xiphias: (Default)
Most folks on my friends list post about their relationships. I can think of three women in particular who post about their husbands (and, if you're not sure if I'm talking about you, feel free to email me and ask), who tend to get comments talking about what bums their husbands are, and how they should just up and leave and get rid of the bum. (And, interestingly, it's only women to whom this happens.)

As I'm sure you can imagine, this does NOT make those women happy.

Now, those three women aren't the only women on my friends list who complain about their husbands, boyfriends, wives, girlfriends, or partners of whatever stripe. But they get a lot more "get rid of the bum" comments than other folks do. Not that they're the only three women who have ever got "get rid of the bum" comments, but they get them a lot more. I see similar dynamics elsewhere on my friends list, but those three women get orders of magnitude more, and more virulent.

Now, one of the things which bothers me about this is that I see myself in all three husbands. I do many of the same things that all three of these "bums" do. And yet Lis assures me that she gets very few of those comments to her blog. ("What? From outside of my family?" she jokes. Actually, I'm pretty sure that her family likes me.)

So I was trying to think about what makes these three LJs different than the ones who get fewer, and the ones who get none.

Note: I'm talking specifically about "get rid of the bum"-type comments. Sympathetic "jeez that sucks" comments, I'm not talking about. Even "want me to smack him with a wet trout for you?"-type comments, I'm not talking about. I'm specifically talking about comments suggesting, in all seriousness, that the relationship is unsalvageable, and that she should leave him.
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xiphias: (portrait)
. . . that polyamory is simply a way to allow people to have, simultaneously, the psychodrama, acute stress, and uncertanty of dating, and all the annoyance, tedium, and chronic stress of long-term settled relationships.

June 2017

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