell you the punchline. I had a standing challenge in high school to folks to try to stump me, and it occasionally happened, but not often.

That said, I was quite amused to find two really dumb jokes, the kind little kids tell, the kind that I really, really enjoy, that I'd never heard before. Y'all probably have, though.

What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
You can roast beef, but you can't pea soup.

Also, I invented a surprisingly tasty drink today. A shot of bourbon, the juice of 1 lemon, a couple dashes of salt, and fill with seltzer.

The salt really makes a difference. I was surprised at how good it ended up. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised -- bars use club soda instead of seltzer, because club soda has salt and seltzer doesn't. But I added more salt than would be in the club soda. I guess, if I used club soda, I'd use one dash of salt instead of two or three.

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you could make that first one a little kinkier (or more appropriate for a renfaire crowd) by making the punchline "nice corset". :-)

hahah! I hadn't heard either of those jokes before :) Thank you for sharing.

Cute.
I heard a joke last night that amused and surprised me. It started with a rabbi and a non-stop talking frog.

A shot of bourbon, the juice of 1 lemon, a couple dashes of salt, and fill with seltzer.

With the salty-lemony-fizzy of that drink, I would name it "Alka-Seltzer."

Not Alco-seltzer? *)

My twin brother, who has autism and very little sense of humor, told us this one, which everyone has heard:

"Why is six afraid of seven?"
"Because seven eight(ate) nine"

It tasted better than that, though.

I like the name salty-lemon-fizzzy (with the extra z) Or you could name it salty-lemon-tea nuts... But that's another joke entirely...

Wait...does this joke involve saying Roshhashana??

If so, it may be a joke I've been trying to remember for ten years.

This brought a warm fuzzy to my heart!

I particularly like the second one. When I tell it, I usually say the punchline as "Anyone can roast beef..." I think it's a little funnier if you let your audience figure out the rest.

'fraid not...

I hadn't. Thanks.

So? So? TELL US THE JOKE! (Pleeeeeeease...)

You can roast beef, but you can't pea soup.

Nice. Of course, 'you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish'

Or something like that.

D'oh.

I was recently hanging out with a couple of kids 7 and 8 yrs old and we hunted down a couple of collections of elephant jokes on the 'net. Some real groaners. It's possible that I was having more fun than they were.

Rabbi walks into a bar, with a constantly talking frog on his shoulder. Bartender says, "Where did you get that?"

"I got him in Israel"

I just realized that would have made more sense if I'd ended with "and the frog said, 'I got him in Israel'"

(the person telling the joke to me had spent much more time expounding on how the frog kept talking and talking and talking)

Yeah, that's funnier.

Like the one about the person going into a doctor's office with a frog growing out of his head, and the doctor says, "Well, it's pretty obvious what the problem is," and the frog says, "Yeah -- can you get this thing off of my ass?"

Instafilk (for the frog)
ttto "I Won't Grow Up" from the musical "Peter Pan".

I won't shut up (I won't shut up)
And I wanna go to shul (and I wanna go to shul)
...

I just told my wife that, with "the frog kept talking and talking and talking and wouldn't shut up". She loved it.
And she added, "Is there any Jew who wouldn't get it?"

My nephew's favourite joke when he was six was; Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.